Will be first of the lastvoyages Camelot kids to update; debating how much to tell them.

[takeyouapart]

You know as well as I that it does no good to know the future - illuminating one path only does more to ensure that it will be the path taken. There is no force strong enough to cast aside the weight of destiny. Arthur --

[...]

Arthur accepted that before I could.

I would sooner make a liar of myself all over again than tell them what I have seen come to pass. They have work to do, all of them; I cannot burden them with this. I will not.

All I want is to go back and earn my safety until he needs me again. However long it takes.

I will not fail him a second time.

Comments

sry Iris dgaf about your canon

[routemistress]

Just get your scrawny arse back 'ere, jug-ears, you made little Cass cry.

[takeyouapart]

I didn't intend to leave. I would not have abandoned her as I did, had I had any choice.

[routemistress]

[And she softens, because by this time she's registered that he's having a non-Cass-related bad time of his own.]

Aye, I told 'er that meself, lovey. I am sorry. D'you know if you'll be back, at all? That's one way to smack your destiny on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper, any road.

[takeyouapart]

I will. By the week's end.

[But his deal with the Admiral isn't so much about smacking his destiny on the nose as it is about making damn sure Arthur's comes to pass like it's meant to.]

Though when I return - at first I will not remember her, or that I was ever on the Barge, and I already regret how much that will hurt her.

[routemistress]

[That's not good news.]

Oh bugger, bollocks, arse. And I can't go an' tell 'er; even I can't pull off a narrative causality break on the bloomin' Barge. Bugger.

[She glares, not so much at Merlin as at the intransigent abstracts cluttering up their lives and making people she likes cry.]

'Ow long's at first likely to last, pet? That's going to be a bit rough on 'er, poor lass.

[youwillgotohell]

[The implication that he failed Arthur a first time is making Christmas for her. B(]

I'm sure he'd thank you for more lies.

[takeyouapart]

[Yes well. Things Morgana Fails At: not being shanked with Excalibur.]

I don't need his gratitude.

[Also thinking about Arthur thanking him for anything is kind of making him want to curl up into a ball right now.]

[youwillgotohell]

[You're the worst. B(]

Of course not. If it was gratitude you were after, we'd have known what you are for years.

[GOOD. SHE HOPES HE'S SUFFERING. B(]

Will you lie to Cassandra too?

[takeyouapart]

That is none of your concern.

[Read: no, because HE CAN'T 8|]

[youwillgotohell]

None of it is my concern, Merlin, but living in close quarters has its way of making it so.

[She just wants to watch him suffer 8)]

[inimicus]

Perhaps you should. Before someone else does.

[takeyouapart]

Are you threatening me, Mordred?

[inimicus]

What of it, if I am?

[takeyouapart]

I do not fear you.

[After all, the worst thing you could possibly do? You've already done it.]

[likes_the_odds]

You didn't fail him, Merlin.

[takeyouapart]

I was the only one who could possibly have saved him, yet still he fell.

[He's in a strange place right now. A part of him has accepted that King Arthur was destined to die at Mordred's hand, that the moment he rode out to Camlann there was no stopping it...

...but he let his best friend die in his arms, and the other part of him can't accept that it was inevitable.]

[likes_the_odds]

He doesn't blame you. I blame myself, but you only have to look at my previous mun post to see that.

This is a hard thing, but you're the strongest person I know.

[takeyouapart]

That means a lot, coming from a friend of Percival.

[Yes okay a tiny bleak joke, sometimes he can't help himself. And he can't fully accept the compliment, when it feels like he's come to the end of a long road and doesn't know how he can keep walking.]

It wasn't your fault, Gwaine.

[wedonot]

I'm sorry, Merlin.

[takeyouapart]

Thank you, Charles.

I'm sorry that my absence will take my memories of our friendship. I'm assured it will not last.

[wedonot]

I suppose that's some comfort.

[hellofist]

Are you safe?

[takeyouapart]

I am. I swear it.

[It's true. Mordred is dead, Morgana is dead...Arthur is dead. It doesn't feel like anything in the world can hurt him more than he already is.]

[hellofist]

[Well, at least there's that. She sighs softly in relief, but there's still something wrong so she's not getting her hopes up.]

But not okay. Will... be here for you. If you need me. When you come back.

[takeyouapart]

I'm so sorry I broke my promise to you, Cassandra.

And I'm sorry that I won't remember you, that I might treat you coldly when I return.