On recent developments in Fate/Apocrypha

[penisenvy]

Fuck this update.

Fuck this user name.

Above all, mun...

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know why I keep myself well-covered at all times? It's to hide my fucking failure of a body! It's to hide the fact that I CAN'T BE LIKE FATHER! Apparently it's too much work for you or this Nasu asshole to have some respect for my fucking privacy!

Dear fucking Christian God and pagan Celtic deities alike! Does my life suck that much? Is the bar for human decency and respect set lower for me than for everyone else? My heart and body can be ripped to shreds and no one would care!

...You're laughing, aren't you? Stop trying to hide it. You're laughing. Everyone is laughing. That's right, laugh at this failure of a clone who can't grow the right body parts! You think I didn't try you stupid bitch?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

The only thing that keeps me from slaying you where you stand is chivalry. I hope you know that.

Comments

[unreachableutopia]

[The silver armor around Saber scatters into fragments of light, leaving a light blue dress. Even if she does not posses a voluptuous form, she is unmistakeably a woman. That is all she gives as confirmation.]

Indeed you are... [She proceeds carefully to speak the next aloud, because her human heart has always craved to utter it.

But as long she ruled as King, she will not allow herself to speak it.] You are my daughter.

[penisenvy]

[Mordred lowers her head. Tears are streaming down her cheeks. Even with the armor, she looks more like a child than a knight.]

Are you...really willing to accept me? Even if I'm not your son?

[This comes out as a whisper. For her entire life, she had waited for and craved this moment. Maybe not in this way, maybe not in this place, but she had craved it. To be accepted by Father.]

[Even if her "father" was female and not technically a "father." And she had been accepted, not as a son, but as a daughter. It was still the happiest moment of her life. She almost wants to hit herself, to make sure this is not just a beautiful dream. No, it had surpassed her wildest dreams in that Father had revealed she wasn't a broken duplicate; accepted her, complete with her female sex.]

If you are, then...can I call you...

[unreachableutopia]

“”

[What is she...?

Tears. Saber freezes when she sees them, feeling an unpleasant creeping inside of her. Has she misspoken somehow? How foolish of her to believe she could understand her child's feelings. When she held back, it hurt her. When she didn't, it still hurt her. Then what she can do? She's staring at Mordred, paralyzed and struggling to say something else.]

Y...Yes. [She practically chokes up the answer, her expressionless mask failing.] I must warn you that as the King, I cannot acknowledge you as child. It's... It's as Arturia that I wish to do so.

[Can she understand her now? How the duty of the King consumed her human desire? Saber is only starting to realize. The first (and most painful) realization was the moment Mordred's life was stolen by her own spear.]

[penisenvy]

[She finally looks up at Arturia, smiling through her tears.]

Yes. I understand, Mother.

[Perhaps she would never be accepted as the King's successor, but to be Arturia's child was good enough.]

I am proud to be Arturia's child.

[unreachableutopia]

[She gasps when Mordred smiles. She's smiling and calling her Mother. Her mind goes blank from an unknown sensation, different from despair or the agitation she felt. It's a warmth she hasn't felt in a way.

She gives tentative steps forward to draw nearer. It isn't like the King to hesitate, but what she experiences now is unrelated to her duty as the ruler of Britain. That'll always be the most important truth, but she doesn't reject her ideals embraced.

What she regretted was...]

...May I?

[She asks halting after stretching her arm. She wants to embrace Mordred. She wants to bring her daughter close. Mordred died, reaching out for her and she was too late to take her hand. She has never forgotten the very image that overwhelmed her heart with despair and cried out to summon Alaya. Why did I drop the sword at that time?]

[penisenvy]

[Calling Arturia Mother instead of Father was a little awkward, but surely Arturia deserved that title better than Morgan ever did.]

I...

[She watches her mother hesitate and ask for permission. For a moment, her mind goes blank. What should she do? Mother has never asked to embrace her before. She almost wants to back away. But that would be cowardly. She's desired this affection for so long. She can't just run from it.]

[So she doesn't even reply before more or less tackling Arturia in a hug. Perhaps Sir Mordred would have been too proud for such a childish display. But Arturia's daughter wanted to hug her mother. If this was a dream, she would never want it to end.]

[unreachableutopia]

[She gasps and opens her eyes wide in wonder when Mordred tackles her and embraces her. Nothing can stop her here, not the duty of the king, or the sword that she wielded until the tragic outcome of their combat. It dawns her how easy is to shake off her vacillation as her arms react and pulls Mordred closer.

Tears well up her eyes, but they are not shed. Of happiness for having this chance and of regret she had never done this before. A sense of peace she hasn't experienced in years invade her.

I failed you... I failed you. I'm sorry, her mind chants, guilty of her happiness. I can't even ask forgiveness.

She doesn't want to to ruin this moment as she holds her daughter and she smilesfrom the bottom of her heart. What is precious? What should be protected?]

[penisenvy]

[Mordred hugs her mother tight. She is like a little lost child who has just now returned home.]

Mother...

[Perhaps she wanted to say something else, but that has all been forgotten in the mood of this moment. She is finally being embraced by the parent she loves, by the parent who loves her.]

[But along with the joy, there comes regret and doubt. Finally, having let go of her hatred, she no longer feels any pride from causing the fall of Camelot or wounding Arturia.]

[Does she deserve this? To be loved even after committing these grave sins? To escape punishment even as the blood of hundreds of knights and commoners stain the ground? To feel such bliss, having given her mother so much pain?]

I'm sorry...I'm sorry!

[unreachableutopia]

[She inwardly winces when Mordred says those words. She doesn't want to think about what has been lost, perhaps... perhaps if she reworked her wish. Her ideals are nothing to be ashamed, she learned that from Archer, perhaps if she finds the real Grail and makes a proper wish.]

I will rectify what has happened.

[She promises without letting go, her grip tightens a little to soothe the child. She cannot allow Mordred to carry her burden. It's her actions that could have prevented this end.]

Once I get the Grail, Mordred, I will compensate for every mistake I've committed.

[Against her daughter, against Guinevere and Lancelot too.]

[penisenvy]

The...Grail?

[No, this was wrong. Mother shouldn't be wasting her wish on Mordred's mistakes.]

If that's what's needed...then shouldn't I be the one to fix my mistakes?

[If she could get her hands on the Turifas Grail...if she could wish to undo the result of Camlaan...]

[unreachableutopia]

No... It is my duty to do so.

[Arturia shakes her head and is too obstinate to change her mind. If she is the one living, then is her obligation to change the past, not Mordred's.]

This is why I still live.

[penisenvy]

I'll help you.

[She doesn't care how impossible or unreasonable this promise is. She's a hero, the child of King Arthur--she'll find some way to make this possible.]

[unreachableutopia]

How? You are--

[She lowers her gaze dead but she cannot say it.]

[penisenvy]

I'm as much of a Heroic Spirit as you are, Mother. If possible, I could be a Saber too.

[And somehow, as Saber, she would make her way to Mother's side.]