dear_mun | AU!Martha doesn't approve of her mun's Doctor feelings :C

((OOC: Conveniently - or not, this Doctor is set post LotTL and pre-VotD.))

[The Doctor just stares at Martha. He's not sure what to make of her.]

[Martha folds her arms over her chest, giving him a cold look. Someone has abandonment issues.] Oh, brilliant, it's like I've gone and summoned you. Well done, Martha.

[The Doctor shoves his hands in his pockets. He is speechless. He just stands there for a few long moments.]

You look...

[Like hell. But he breaks off, how do you start a conversation after all that's happened? He swallows thickly.]

I... uh... patched into Torchwood.

[He means, "I know everything that's happened."]

((OOC: Usually he's canon, but I find your AU is delightfully interesting, so test driving it.))

[Martha feels just as awkward as he does - maybe more. She glances away for a moment; she hadn't expected to see him again, not after everything, and his presence now just makes everything...weird.]

I'll have to talk to Tosh about Time Lord-proofing the computers.

[ooc: Awesome! :3]

[He's never done well with this sort of awkward... in any of his bodies. He runs his hands through his hair.]

I never... I didn't.... and had I known...

[He sighs, he never wanted it to be this way.]

Martha Jones, I'm sorry.

[Martha wants to shout at him, but she can't bring herself to do it, even after everything she's been through. It's a little heartbreaking to hear him apologise, though it doesn't make her feel any better.]

Bit late for that, isn't it?

[His eyes darken at that.]

I'm not the one who did the murdering.

[oh whoops there goes that not shouting thing.]

No, you thought you could just keep him in the TARDIS, like he'd never try to escape or anything. You weren't on the Earth during that year. You didn't see what it was really like, what he did to people. I'm not saying he didn't do anything to you or Jack or my family, 'cos I know you did, but...there was so much more to it, too. I saw people massacred by the Toclafane at the very beginning. I saw them burning to death when he firebombed Japan. I saw them starving to death and dying of radiation sickness and crammed into filthy labour camps and so many other things, and I knew that I couldn't let that happen again. I knew that as long as he was alive, there was a chance.

So if you're expecting me to apologise or feel any sort of remorse, then I'm sorry, but it's not going to happen.

[He tugs his ear, trying to look casual. But it's clear how much this is tearing him apart.]

You think I didn't know? You think I didn't worry? Martha, most of the people who traveled with me over the years have been from Earth. You think I didn't worry and wonder everyday!? Did you even stop to think when I figured it out? When I realized what the Toclafane were? You think it didn't kill me to hear my TARDIS screaming in my head all day every day for an entire year?

[He gives a nod that signifies he's made a decision. He stalks over to Martha, towering over her.]

I would have ensured the safety of all of you if you had given me the chance. Clearly, you didn't trust me. So I ask you: did. you. ever?

[His voice grew low, and the word "ever" was nearly a growl.]

I didn't say that! [Martha's voice is cracking, and she's close to tears.] But there's a difference between wondering what's going on and being there. I lived it, Doctor, and I relive it almost every night. It wasn't just the Earth, it wasn't knowing what the Toclafane really were, it was knowing that he would have done that to every planet if he had the chance. I knew there was only one way to stop it for good, and I had to. It wasn't that I didn't trust you - I didn't trust him to stay imprisoned.

[She looks down, because she can't quite bring herself to meet his eyes.]

UNIT never cared much about what I did. They used it to threaten me at first, to get me to come quietly and do what they wanted. But when they started questioning me, the only thing they ever asked about was you. They wanted to know about you. And I never told them a thing. I stopped talking for months rather than say anything.

And you think I don't know what it's like? Martha, you made me tell you about my Planet, about the Time War.

[He sighs, weary.]

I didn't have to wonder; I knew. I've lived it. Survived it, by fighting on the front lines! And in the end, everyone lost.

[But the Doctor grows concerned with the last information Martha offered.]

Why would they wonder about me? I used to work for them. Torchwood had all sorts of information on me... They... Explain.

[The comparison's occurred to her before, but it's not something she wants to bring up; she knows it'll only make him angry again.]

They didn't tell me much, obviously, but Jack reckons it's because they lost track of you for a few regenerations, more or less. And, well...I guess they've changed from the UNIT you used to work with. They don't seem to like you much these days.

[He scratches his head.]

Yeah. Seems to be a running theme.

[He doesn't mean that as a slight against Martha. It's more of a general truth. He doesn't think Jack likes him much anymore either.]

I should say thanks. If I haven't already, or... won't have. [He gestures vaguely.]

As if I could just leave you like that.

It was still good of you. I might owe you a favor sometime.

[He glances back at the body of the post. NO I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS WORKS.]

Martha...

Hey, what are friends for?

[FOURTH WALL, WHAT FOURTH WALL?]

What?

[Grin.] Point.

[and sober! He appears not to have looked at the history. ...not that he'd get that much of it without getting briefed on DW, but w/e]

I can't say I know what you've been through. I'm not going to say I've experienced the same kind of thing. It's never the same thing.

But... I think I know something similar.

[By which he means he's got abandonment issues too. Hooray!]

[Abandonment issues for everyone!]

It hurts, doesn't it? More than it has any right to, at least in my case. There was a time when I thought it would never get better. I'm still not sure if it has, but...it's gotten easier to deal with, anyway.

[Backstories Inc was just handing them out like Halloween candy, man. Look, look, they come in flavors!]

That's... pretty much how it goes. In my experience. There's the cliche about time healing all wounds. It doesn't, directly. Not with everything. But it can help.

And then if something pokes you right there [something about the gesture suggests he might have wished to poke her but thought better of it, and Luke touches his knuckle to between his own collarbones instead] sometimes it's fine, but sometimes it opens back up, and takes others with it.

[It was part of a great Black Friday deal on angst and trauma of all sorts. Too good a deal to pass up, obviously.]

Tell me about it. [Martha gives a hollow laugh, clearly thinking of her conversation just up the page there.] It's even worse when it's someone you l- cared for - one of your best friends - because then you worry about getting close to people, just in case they hurt you again. It's so hard to get past that, even when you really want to.

[Apparently if you mix them all and add hot water, they make a great bubblebath.]

Especially if they... changed your life. Made it better. Well, most friends do that anyway, but - you know what I mean.

Oh, I know exactly what you mean. And I wish I didn't.

Yeah.

[sigh.]

[well.]

[oh, fine, he'll offer.]

...You know what? One of my students has a child who just turned two. He's on Coruscant for that now, but he sent us a big batch of Corellian whiskey cakes. [He knows what it's called, but also that 'ryshcate' probably doesn't mean anything to her.] It's only going to stay good for so long. I think that supply run had the pods that go into hot chocolate, too. Ours is a little different from yours.

Want to come see?

A traveller after my own hearts.

I've got to admit, being able to travel properly again is pretty brilliant.

AU!Martha doesn't approve of her mun's Doctor feelings :C

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