mmmaybe route_29? Awkward voice test.

[kingbowser]

Gwa ha ha ha!

So, let me get this straight. You're going to send me to join a lousy team and steal a bunch of monsters? As a grunt?

Oh, that's rich! Like I care about petty crimes like that. I've got bigger fish to fry, kingdoms to conquer, princesses to kidnap, and plumbers to stomp. And what makes you thing I'd want to go around stuffing little creatures in balls when I've got a whole army eating outta the palm of my hand?

Besides, if those Rocket chumps are so high and mighty, let's see them bust into Star Haven, snag the Star Rod, and come out on top. Sounds to me like they can't even get a handle on some legendary beasts!

[He shakes his head.]

And don't get me started on the whole human gig. Why should I sacrifice my good looks on top of everything else?

I hate to break it to you, kid, but it's not gonna work.

[ooc: Oh god, do pardon my rust. I haven't played this guy in ages, and I'm in the process of a canon review. Also note that I'm working mainly off of Paper Mario and maybe a little SMRPG. Haven't gotten the chance to play the M&L titles.]

Comments

[galactaknight]

...snag the Star Rod, you say? [Of course that's the thing Galacta would latch onto. A touch wary, his tone.]

[Of course, the Star Rod Bowser means probably isn't quite the same one he's thinking of...]

[kingbowser]

Yup. Snagged it right out of those pesky Star Spirits' hands, and now all the world's wishes are mine.

Not even Mario can hold a candle to me now!

[galactaknight]

[Star Spirits, are those like Star Warriors or -]

I'm afraid I can't agree with you on that use for it. It's meant to be in the Fountain of Dreams, where it belongs, not for... getting all the world's wishes. I gather it's happened before and it hasn't been pretty. [Let's make his tone infused with a bit of warning now, shall we?]

[Also, who or what is a Mario.]

[kingbowser]

Fountain of Dreams? Never heard of it.

[He shrugs.]

But that wand's what the Star Spirits have been using to grant everyone's wishes for years. Everyone's except mine, anyway!

[Huff. And he had the best wishes, too! Not his fault they're a bunch of goody two-shoes.]

But they're old news. Nothing they or anyone else can do to stop me, and that includes you, bub!

[galactaknight]

Strange. Where would you have gotten a Star Rod if not there...?

Hm. I'd call that unfair of them, but I'd have to know exactly what your wishes were first. [Enjoy a raised eyebrow.] I have a good friend who's own wish of choice for a long time was just as detrimental to him as it was to anyone else. But he couldn't see that while he wanted it.

...I'm afraid I'd have to judge that myself. [Right back to being wary, here.]

[kingbowser]

Oh, you know, important stuff like stomping Mario into the ground and getting the Princess to like me. How could anyone not grant wishes like those?

[strawberryredgrave]

I'm not gonna lie; that whole human thing? It sucks. Hard.

But for what it's worth, those Pokemon are pretty fucking epic. They might be all colorful and shit, but trust me: they know how to fight.

[kingbowser]

Good! If I'm stuck working with 'em, they'd better know how to hold their ground. No self-respecting member of my troop's gonna take off with their tail between their legs.

If they've even got one.

[Hrmph.]

So how tough are we talking?

[strawberryredgrave]

Some do; some don't. Doesn't usually matter.

They're damn tough. We're talking lasers, tidal waves, punching through buildings and all that good stuff. Explosions and earthquakes are a regular thing, too.

[kingbowser]

Explosions and earthquakes?

[Hrmmmmm.]

Muahaha... yes. YES. That sounds perfect. Sprinkle a few of those in my army, and the Mushroom Kingdom's as good as mine!

... Well, it technically already is, but details. Who needs 'em? Point is, they'd give me extra security. ...You know, just in case Mario somehow manages to free those spirits.

But that's not gonna happen in a million years!

[strawberryredgrave]

Well they're pretty kickass, so who knows.

Bit of advice: having your Pokemon fight people directly is a dick move, so don't do that unless you want others hounding you. It's not a fair fight, you know?

(But he's gonna be on Team Rocket, so it doesn't matter all that much.)

[kingbowser]

Hah! All's fair in a fight. Doesn't matter what those wimps say.

[strawberryredgrave]

(He shrugs.)

Fair enough. Know what always makes a good fight, though? A good opponent. Nothing like when someone else makes you give it your all, right?

[notshadowfever]

You know, I think it's about time there was a game that let us bring our armies with us.

[kingbowser]

Now you're speaking my language!

A game where villains rule and heroes drool. A place where we can stomp the living daylights outta anyone who gets in their way.

[Muahahaha!]

If I had my whole Koopa Troop at my disposal, they'd all run screaming in terror.

[As long as Mario wasn't around. Because, gruh. Always getting in the way of his plans.]

[notshadowfever]

Ho ho! What a glorious place it would be! Armies of robots, and absolutely no hedgehogs allowed!

[kingbowser]

Or plumbers! Can't forget that.

[Though, hrmmm.]

And definitely no lousy hammer-wielding chumps that boot you outta your own Keep with a giant sword!

[Smithy might be a villain, but he's not cool enough, okay? Hrmph.]

[notshadowfever]

Wielding a hammer and a giant sword? That must take some skill.

[kingbowser]

Nah, the giant sword was one of his flunkies. Crashed right into my Keep and made a real mess outta it, too!

[Hrmph.]

[notshadowfever]

That's why you always keep a backup castle, just in case!

[kingbowser]

Oh, I've used loads of castles in the past! No evil plot's complete without at least seven other fortresses full of traps, lava, and whimpering prisoners.

[Wait... he's getting a bit off track here, isn't he? Grah!]

But that's not the point! The point is, that Smithy punk wrecked my castle. Sure I stomped him into the ground [with some help], but any villain who tries cramping my style has no place in an awesome villain regime! I'd even take Wart over that metalhead. Wart! And his weakness is healthy food.

[thiscloakisgreen]

To think that my opinion was shared by a turtlish brute such as yourself, Koopa King.

Wherein my whimsy and ploys speak soundly of my skills, yours is a more...blunt point of view.

[kingbowser]

Whimsy, schmimsy. I leave that sorta thing to the Magikoopas!

Sometimes being blunt's all ya need.

[He'd rather cut to the chase, anyway. Brutishness has always been his style, for better or worse.]

[thiscloakisgreen]

I, however, am no mere court magician.

This would be the embodiment of "brains vs. brawn", a debate that many seek to entertain too often. Dastardly mundane.

[kingbowser]

So you say, but are you gonna back yourself up? Right now, all I see is a guy in a tacky, green suit.

[Not that Magikoopas are the scariest looking minions, but they get the job done.]

And I've got plenty of brain to match my brawn. How else would I come up with all my sinister schemes?

Oh man, SMRPG/PM Bowser, yes. Excellent. (You should def. play the M&L games sometime too!)

[ateamrocket]

I wonder if they even make uniforms in your size... I've seen some big louts but you'd still probably have to custom order that.

I love the RPGs so much. They are my favorites. (And totally want to play them. Yes. B])

[kingbowser]

Not my fault if they can't handle this much muscle! At least I could bulldoze my foes even without those pokey-monsters.

Same here - they're great stuff. I'm crazy stoked for Sticker Star!

[ateamrocket]

Pokémon, Your Heinousness. The term's just Pokémon. Pocket Monsters if you wanna get real technical.

Hmm. Being able to trample over someone on your own is a rewarding feeling, that's for sure. I bet a guy like you could make short work of walls and doors, huh?

Sticker Star looks veeeery interesting. I'm just glad it's an RPG again!

[kingbowser]

Walls? Doors? That's nothing! I could break 'em down with my bare hands.

[Bwa ha ha!]

Throw in a few minions, and I'd take the whole region by storm.

[Not that he wants to lose his army or his appearance and become a grunt, but even if he did, he'd do a bang-up job of it in more ways than one.]

[ateamrocket]

[Nods approvingly] Thought so.

Well, if you joined us, you'd prolly have pokemon; they're like minions you don't have to pay. Since I gather you're used to commanding, you'd probably do a right proper job of it.

[kingbowser]

Please, I've been commanding a whole Koopa army for decades! If I have my way, I'll whip those Pokémon things into shape and have that whole team eating outta the palm of my hand.

And my first order of business as supreme ruler of the Rockets would be changing the name. Team Koopa's got a much better ring to it!

[...Someone may be planning a bit too far ahead, but Bowser's never been one to go small with his plans.]

I see we've both found the same awesome Bowser artist

[inept_overlord]

Great! Yet another pretender to the Koopa throne. Why are there always guys tryin' to steal my style?

I am so grateful for their art. Finding good Bowser images is hard. D:

[kingbowser]

HAH! If anyone's a pretender, it's you, chump. I bet you can't even pull off an evil laugh.

Re: I am so grateful for their art. Finding good Bowser images is hard. D:

[inept_overlord]

Are you kiddin'? Nobody does a bad guy guffaw like me!

[kingbowser]

[ Well, so far he's got the attitude down. Definitely more convincing than the Koopa Bros. and their robot suit.

But admitting that would be admitting defeat! And the Koopa King never backs down.

He crosses his arms, keeping his eyes on his double.]

I'll be the judge of that!