[game: Bete Noire] death, life, and psychopomps: on setting off plot-bombs

[sinsparrow]

Why do you keep trying to decide if this is something I want? This would mean having a purpose here again, wouldn't it? I've sacrificed enough of myself already for that reason to know that there's nothing holding me back from doing it again.

You keep thinking about all the ways I could regret this. All the ways I will regret it.

And that's entirely missing the point: regret is something I live with every day; loss and death are already part of who I am. And-- I don't want to go on feeling lost and meaningless.

Comments

[andifeelfine]

Well, it sounds like you'll regret it even more if you don't do it, right? So I think that's your mind made up. There's only so much time in the world, after all, and no way to live but in the present.

[sinsparrow]

[ What are you? ]

Yes, exactly. I don't know that I can go on like this, knowing that I'm leaving so many things undone. I really could change things, if I'm willing to take a chance.

...Though I'd have to disagree about your notions of time. The fact that mortals don't get much of it doesn't change the nature of eternity, I think. And the longer your life lasts, the longer your choices last -- the more weight everything has.

[ seriously though, she's met some strange sorts of ghosts by now, but this? ]

[andifeelfine]

[wouldn't youuuuuuu like to knowwwww~

her shadow seems to move independently of her against the wall, and it's far smaller than it ought to be. In fact, it doesn't look like her at all...]

Choices last forever, anyway. The only thing the length of your life changes is how long you have to live with them before you move on to whatever's next for you. You should make sure to make good choices, but, really, you never know how long you'll have to make them! Even for you that exist outside the natural passage of time, some things are only available for a limited time. Like going to France, I guess. One day it's there, next day it's a crater, such is life.

[sinsparrow]

That's certainly an...interesting example. Do...all of your kind think like this?

I don't mean to seem rude, but...you're really incredibly confusing. I've never met someone with two dead souls; I don't really understand how it's possible.

[andifeelfine]

I really don't know—I've only met a few others, as you say, of my kind; I figure it probably would have been easier before the bombs fell, but at least over here everyone's a bit scattered, so I don't really know if I'm average or not. Coming back from the dead gave me a certain amount of perspective I wouldn't have had otherwise, though. ...especially considering that I wouldn't really have had a perspective if I hadn't.

I guess I'm not really sure how it's possible, either, except for it certainly seems to be a thing that is real. You could say it's a symbiotic relationship. I get to live, she gets to spend a little more time in the world. You've seen a lot of ghosts, then?

[sinsparrow]

[ Bombs? Well, that certainly confirms that their worlds aren't precisely the same... ]

I've seen number of ghosts, yes. They're rather my purview, you could say -- or, they certainly were before I came to Bete Noire -- the city I'm in now, I mean. I can't Guide them like I once did. In fact, that's what this whole thing is about, really: trying to be able to do that again.

[andifeelfine]

If you guide the dead, then I guess you could say I guide the living so they don't become your problem. In that way, I guess you could say we're a bit alike!

I know what it feels like to lose your purpose, though, when everything changes and you don't know what to do anymore. Really, all you can do is pick it up again or find a new one, and if you feel like the former is still right for you, then I say go for it! I mean, why not?

[sinsparrow]

[ a small, hopeful smile: the cheerfulness is infectious ]

You make it sound sort of wonderfully simple. I think I wish somelike with your attitude had been around the first time I was presented with this kind of decision... Becoming a Guide was already a response to the biggest change in lifestyle I think I'm every likely to have. [ It's still a difficult subject to think about, for her, and the smile drifts away. ]

[andifeelfine]

If you don't mind my asking, what prompted you to take up psychopompery? ...Is that a word, I'm not even sure, but anyway—you're clearly not like me, so I'm just sort of interested as to what might have brought you to it.

[sinsparrow]

Ha, it can be a word if we say it is, I think.

And... [ oh... long pause.... painful questions ]



...I used to be an angel, you see. [ That would certainly explain the pair of wings, even if they're not nearly large or white enough to be anything like classic. ] It's not really... natural for us to have bodies. Taking one... it limited my abilities a great deal, and it meant I couldn't go back. To Heaven, I mean. Not that I could have gone back before, but... well, once I made myself like this, they wouldn't have wanted me back even if it were possible.
Becoming a Guide was one of the few things I could do, I guess you could say.