on Fourth Wall Day at Last Voyages

[fearthepackingchips]

...You're not gonna make me talk to myself, are you?


Be honest, would you even notice? Or complain?


SHUT YOUR TRAP, pardner, I got enough people in here, I don't need EXTRA voices from the peanut gallery.  And anyway, I mean somebody else in here.  There.  Writer-lady's head.  You know, pronouns get really fucked up in this business, has anybody ever noticed that before?

Maybe if I wear a disguise nobody'll notice. I know I've got a dress I've been waiting to use for AGES, and this sounds like a special occasion.


It really brings out the blue in your eyes.


That's what I said!  Thanks, crazy voice in my head!  I'm glad somebody's listening in there.  Here.  Somewhere.

What's that, Writer-lady?  ...Can I call you Evil Overlord?  I feel like that's more appropriate.  ...no?  Okay.  Well can't blame a guy for trying!

Anyway.  Didja say something about Bea being there?  I heard you chatting with somebody.  'Cause if she is, then I'm gonna have to get a nicer dress.

I can bring my guns though, right?  Pleeeeease?  I promise I'll be good!

Comments

[routemistress]

Where's the fun in being good, lovey?

[fearthepackingchips]

Depends on your definition of good.

Me, as far as I'm concerned "good" just means "why yes, I CAN hit an elephant at this distance".

[Squinty eye is squinty. Yes, you can still tell through the mask. Mainly because his forehead gets all lopsided.]

You're not Bea. I was promised Bea.

[Not that he seems too upset.]

[routemistress]

That's right chuck, I'm not Bea. Who's she when she's at 'ome?

And what did the elephant ever do to you, eh?

[fearthepackingchips]

It's an elephant. Its got a nose like a snake and ears like a satellite. It's weird.

And she's still Bea. Bea Arthur.

[Siiiigh. Ohhh Bea. Be still his perpetually beating heart.]

Unless that's a trick question, in which case you heard nothing.

[Jedi finger wave.]

And these are most definitely not the droids you're looking for.

Smooth move, Obi-Wan. That should definitely confuse her. But who is she if she isn't Bea? Huh?

...so who are you if you're not Bea? And Evil Overlordress, if you're listening we are SO having words later.

...not that this lady isn't equally wonderful and charming. Probably. Even if she calls me Chuck for some reason. Did the writers rename me without asking?

[megamind]

Hey, hey, there is only one evil overlord on that boat and it's me.

[inharperwetrust]

...You own a dress?

[Yes, Harper, because that's the most important thing.]

[cackling_overlord]

As if a Mundane could ever cut it as an evil overlord!

[fearthepackingchips]

Well maybe there can be two! You, and she's the Evil Overlordress, and you can have two point five kids and have one big happy Evil Overlording family and live happily ever after!

I'll bring the chimichangas.

[fearthepackingchips]

Well sure. Because sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you just want to wear a dress and feel pretty!

[megamind]

Yeah, uh, I'm not really looking for en Evil Overlady and the moment. Kinda enjoying the swinging single thing.

[inharperwetrust]

Well, you'll forgive me if I suppress that urge and bury it deep inside me.

[As well as that mental image...

...And this conversation.]

[fearthepackingchips]

I dunno, have you been watching the political ads on tv? They make pretty good cases for it. LINDA MCMAHON HATES WOMEN. Why would you hate women? They're squishy in all the right places and make other things less squishy. What's to hate?

[fearthepackingchips]

Aw, but I already started working on the invitations! It's kinda too late now, I'm booked every other day.

...what's your favorite color?

[megamind]

Black, duh.

... wait, what invitations?

[fearthepackingchips]

Not for everyone, I guess.

So. Are you crossing your signals too?

Really? That's...that's the wording you're going with?

[fearthepackingchips]

Nice. Classy. Personally I prefer red, but not everybody can pull it off. Black looks good on everybody, it might detract from that big bulbous thing on your shoulders.

...and your forehead.

The invitations to the wedding, of course! Mr and Mrs Evil Overlord. It's gonna be the party of the century, I promise. Probably the next one too.

[megamind]

Whoa whoa whoa. Back up the truck, there. While I respect your sporty choice in villainy attire and your initiative, I don't even know who she is.

Also, there's this whole 'last relationship I had blew up in my face.' ... actually, so did my last one on the ship, too, and--

Look, I'm just not ready to commit right now, okay?

[cackling_overlord]

I find it hard to believe a woman could hate women. Political ads will say anything to defame someone, and I speak from experience!

[fearthepackingchips]

She's...my Writer-lady. I don't know, I don't talk to her. I just live here. But she's probably a wonderful person. You'd like her.

And what's wrong with relationships blowing up in your face? Mine do too. ...well, usually they end with them trying to kill me, but hey. Explosions would be so much cooler. Maybe next time!

You really need to work on that. I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to kill you.

Oh, shaddup. What do you know.

[...yes, he did just talk to himself. Empty air. Silence, fiend.]

Who's talking about commitment? You know Hollywood weddings, right? Hang on for a week then get a divorce. It's easy!

[fearthepackingchips]

Well sure, how else are they gonna get people to vote?

Personally I think they should just have a deathmatch and duke it out. EVERYONE would watch that.

[megamind]

The last one gave me acid burns. I'm really not up for any more... maim... ing. [ oh god this one is totally nuts what the hell is up with this ]

Or working the way to murder.

Look, uh. Why don't you get back to, uhm, the invitations and i'll... get back to you on the rest, okay?

[cackling_overlord]

Screw that! I say things should return to how they were in the old days: leadership is decided through WAR! The conqueror takes all!

[fearthepackingchips]

Well it's not like I intentionally go for the homicidal ones. But them's the breaks.

You mean it?? Oh, you won't regret it. You'll make such a cute couple. And it'll be such a beautiful wedding, I might cry.

...although that could be the teargas.

[Yes. He's grinning through his mask.]

[fearthepackingchips]

Like chess! Or checkers! I could get behind that.

...can I be a rook?

[routemistress]

Don't be daft, Bea Arthur's nothing like me. An' I'd tell you about the time I danced with Obi-Wan in a bar in Mandalore. Only I need to drop this thread 'ere, love, on account of I'm playing Carroll's Duchess in another scene and it's time for me costume change.

Come look me up on Fourth Wall day, lovey.