dear_mun | (no subject)

[ Setsuna shakes his head, in blatant refusal of this assertion. He of course doesn't understand that Zero is a name for Suzaku, a moniker, and so... ]

No. No one is a "Zero".

[ Good luck with this one, Suzaku. A complete stranger you may be, a complete lack of existence, but Setsuna won't be hearing any arguments to the contrary. That's just how he is, like a certain emperor you once knew. ]

[He doesn't really expect Setsuna to understand, so that's alright; Zero is a symbol to those who fell under the grip of Britannia. Strangely, this refusal brings out a small chuckle. "A" Zero?]

You misunderstand. "Zero" is what I am called, for I am not one individual but one who represents something for the many.

[It's that familiar quality that actually prevents Zero from immediately dismissing their conversation. Genuine, perhaps innocent, before they unleashed Hell. He doesn't wish to taint it, even with the meaninglessness of this space, so he'll omit those certain details.]

[ Setsuna is unaware of his mistake until Suzaku points it out, and even when he does, he just shrugs. Setsuna is indeed genuine, though he's far from innocent. The hardened look in his eyes says about as much. ]

My point stands.

Edited 2012-10-23 05:21 (UTC)

[Very much like Lelouch, and perhaps himself in the past. ]

As does mine. Would it mean anything if I said this was an oath I took and will fulfill for the duration of my lifetime?

[Because some people stand so close to their ideals that they don't see those around them.]

[ Nostalgia can be awfully bittersweet at times. With gold faintly ringing his eyes— ]

It is a foolish oath, then. You cannot cease to be a person. It is not your decision to make.

[Foolish? A knot forms, but it's pushed away; it's not like he's been particularly direct about why he lives the way he does. The laughter is short, cut off after what seems like little more than the first breath.]

Only to someone who doesn't know why it has been taken, and it is my decision; that person died, defeated by one who hated him. And now, this is my punishment: to carry the weight of this name and this mask, to exist as the symbol the people still need in this uncertain and newborn time. There will be a day when the world remembers these ideals on its own, but until then I will wear this mask and bear the name of Zero as I pledged.

[ Another shake of his head, dismissive of every word the masked man has said. ]

You use too many words. They're unnecessary, here.

Answer me this, and only this: is there a heart beating in your chest?

Edited 2012-10-23 07:08 (UTC)

[Like so many have done before. But being Zero does come with a bit of a tag that says "WORDS WORDS WORDS", more or less... Had to learn how to do that better. But such a simple question; not that he can give a simple answer. There's too much that's happened for that.]

Somehow.

[ It's not as if Setsuna is disparaging of verbosity, per se, can indulge in philosophical musing himself on occasion, but there's a time and a place for it, and it isn't now. ]

Then you are alive. And until your heart stops beating, it has decided for you.

[ Setsuna extends a hand to Suzaku, less as an offer for him to take it and more as a symbolic gesture. ]

You are alive, the same as me.

[Isn't it? He did ask for an explanation. Nothing in Zero's life is quite simple enough (besides that "geass") to answer with less than four words. That answer he gets, though... It draws forth a resigned sort of laughter, and Suzaku peers through the cracks for a moment.]

Only in the sense that my heart is beating. My life is not mine to live any longer.

[He's sure he'll never be able to convince him of this, not at the rate they're going.]

[ Setsuna's life is as far of a cry from simple as you can get, indoctrinated as a child soldier by force, witness to countless atrocities, men and women and children torn apart. They are not so different in what they have seen and experienced, and perhaps a pessimistic side Setsuna also professes to be dead.

But that is not the mask he wears for the world to see. The mask he wears is one of strength, and he will get Suzaku to listen, one way or another. ]

Come to Ariel, and you'll see. I'll prove you wrong. And someone else will prove you wrong, as well.

[ A pause, and then... ]

Lelouch vi Britannia is there. And I know that you are the one he once called knight.

[No; in that case, they are quite similar. The difference is that Zero exists through the corpse of a corrupt knight. It isn't... as--no, simple isn't the word for it, but it's more complicated than Setsuna seems to be taking this to be. Zero wears his mask because he needs to.

With as sensitive and delicate as the new peace is, there needs to be a unifying symbol to keep everything from shattering. He can't just... let Nunnally scramble. He can't.

That place; behind the mask, his gaze lowers. He can't leave his place.

Even as that name is mentioned, form tensing. Especially, his mind supplies, frantic, not with him there. Complications aside...]

His knight died in combat.

[ Bluntly, once again, because honestly, Suzaku, you're wasting your breath here. And turning aside from him, his back to him, as if to leave. ]

His knight is alive and speaking with me now. Regardless of whether or not you choose to believe it, that is fact.

[And behind his mask, Zero smiles. It's frustrating, being told that which you try so desperately to convince yourself isn't true. But his punishment is to deny himself, in essence, and serve the role he stands in.]

No, he isn't.

[Shame that they can't carry the discussion somewhere it matters. ~~Because Dear Mun is like Vegas, clearly.~~]

[ He won't go quite yet, but he will remain where he is. Unmoving. Unflinching. ]

Who told you to believe this? Was it him?

[ Yes, he knows all about your little Requiem, too. Spoilers: he can look into hearts and minds, and is quite familiar with the Lelouch you've been speaking with recently. ]

"Him"?

[He'll draw the conclusion, though; amusingly, that "him" could easily apply to Suzaku as much as Lelouch. It was the conclusion they both drew, not one over the other--not really. If he knew about that whole brain-peeping-Tom thing, he likely wouldn't speak so much.]

The Knight of Zero and 99th Emperor needed to die for sins committed, you could say. And so they did.

[ And that does it, makes Setsuna snap and turn swift on his heel, a tiger that has been provoked into a pounce. ]

This sort of masochism... disgusting. You don't even realize it, do you?

[ He stalks back in front of Suzaku, gets in his face, in his mask. He won't punch or slap or otherwise physically attack, but his eyes are glowing fiercely, infuriated. ]

You claim to be justice, yet look how selfish you are. You think this is what he wants? Maybe then, but not now. I don't care about titles or crowns, but you were his knight once. You still are, he tells me. You can swear an oath to your grave, but this isn't an oath. It's just satisfying yourself, what you believe your punishment should be.

[ Actually, no, he will give him a shove, more of a push to wake him the hell up than to be aggressive. He's not trying to start an altercation, just trying to get Suzaku to see reason. ]

You aren't a sword. You're just a shell. You're trying to bury your heart, and it's disgusting. What do you think makes a knight a knight, a sword a sword?

It's his heart. And to throw it away as if it's nothing... you can never protect anyone like that.

Edited 2012-10-25 16:28 (UTC)

[Zero is impassive through the lecturing; this "selfishness" that Setsuna calls it: it's one of the few things he's held with any certainty in what feels like ages. They'd made amends, made a pact--a plan for atonement which there'd been no alternative. But the mention that this isn't what Lelouch wants? Anger simmers beneath the surface, though whether at those words or the presumption that this is done for either of them and not the world they helped tear apart...

Suzaku, for a brief instant, is the one to grab for Setsuna's wrist as he's shoved. Zero would be the one to hold onto it.]

You're wrong.

[He can't be emotional, can't be pushed by this.]

This isn't for me. This isn't even for Lelouch. It doesn't matter if it's what he wants--we were knight and emperor in name only. It was a formality, never real.

[We were friends. Breathe, Zero.]

This is for the lives we destroyed. This is my sentence, to persist like this. It can only be disgusting because this is meant to be punishment for a disgusting series of choices made in life.

If I were to live as Suzaku, I would never be able...

[To give back to the scores of dead, to give back to his homeland for all he'd done against her. Breathe.]

...Do you honestly think I enjoy this?

[His words sit low, and Zero fights to gather himself around this central emptiness, the part of him that absorbs the impact of his existence and reaffirms that this is the punishment he faces for his crimes. He acts only for others, for the civilians who managed to survive, for the memory of those lost, for her because she is the one to whom the world turns now.

He puts up with it willingly, serves his sentence without complaint. It's what he deserves for being as selfish as he was in the past.]

You were friends, weren't you?

[ Typical Setsuna, cutting straight through the long-winded bullshit to the truth. ]

You were more than that. I know this. I am not like you. I have seen. With these eyes and with my Gundam I have seen the nature of his feelings.

[ Setsuna does not flinch when his wrist is snatched or react aggressively; he has been sated, his anger simmering down again. But he still addresses Suzaku sternly, unwaveringly, a sword in the proverbial stone that budges only for the truly worthy. Gold eyes staring into an opaque mask, seeing what others can't. ]

Penance, atonement. You can disguise your words, but you're lying. The only sentence is one you've imposed on yourself. It is a punishment you willingly endure. Your "Requiem" has no place here.

[ And at Suzaku's last question, the brutal, cutting truth: ]

Yes.

Edited 2012-10-25 20:17 (UTC)

[So blunt, Setsuna; yes. But how could you know, Zero wants to ask, but he stays silent. Wants to ask how he knows anything about Lelouch's thoughts, but decides that's something better not to ask for an entirely different reason. Whatever a Gundam is, that's also left to things Zero dismisses. The hold on Setsuna's wrist is firm, but not with intent to harm. Just to keep. To hold in place while Zero scrambles to keep Suzaku buried.

Those words miss something vital, Setsuna, and it's for that Zero watches him, studies him. Taking responsibility, enduring punishment--it's like any other prison sentence. Only his prison is within the walls of a mask and loaded mantle. If he stood outside them for any reason, it would be unforgivable. Because of this, he refuses to do so. He'll remain Zero because that is what he swore to do, because they'd committed to it. Even if things work differently here, it... doesn't change anything.

But...

"Yes."

No. If he enjoyed it, the purpose would be lost.]

Wrong.

[He feels deserving of it, yes; but being willing to accept and endure punishment is very different from enjoying it. He hates being unable to do more than he can, be restricted the way he is. Being left behind, alone. He'll suffer it, though, and do what he can for the world even if it's only so much. After all, it's Nunnally's show, now. He'll stand by her, offer her what insight he can (he's no political strategist like Lelouch, and the world's on that new axis for now). But to enjoy his punishment proper...? No. No, he's sure that isn't true.]

[ The inhuman circuitry surging through Setsuna's eyes says what his mouth does not, you're lying, but indeed, he'll refrain from pressing the matter further. He does, however, shift his wrist, unfold his fingers, and... ]

I'm sorry.

[ ...lace them around Suzaku's, holding tight. Because Setsuna is also a knight, a sword for justice, and so he understands how to protect, preserve. He cannot protect Suzaku from the fate that has befallen him, but he can protect him from falling further. ]

I'm sorry it hurts to be alive.

I hope that someday you find reason to live again. A reason that isn't this sort of punishment.

[ His eyes drop, lose their color and return to a murky brown. ]

Suzaku Kururugi... is someone who deserves to be alive, so I am told. So I know.

[He's too used to glowing eyes to really say anything about Setsuna's, and the aversion of his gaze denies him much chance to take note of it now. And then it's not averted but rather on their joined hands. It seems like the most fascinating thing in the world for that moment, and Zero can't help but stare.

He looks up from there to Setsuna, almost uncomprehending the sudden change. But then it isn't, is it? Tension simultaneously rushes into him and drains away, physical manifestation of the uncertainty running through his mind. What... Those words make his chest tighten, breath coming shorter. While Setsuna looks away, he continues to watch.

Suzaku squeezes his eyes shut behind the mask of Zero; no. No, he doesn't... Not after everything. Not unless it is to atone. Kururugi Suzaku was a war criminal, he doesn't...]

You don't know what you're talking about.

[He's sure of it. There's no way Setsuna could know anything. And Lelouch... They're the same, and this is the only way... for either of them to move towards some thin chance at redeeming their worth as humans. For Lelouch to set the world moving again, and for Suzaku to ensure that it continues as Zero...]

[ Indeed, Setsuna's gaze is reluctant to meet Suzaku's now, saddened as it is, full of hurt that he tries to hide, too. The denial of his own existence, the one he threw away in favor of a nobler cause. For Setsuna served a Requiem as well, and someone he loved had died to see it to fruition. He had been a sword to piece through the heart of a tyrant and he had seen the transformation of his world, but behind a mask. The watchful eyes of the Ptolemy, circling the world unknown, terrorists and heroes the world reviled. ]

He... couldn't live in that world he made. Lelouch couldn't—

[ Setsuna pauses, catches his breath, won't let that scant bit of emotion he still possesses to tumble out. ]

It's unfair. But it's also unfair that you're doing this to yourself. You know he hasn't given up on you, he still... he still believes, someday, you'll return.

[ He brings their joined hands to his forehead. He is not the sort to cry and he does not, but his voice wavers the slightest bit. ]

Someday, come back and see him. Please. Not as this Zero, but as the knight he loves.

[Zero isn't sure how to take the direction they seem to be falling, but to know... To know all that Setsuna says and find it tugs at the wall he's fought to build around his heart--as if everything else hasn't pulled at it enough as it is...

Lelouch couldn't live in that world because he knew someone needed to fall, that blame could be placed somewhere. That had, at one point, just been the logical conclusion. Hearing it said aloud, hearing it now meant an entirely different absorption of the fact, the sentiment.

But still, Zero can't accept that it's unfair to anyone that he lives out this punishment. He's deserving of it, of this non-identity. But even as he knows this, even as he's forced himself to swallow and accept this, with Setsuna like this (a man he doesn't know, and yet awash with emotion he can't even fathom to know the depths of), Suzaku holds a little more firmly to the hand clasping his.]

...Maybe someday.

[Zero can't keep every desire quiet, can't smother all of Suzaku, and he knows it. Knows it more clearly now, in any event, where those barriers he's kept up have slowly begun to crumble the more he fights to keep them standing. Kururugi Suzaku is an emotional person; a mask can only hide so much of that when faced with someone equally so.]

[ Falling is inevitable. Someone or something must always fall for great change to come to pass. Lelouch had to die; Lockon had to die. And because they died, because of that sacrifice, the people Suzaku and Setsuna cared for most of all contributed to a better, bright future, a tomorrow free of the scourge of war.

The peace is tenuous and weak, but at the same time it is strong, because of people like Suzaku and Setsuna, who will always be watching from the shadows of time and space.

And the thought, and Suzaku's words, makes him smile, too. ]

Someday will come as soon as you allow it, Suzaku Kururugi.

I will believe in that.

[ And believe in you, his hand says, easing into Suzaku's grip. Submission and understanding to his decision, if not his mindset of harmful self-sacrifice. ]

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dw y u gotta break? -chews on itttttt-

CHEWS ON YOU

OH DAMN--

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i'm going to bed now i swear

spanks you!!!

/crai

sexyface.jpg

/swoon

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Probably shift to musebox within the next few?

No problem. :)

/o/

THAT ICON THAT TAG THIS THREAD I CAN'T

oops

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TAGS BACK A MILLION YEARS LATER

IT'S OKAY BB