stiles is whiny and cowardly; canon is teen wolf

[stiles]

I am more than freaking comfortable in this nice, cozy headspace you got. No need to drag me out for anything, and especially not that. I get enough horror back home. This is supposed to be a break.

And would you stop eying all the supernatural worlds? Send me somewhere easy, where they have voluptuous women ready to serve me curly fries. I am young, and have no plans on spending these tender years being terrorized by monsters.

And, okay, if curly fries are just completely out of the question -- which they shouldn't be, I've been extra good this year and did my homework and washed behind my ears and made my bed almost every morning! -- then maybe just somewhere I won't get eaten?

It would be my life when I have to actually verbalize that request. Jesus.

Comments

[goddamned]

I hear cannibalism's gone retro. [ ..well, what else would he mean by getting eaten? ]

[stiles]

[ You can never be certain with Stiles. He usually goes too fast for it to matter, anyway. ] Yeah, and that's, like, what the hell, humanity? Can't we not murder and eat one another? -- wait, no, double negative, but you get it.

My flesh being consumed is on my no list. I don't think that's unreasonable.

[goddamned]

[ Personally, he never saw the highlight of consuming human flesh. Murder, on the other hand... he needs group meetings. ] As far as negotiations go, I'd say not being flayed and eaten like sushi is a top priority. One that probably shouldn't get much crap stacked against it.

Who knows with these people?

[stiles]

Right, yes, that is a very... well, vivid description of my new worst fear, thank you. I never enjoyed fine Japanese cuisine, but the art of edible raw fish is thoroughly ruined.

[ Never one to dwell on the nastier bits of imagery, he barges on, hands waving. ] Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered by the attention. It just seems to me there might be a refreshing change of environment available. I had a lovely conversation with a talking pony not too long ago. I wouldn't mind checking that universe out.

o/

[arsoned]

[ He's going to stare at you long and hard, Stiles, because you think curly fries are off base rather than voluptuous women. Actually, he's going to frown now. And not say anything, because he does that.

That's his Thing. ]

\o!!!

[stiles]

[ Stiles is pretty okay with this Thing, since it's better than Derek's other Thing, which is throwing Stiles against walls and growling.

Not that the staring is unnerving or undeserving of it's own title, but it's significantly less violent, and he can appreciate that. ] So, what, are you going to get all judgmental? "Oh, poor Stiles, he can't battle back monsters with a single flex of his oversized bicep." I have my strengths, buddy.

I'm the brain to the brawn.

[arsoned]

I was thinking you talk a lot. For someone with so many words, you don't say much. [ Worth hearing, that is. He probably owes Stiles more than toleration for putting him up with room and board for awhile there, but he's too preoccupied with everything else to care. ] You really think they're going to send you somewhere normal?

[stiles]

I think that it never hurts to make your opinion heard. [ No, what he thinks is that by running his mouth long enough maybe everyone will just lay down and give up arguing it.

You can't really blame him; the method has worked once or twice before. ] If I don't object, people might start thinking I enjoy things like being kidnapped and send me to some hellish universe out of a misplaced sense of kindness. I have explained this is not the case -- no misunderstandings!

You know, verbal communication. The thing you never do.