I don't know what I'm doing

[fiftyfirsthates]

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
OH YEAH, THAT'S REALLY REASSURING.
IN FACT, I FEEL HONORED TO BE PLAYED BY YOU. IT'S REALLY GREAT, REAL FUCKING GREAT.
HERE, LET ME GIVE YOU A CERTIFICATE TO PROVE IT.
"I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE TO BUTCHER MY CHARACTER AND TORTURE ME FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT.
FUCK YOU."
SIGNED,
"KARKAT VANTAS"

LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE USED TO ORDERING AROUND THAT SWEATY HORSE-BULGE LOVING IDIOT, SO LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING.
I DO NOT TAKE ORDERS. I GIVE THEM. OR AT LEAST I USED TO.
FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, LET'S JUST SAY THAT I AM DEFINITELY THE ONLY ONE GIVING ORDERS AROUND HERE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? WAIT, LET ME HERE IT STRAIGHT FROM YOUR CHUTE: "I WILL NOT GIVE KARKAT ORDERS."

[Sing "I'm a Little Teapot"!]

ALRIGHT, OBVIOUSLY YOU DIDN'T GET IT THROUGH YOUR THINKPAN THE FIRST TIME SO I'M JUST GOING TO REITERATE THAT I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT SHORT AND STOUT
OH FUCK.

I HATE YOU SO MUCH ALREADY.