He solemnly swears some stuff.

[alwaysimpure]

Most honourable writer,

Let me start this by offering you congratulations on rediscovering how much you crave writing me. I can perfectly relate to that, I'm sure I'd crave being me if I wasn't. Although, if you could possibly revise some of those less than flattering opinions you have on me before you spread them any further, I'd be much obliged.

In that vein falls your opinion on my face: I agree, this isn't a perfect fit, but he's a handsome enough chap so I have no complaints and I'm sure you'll agree that ultimately my opinion on this counts more than yours.

Moving on, while I remain extremely honoured by your interest in me, my life and, well, more of me, I'd like it more if you focused on the time before...

Just the time before.

On the other hand, I'd consider myself deeply indebted to you should you really continue down this path of actually making an effort of finding my esteemed friends and colleagues, Messr. Prongs, Messr. Moony and Messr. Wormtail for me to interact with. I assure you nothing bad can come from that.

Yours sincerely,
Messr. Padfoot


P.S.: If you are reading this; you're a manky minger and will die alone.

Comments

[gorgonette]

Wow.

No really, wow.

That's an impressive amount of pretension and narcissism you managed to cram into a relatively short speech.

[alwaysimpure]

And I wrote it really fast, too!

Don't worry, people always need some time to comprehend the grandness.

[gorgonette]

Truly I have witnessed genius at work.

Who's worried?

[alwaysimpure]

You catch on quickly.

Quite a few people around me, usually, but they exaggerate.

[gorgonette]

They tell me I'm clever.

Does that make you the subtle one?

[the_noble_black]

[A scowl and an eye roll.]

Egotist.

[alwaysimpure]

[What was that? He couldn't hear you over the sound of HOW AWESOME HE IS, that's right.]

That's pretty low down on the name-calling list.

[the_noble_black]

I figure you've heard it all before.

[Ugh you are SO BENEATH HIM.]

[alwaysimpure]

You never know, I might forget a thing or two as time goes on.

I think no one's ever called me 'coward'. Wonder why.

[the_noble_black]

[Have a flat stare. That was a title more commonly donned on Regulus than his brother.]

You're too stupid to pick your battles, is why.

[messr_prongs]

I agree on most of the points above, Messr. Padfoot. Except you forgot the part where I am the handsome one and you're the one who drools all over his scrolls.

[alwaysimpure]

Drooling over one's scrolls - not saying that I've ever done such a thing - does not impact one's handsomeness one way or the other.

I'm the ruggedly handsome, you are the moderately attractive one. By comparison, at least, as your friend I'll readily admit that you are above average compared to a normal human being.

[messr_prongs]

It does when you wake up with the scroll stuck to your face and slobber-diffused ink marks all over your ugly mug.

I'll pretend I didn't see the rest of that, for your sake, because I would hate to have to hex my best mate.

[alwaysimpure]

That's the thanks I get for lending my genius to projects that have me breed over scrolls all night?

I'm hurt. To the core.

[messr_prongs]

Oh, I'm sure. Bleeding from the inside, eh, Pads?

What's this about scroll breeding? You should leave the transfiguration to the pros. Turning them into rabbits won't make your scrolls multiply any faster.

...Or will it?

Have we tested this theory?

[furor_lunaris]

Really Sirius, was the post script necessary?

[alwaysimpure]

I'm not naming names or anything, so who'd take offense to it?

[furor_lunaris]

I can think of at least one person who would, you're not exactly being subtle.

[alwaysimpure]

If that person would take offense to that, they're clearly just to big-nosed. Thin-skinned, I meant.

[furor_lunaris]

Or you're just being unnecessarily childish.

[fire_punk]

Wow. You're an asshole.

[alwaysimpure]

You cut to the quick, don't you?

[fire_punk]

I didn't say anything about your speed. [Kevin's confused.]

[alwaysimpure]

It's a saying. Don't worry about it.

So who're you?

[fire_punk]

Kevin. And what kind of name is Padfoot?