He solemnly swears some stuff.

[alwaysimpure]

Most honourable writer,

Let me start this by offering you congratulations on rediscovering how much you crave writing me. I can perfectly relate to that, I'm sure I'd crave being me if I wasn't. Although, if you could possibly revise some of those less than flattering opinions you have on me before you spread them any further, I'd be much obliged.

In that vein falls your opinion on my face: I agree, this isn't a perfect fit, but he's a handsome enough chap so I have no complaints and I'm sure you'll agree that ultimately my opinion on this counts more than yours.

Moving on, while I remain extremely honoured by your interest in me, my life and, well, more of me, I'd like it more if you focused on the time before...

Just the time before.

On the other hand, I'd consider myself deeply indebted to you should you really continue down this path of actually making an effort of finding my esteemed friends and colleagues, Messr. Prongs, Messr. Moony and Messr. Wormtail for me to interact with. I assure you nothing bad can come from that.

Yours sincerely,
Messr. Padfoot


P.S.: If you are reading this; you're a manky minger and will die alone.

Comments

[gorgonette]

Wow.

No really, wow.

That's an impressive amount of pretension and narcissism you managed to cram into a relatively short speech.

[alwaysimpure]

And I wrote it really fast, too!

Don't worry, people always need some time to comprehend the grandness.

[gorgonette]

Truly I have witnessed genius at work.

Who's worried?

[alwaysimpure]

You catch on quickly.

Quite a few people around me, usually, but they exaggerate.

[gorgonette]

They tell me I'm clever.

Does that make you the subtle one?

[alwaysimpure]

What else do they say?

I'm very low-key.

[gorgonette]

Right.

Let's just say that guys like you generally don't give a shit about what's said about me. Think that sums the situation up pretty well.

[the_noble_black]

[A scowl and an eye roll.]

Egotist.

[alwaysimpure]

[What was that? He couldn't hear you over the sound of HOW AWESOME HE IS, that's right.]

That's pretty low down on the name-calling list.

[alwaysimpure]

A little judgmental, aren't you?

...my writer says that I'd come up with things to say about you and I want to dispute that.

[the_noble_black]

I figure you've heard it all before.

[Ugh you are SO BENEATH HIM.]

I know how to spell

[gorgonette]

I usually refer to it as skepticism with a touch of misanthropy.

Of course you'd come up with stuff, you might as well have 'bully' stamped on your forehead and I'm the awkward, repulsive chick people hate looking at.

[alwaysimpure]

You never know, I might forget a thing or two as time goes on.

I think no one's ever called me 'coward'. Wonder why.

[the_noble_black]

[Have a flat stare. That was a title more commonly donned on Regulus than his brother.]

You're too stupid to pick your battles, is why.

[alwaysimpure]

Sure, sure.

It might also be the issue of having a backbone.

[the_noble_black]

At the expense of a brain.

I know this to be a lie (I also didn't see the typo at first...)

[alwaysimpure]

I'm not that bad.

Unless you did something to deserve it.

shh

[gorgonette]

People have thought I deserve it just for existing, so excuse me if I'm not too impressed.

[messr_prongs]

I agree on most of the points above, Messr. Padfoot. Except you forgot the part where I am the handsome one and you're the one who drools all over his scrolls.

[alwaysimpure]

Long as you're not doing dark magic and sacrificing virgins, I'm probably not going to have a problem with you.

[alwaysimpure]

Drooling over one's scrolls - not saying that I've ever done such a thing - does not impact one's handsomeness one way or the other.

I'm the ruggedly handsome, you are the moderately attractive one. By comparison, at least, as your friend I'll readily admit that you are above average compared to a normal human being.

[gorgonette]

Only virginity I ever sacrificed was my own.

[messr_prongs]

It does when you wake up with the scroll stuck to your face and slobber-diffused ink marks all over your ugly mug.

I'll pretend I didn't see the rest of that, for your sake, because I would hate to have to hex my best mate.

[alwaysimpure]

That must be why you have better grades than me.

[alwaysimpure]

That's the thanks I get for lending my genius to projects that have me breed over scrolls all night?

I'm hurt. To the core.