BEING ON THIS METEOR IS UTTERLY INTOLERABLE.

[redregrets]

OKAY, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU THINK YOU'RE AWFUL AT PORTRAYING ME, WHICH YEAH, OKAY, I CAN AGREE WITH YOU THERE.
BUT INSTEAD OF BEING A SENSIBLE PERSON AND BEING DETERRED BY YOUR FAILURE TO GRASP THE INNER WORKINGS OF MY PERSONALITY, YOU INSTEAD ARE INSPIRED BY THE SUCCESS OF OTHERS, OR AT LEAST, SUCCESS BY YOUR STANDARDS, DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED, AND PROCEED TO CONTINUE MUTILATING MY PERSONALITY.

WELL, AREN'T YOU JUST A JEWEL. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I DON'T LIKE YOU. IF YOU HAD AT LEAST ONE CELL IN YOUR MEASLY THINKPAN, WHICH I'M STARTING TO SUSPECT IS NONEXISTENT, YOU WOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT. USUALLY, SENTIENT BEINGS WITH HALF A THINK PAN CAN COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU SHOULD THEREFORE STAY OUT OF MY WAY. BUT OH NO, FOR SOME REASON, ALL HUMANS ALIKE FAIL TO GRASP THIS INCREDIBLY SIMPLE PROSPECT.

NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO GET TO THE POINT OF THIS MEMO.

BY ALL MEANS, JUST STOP READING HERE AND SAVE YOUR OCULAR ORBS THE TRAUMA OF CONTINUING. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'D BE MISSING THE ENTIRE POINT OF THIS MEMO IF YOU DID.  

LIFE ON THIS METEOR IS UTTERLY INTOLERABLE. 

CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE STRIDER AND LALONDE CONSTANTLY PESTERING YOU EVERY FUCKING MILLISECOND? MY BEST FRIEND IS OFF HAVING A SPACE PARTY WITH MEGIDO, LEAVING ME HIGH AND DRY OVER HERE. MY MOIRAIL HAS BEEN MISSING FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG, AND NO ONE HAS DONE ANYTHING BUT SAY GOOD RIDDANCE, WHICH, I DON'T KNOW, MAY BE SLIGHTLY HURTFUL KANAYA. SO THAT LEAVES ME WITH A RAINBOW DRINKER WITH A CHAINSAW AND AN OBVIOUS RED FLIRTATION THING GOING ON, EVEN IF SHE LIKES TO THINK IT ISN'T OBVIOUS, TWO PATHETICALLY USELESS AND ANNOYING HUMANS, NEITHER OF WHICH ARE THE TWO THAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO CONVERSE WITH, A BLIND GIRL WHO I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SOME AFFECTION FOR, BUT THAT'S NEVER GOING ANYWHERE, SO I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I BROUGHT IT UP, AND OH YEAH, A COMPLETELY IDIOTIC CARAPACE WHO DOES NOTHING TO HELP US AND PLAYS WITH CANS ALL DAY.

BOY OH BOY, WHAT A CHEERFULLY HAPPY FUN TIME ON A PATHETIC FLYING ROCK IN SPACE. YIPEE! LET'S ALL JUMP FOR JOY AND CHAFT OUR BULGES.

AND THAT'S NOT TO MENTION THE HORROR OF THE DREAM BUBBLES, AND MY ANCESTOR. GOD, DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HIM. THE OTHERS ARE ALRIGHT. TOLERABLE AT THE VERY LEAST. BUT HIM. I'M HONESTLY SURPRISED MY AURICULAR SPONGE CLOTS HAVEN'T IMPLOADED YET, OR MAYBE MY THINK PAN WILL JUST MELT AND PATHETICALLY DRIBBLE OUT OF MY HEAD. CONVERSING WITH HIM IS EVEN WORSE THAN TALKING TO MY DEAD FRIENDS, AND THAT'S NOT EXACTLY AN ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCE EITHER.

JADE, JOHN, I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A BETTER TIME WITH THIS THAN I AM. I ACTUALLY SORT OF WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU GUYS. ANYTHING IS MORE TOLERABLE THAN THIS SHIT STORM.

Comments

[ineuphony]

Chin up! I'm sure it's not all that bad.

[redregrets]

OH THANK YOU, RANDOM HUMAN, FOR THAT TRULY INSPIRING PIECE OF ADVICE.
I'LL JUST PRINT THAT OUT AND PIN IT OUTSIDE MY RESPITE BLOCK SO I CAN SEE IT ALL THE TIME.

THAT WAS SARCASM, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T CATCH THAT.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE, AND I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO, BUT DON'T MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT SHIT YOU CAN'T AND WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND.
BAD DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COVER THIS CLUSTER FUCK.

[ineuphony]

Yeah, I do get sarcasm. I'm not an idiot. -- But seriously, Karkat, you're being way too dramatic about this.

[redregrets]

WOAH, OKAY, FORGIVE ME FOR ATTEMPTING TO POTENTIALLY SAVE YOU FROM MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF.
NOT ALL OF US ARE FAMILIAR WITH SARCASM, AND I WASN'T SURE HOW MUCH OF A THINK PAN YOU POSSESS.

LOOK, OKAY, DO YOU HAVE HALF OF YOUR FRIENDS KILLED ON A REGULAR BASIS?
BECAUSE I JUST DID.
DOES THAT MAKE THINGS CLEARER FOR YOU?
DO YOU NEED ME TO ELABORATE, BECAUSE I COULD.
LET'S SEE, MY PLANET WAS DESTROYED, SO MY REMAINING FRIENDS AND I ARE THE SOLE MEMBERS OF OUR RACE.
THE MATRIORB'S BEEN DESTROYED, SO WE HAVE NO MEANS OF REPRODUCTION, SO WE'RE THE LAST FOR SURE.
AND OH YES, THERE'S A RABID DEMON THAT COULD KILL ALL OF US IN A SECOND AND BARELY BREAK A SWEAT PURSUING US RIGHT AT THIS VERY MOMENT.
NOW DO YOU THINK I'M BEING TOO DRAMATIC?

[ineuphony]

Uh... no. -- But there's gotta be a bright side to all of that, right?

Well, this is gonna end badly. [The grey throws him off, okay]

[disgracedvoid]

}↠ In all honesty, at least your rainbow drinker does not preach at you
}↠ Snidely
}↠ Everything can be made worse with a snide and preachy rainbow drinker with a message to deliver and need of an audience
}↠ It can be quite disconcerting to say the least
}↠ Nonetheless, for all its faults, it does seem you live in interesting times
}↠ And a chance to meet your ancestor is not something to scoff at, either

Oh wow! I've never RPed with a Darkleer before!! This shall be interesting.

[redregrets]

OH, I GUESS THE PREACHING RAINBOW DRINKER IS A UNIVERSAL CONSTANT.
SHE'S PRETTY SNIDE WHEN SHE WANTS TO BE, THAT'S FOR SURE.
SO GREAT, THANKS FOR REMINDING ME ABOUT YET ANOTHER UNPLEASANT ASPECT OF MY CURRENT SITUATION.

YEAH, INTERESTING IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
IT WOULD BE NICE, IF HE EVER SHUT HIS MOUTH.
I'M CONVINCED IT WOULD TAKE A MUSCLE BEAST HOURS TO MUTILATE HIS CORPSE ENOUGH TO FORCE HIM TO KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT.

SPEAKING OF ANCESTORS, YOUR QUIRK KIND OF REMINDS ME OF ONE OF MY FRIENDS.
OR, WELL, HE WAS MY FRIEND, BUT HE'S BEEN DEAD FOR A WHILE NOW.
HE WAS KIND OF A CREEP THOUGH, AND YOU SEEM ALRIGHT.

I've been meaning to pick him up for months, he's been eating at my brain OTL

[disgracedvoid]

}↠ That is unfortunate
}↠ I had not meant to exacerbate your situation

}↠ That is a rather
}↠ Unique allegory
}↠ Though perhaps suitable for your
}↠ Unique situation

}↠ Ah, a fellow archeradicator, perhaps
}↠ It is somewhat common among the ranks
}↠ Or was, in my day
}↠ I am afraid the temporal distortions of this place do not settle well with me

I know the feeling. I always try to resist because I have so many muses already, but I never can.

[redregrets]

IT'S FINE.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW, AND I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU TO.
SHE'S NOT EVEN THE WORST PERSON WITH ME.

UH.
THANKS?
I DIDN'T REALLY THINK ABOUT IT.
SHIT, YOU AREN'T CRAZY ABOUT MUSCLEBEASTS LIKE EQUIUS ARE YOU?
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE MY POINT.
BUT YEAH, HE'S A HASSLE.
IF I NEVER HAD TO LISTEN TO HIM AGAIN, IT WOULD BE TOO SOON.

WELL, HE WAS ONLY SIX SWEEPS WHEN HE DIED, SO HE NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO BECOME ANYTHING.
BUT I THINK THAT WAS SOMETHING HE WAS IN TO.
I'M ALSO PRETTY SURE HE WAS AWFUL AT IT, BUT WHATEVER.
OH, I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE HOW FAR BACK YOU ARE, BUT I HAVE TO BE FROM SOME POINT IN YOUR FUTURE.
IF YOU ARE EQUIUS' ANCESTOR, THAT WOULD NARROW THINGS DOWN A BIT.

[grand_lowblood]

you should learn to relax a little brother.
things can only get better for you, right?

[redregrets]

GAMZEE?
WHAT THE HELL.
I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU IN FOREVER, AND THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY?
I GUESS I SHOULD BE THANKFUL YOU DIDN'T ADD ANY HONKS AND THAT YOUR QUIRK ACTUALLY LOOKS HALF DECENT NOW.
WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME?

AND YEAH, I GUESS YOU HAVE A POINT THERE.
I CAN'T IMAGINE THINGS BEING MUCH WORSE THAN THIS, BUT THEN AGAIN, I'VE SAID THAT BEFORE AND THINGS GOT A FUCK TON WORSE, SO MAYBE I BETTER KEEP MY WORDGAPER SHUT.

[grand_lowblood]

sorry im not gamzee. :o(
im an older and different subjuggulator.
gamzir makara at your service little bro.

[redregrets]

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU SEEM MORE WELL BEHAVED THAN HIM.
I GUESS IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
I'M HONESTLY SURPRISED.
YOU AREN'T EXACTLY WHAT I WAS EXPECTING.
I MEAN, I DON'T MEAN ANY OFFENSE OR ANYTHING, BUT YOUR DESCENDANT IS EITHER A ROYAL IDIOT WHO WOULDN'T KNOW HIS LUSUS FROM HIS RESPITEBLOCK, OR HE'S A RAGING MANIAC THAT MURDERS PEOPLE WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD.
NO DISRESPECT THOUGH, SHIT, THE KID'S MY MOIRAIL, SO I HAVE TO TOLERATE HIS ANTICS ON A REGULAR BASIS.

[crab_dad]

SKREEEEEEEEEE!!

[Got a problem, Karkat? Dad's here to help you through all your troubles.

[redregrets]

OH GOD DAMMIT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THIS POST DOESN'T CONCERN YOU.
IF IT'S ROE CUBES YOU WANT, I DON'T HAVE ANY ON ME.
I DON'T NEED OR DESIRE YOUR HELP, EVEN REMOTELY.

[crab_dad]

SKREEEE!! *CLACK CLACK* SKREEEE!

[Don't talk back to your Lusus that way, Karkat! Now shut up and tell him what your problem is.]

[redregrets]

YOU'RE DEAD, AND EVEN IF YOU WEREN'T, THERE'S NO WAY YOU'D BE ABLE TO HELP ME WITH MY "PROBLEM", ALRIGHT?
SO JUST SHOVE OFF ALREADY.

[dualii2m]

you miight want two con2iider that your "mun" or whatever doe2nt liike you eiither, KK.
ii know that2 goiing two be really diffiicult for you 2o iill ju2t 2iit here for a2 long a2 iit takes two 2iink iin.

[redregrets]

NO, SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME. SHE IS FUCKING OBSESSED WITH ME. IT'S AN UNHEALTHY ADDICTION, AND THE WORST PART IS THAT SHE'S ACTUALLY TOLERABLE. WE MIGHT EVEN GET ALONG, IF SHE WASN'T A HUMAN AND ALSO A PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE THAT INSISTS ON SPENDING HER TIME THROWING ME INTO AWFUL SITUATIONS.

ALSO, FUCK YOU, I BET YOUR MUN HAS A SMALLER THINK PAN THAN MINE, WHICH IS REALLY QUITE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT, AND YOU SHOULD GET THEM A GOLD STAR. "AWARD FOR SHEER STUPIDITY FIRST PLACE."

[dualii2m]

you typiically dont have any trouble gettiing iintwo tho2e kiind2 of 2iituatiion2 all on your own 2o that 2ound2 liike a lot of fun.
and iim not really 2ure what my mun ha2 two do wiith any of thii2.

Just to clarify, kk is being a butt and I don't actually mean that last bit!!

[redregrets]

WHAT A GREAT FRIEND YOU ARE.
I GUESS COMFORT WAS TOO MUCH TO HOPE FOR WITH YOU.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.
YOU'RE TOO BUSY FROLICKING THROUGH SPACE WITH ARADIA, LEAVING ME HIGH AND DRY EVEN AFTER I PRACTICALLY BEGGED YOU TO STAY.
REMIND ME WHY I'M FRIENDS WITH SUCH A RAGING BULGEREEK?

IF MY MUN IS BAD, YOURS HAS GOT TO BE WORSE. I BET THEY'RE SOME NERDY KID WHO HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH THEIR LIFE THEN TO SIT ON THEIR FAT ASS AND ENTERTAIN YOU.

[fireflyheir]

uh
well
it might still drive you mad
just in a different way
but it'd be good if we could hang out!

[redregrets]

EGBERT THANK GOD.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OBLIVIOUS SHITSTAINS I HAVE TO SIFT THROUGH TO FINALLY GET TO TALK TO YOU?
THANKS FOR MAKING ME WAIT, ASSHOLE.
YOUR COURTESY AND CONSIDERATION FOR MY FEELINGS ASTOUNDS ME.

WHAT EXACTLY HAVE YOU AND HARLEY BEEN DOING ON THAT SHIP BESIDES SITTING ON YOUR ASS ALL DAY?
I'M KIND OF AFRAID TO ASK, BUT REALLY THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH EVEN YOU CAN GET UP TO IN A FLYING SHIP IN SPACE.
HONESTLY, I'M STARTING TO SUSPECT THAT ANYTHING YOU COULD COME UP WITH WOULD BE A SHIT TON MORE EXCITING AND FUN THAN BEING ON THIS ROCK.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU STAND CONVERSING WITH STRIDER AND LALONDE FOR LONG STRETCHES OF TIME.

[fireflyheir]

haha, sorry!
i'm here now, for any cosseting and reassuring of your feelings you think they may need

haha yeah
sometimes we do look at each other and say i don't know, what do you want to do
not that often, but sometimes
other times we go flying! it's really great. if you were here, i'd definitely take you.
i tend to tune out when they get too wordy
or just stop making sense
but that's probably not as easy when you're in the same room

[redregrets]

THANK YOU JOHN.
I WILL PROCEED TO RUN INTO YOUR ARMS, AND YOU, LIKE THE SHITTY ACTION HERO YOU PRETEND TO BE, WILL COMFORT ME IN MY HOUR OF NEED.
THE LEVELS OF COMFORT YOU CAN ACHIEVE ARE UNPARALLELED.
DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?
IS YOUR THINK PAN APPEASED BY THE IDEA THAT YOUR MERE PRESENCE IS A COMFORT TO ME?
YES?
GOOD, BECAUSE I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT FEELING REMOTELY BETTER IN ANY WAY, SO YOU NEED TO CLING TO YOUR IDIOTIC FANTASY FOR YOUR OWN PIECE OF MIND.

WOW.
YOUR ACTIVITIES ARE ACTUALLY NOT AS OBNOXIOUS AS I HAD ANTICIPATED.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR LEVEL OF IDIOCY HAS NOT INCREASED AT THIS VERY MOMENT, WHICH HONESTLY, I WAS STARTING TO SUSPECT WAS AN IMPOSSIBILITY.

DID YOU MEAN ALL THE TIME?
BECAUSE THEY ARE LIKE THAT.
ALL THE TIME.
AND NOT ONLY WILL THEY NOT SHUT THEIR GAPING WORD HOLES, OH NO, THEY PURPOSEFULLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO ANNOY ME, AND FOLLOW ME AROUND PURELY TO GET ON MY NERVES.
TALKING WITH THEM OVER PESTERCHUM IS NOTHING.
THEIR SHEER STUPIDITY AND IRRITATING BLABBERING TENDENCIES REACH NEW HEIGHTS WHEN YOU ARE IN CLOSE PROXIMITY WITH THEM.