Andi Makes Bad Decisions: The Post (Canon is El Shaddai)

[archditz]

[The man in the expensive suit stifles a laugh, to the point where it almost comes out a snort.]

I would hardly call this a "bad decision". However, you would probably assume I'm biased. As you should.

[That was a joke, get it? Maybe not, but at least he has enough decency to not laugh at his own jokes.]

You're probably not serious about it anyway. I was under the assumption that you liked me. Am I wrong?

[That was a rhetorical question, as he is never wrong, you see.]

I suppose it's more to do with a lack of trust? I can see how that could happen. Rest assured that the more humans speak of the Lord as if they know everything about Him, the less likely they are to know anything about Him.

The same can be said for a number of other subjects, actually. But it is especially true in this case.

I should thank you for at least opening up to me.

[Pause...]

Thank you.

Comments

[warriorscribe]

...I hope so.

*Doesn't change the fact that to everyone's knowledge he hasn't had a canonically positive emotional experience since Armaros...*

[archditz]

[Now it's Michael's turn to shift his weight awkwardly, one foot to another, before he speaks again.]

Hmn. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if I ever apologized to you.

[warriorscribe]

*Enoch looks up.*

...For what?

[archditz]

For... [Ahh damn, he takes a deep breath and tries again.]

Until you had to go through purification, I had no idea how much pain you were in. At first, I thought Belial caught you in a temporary moment of weakness, but...there was so much pain he could easily take advantage of.

I am so sorry, Enoch.

[warriorscribe]

I'm not there yet... *but he knows about it anyway, here in this space.* ...but it isn't your fault.

[archditz]

Even if it isn't, I was careless when it came to attending to your needs during your mission. Whether it was on accident or not, it was unacceptable on my part.

[warriorscribe]

I don't...I don't blame you for it. It wasn't your task. *He'd learned not to expect more from angels. It was why Lucifel's encouragement was so powerful...*

[archditz]

It didn't have to be my task to pay more attention to you. [It's...odd. Odd to see Michael going from a mostly passive and detached observer to someone who's actually invested in other people's feelings. What Enoch went through, and now looking after Galiel, must have had quite an effect.]

Please accept my apology.

[warriorscribe]

*Quite odd. Enoch takes a moment to respond. When he does, it's quiet.*

I accept it...

[archditz]

Good. [Michael nods and looks at Enoch, trying to suss out what his reactions mean.]

Are you...surprised?

[warriorscribe]

*Somewhere between surprised and sad. He's figured out that where Lucifel learns by watching, Michael learns by directly encountering. Granted, he has completely overestimated how much understanding comes from new knowledge for both of them, but that's only to be expected - he can't help but subconsciously hold the angelic mind against the human mind's patterns.*

I'm...I suppose.

*That's not all there is to it, but it's kind of hard to explain.*

[archditz]

I imagine it's a bit of a shock. I've never thought about how much has changed through the years until I remembered how I was during your mission. [He pauses again, gears turning, trying to figure out what's eating Enoch.]

We are...not above humans either. We're not perfect. [At least, in his opinion, he isn't. That's been proven to him time and time again.]

We are merely different, Enoch. But we make mistakes like everyone else. Do you...understand?

[warriorscribe]

I know...I understand. Only God is perfect...

*Isn't he? Was it his design to trap Armaros in The Darkness so that the flood wouldn't spare anyone?

Enoch covers his mouth with his hand for the briefest of moments before looking down to hide his expression instead.*

His will be done... *It's a shaky whisper, the tone of a man trying to convince himself of the weight of his own words.*

[archditz]

[Michael reaches out and tips Enoch's head up a bit by his chin so he can look at him properly.]

...Enoch. [It's said in the tone a parent would use catching a child in a lie, almost automatically.]

[warriorscribe]

*His eyes are wet and wide in shock. He blinks, and a stream of held-back tears escapes silently.*

Isn't He? Is all part of His plan?

*There is no right answer.*

[archditz]

[Well. What can he say to that?

The answer is nothing. There's nothing to say, at least for the moment. In the meantime, he busies himself with brushing away Enoch's tears. After about a minute, he finds what he hopes are the right words.]

Yes. It is rather like trying to keep a pair of scales in perfect balance. I...understand that this is very difficult for humans to accept. [He doesn't get why, of course, but he at least gets that it's difficult for humans to picture.]

...There is no need to fear my judgment, Enoch. Please.

[warriorscribe]

It's hard to...welcome what knowingly hurts you.

[archditz]

I know. But always keep in mind that it knowingly helps you as well. The pain isn't due to cruelty or malice. It simply...is. [It might sound strange for him to phrase it this way but, honestly, he's never had to explain this line of thought to anyone piece by piece. It wasn't a matter of blindly following God's Will without question. It's just that everyone knew that this is was how it worked. It was a matter of course in the same way that letting go of a rock would free it to plummet to Earth every single time. It was just one of those Things.]

I am...probably not explaining this very well, am I? I apologize.

Keywords more applicable than anyone wants them to be.

[warriorscribe]

No, I...I know that God can see Heaven and Earth in a way that we never can. If my suffering, and the suffering I've brought Armaros has helped you understand us more, then...I'm glad that some good can come of it.

But it still hurts...and I'd like it to stop at some point. For myself and Armaros...

*His hands are clenched tight. His whole body is shaking, and it's reflected in his voice. Meridian gives him what he wants, but it isn't canon, and he knows full well that it doesn't count, in the end. His "master self", his official incarnation is what counts, and he doesn't have the alleviation Meridian provides.*

[archditz]

...I never said that your suffering was to only serve for that purpose.

[Why would it? Just so Michael could come to a better understanding about things? That doesn't make any sense.]

I am saying that the both of you will soon find reprieve. [Maybe he doesn't know that for sure, but he figures that this has to be the case at some point.]

In fact, seeing as I am now the speaker for God's Will... [Michael reaches for one of Enoch's hands, unclenching it with both of his.]

I will make sure the both of you find peace as soon as possible.

[warriorscribe]

Not "only".

*It takes several deep breaths before he calms down a bit.*

...Thank you.

[archditz]

There is no need to thank me. However, if you ever start to feel like this again, feel free to speak with any of us about it. Know that we will always help you, should you ask.

[warriorscribe]

*Enoch nods.* It...only seems so bleak right now. It has for a long time.

[archditz]

Mmn. I can only imagine. [This is the truest thing that he has ever said (so far).]

It will not last forever, Enoch, even if it already seems like forever to you. [But enough of this depressing bleary bleak talk full of bleakness and bleak.]

Now then. [He lets out a relaxed sigh and lets go of Enoch's hand.]

Have you calmed yourself?

[warriorscribe]

*Well, he's not on the verge of a breakdown anymore, so he nods. He still looks sullen, but that's to be expected. Very few humans can recover from something like that immediately.*