ryansgulch

[neovampire]

Yeah, you knew you couldn't hold out forever. There I was, languishing, while you ran around with your other boy and girl toys, but you couldn't stay away from the sweet, sweet Hannibal sugar. It's okay, you're only human.

Besides, what would Abby do without me? Get a wink of restful sleep? Meet real people and not hyperactive emotionally stunted kindergartners in adult (and very sexy) bodies? Kill all the vampires herself and ruin our perfect slaying ratio? That just wouldn't fly, Gepetto.

But, question!

They fucking come back? There are not words in any language to describe how much I'm not okay with this! Come on, you know there has to be a way around it. We attach them to those packing peanuts and throw them out a window at noon. Chop them into minuscule pieces before we dust them. At least try the old margarita and garlic salt trick.

Just address that one itty bitty problem and we're golden, Ponygirl. Give Abby a kiss for me.

Comments

[lastmanstanding]

Who comes back?

[neovampire]

Here's a hint: look for the part I mention methods of pest control!

[lastmanstanding]

Take it easy. I was asking out of courtesy not interest [Except then he reads]

...Those are coming here?

[neovampire]

Heard it from Abby's puppetmaster. And believe you me, if I was holding the strings on that feisty little puppet I would not screw around with the vampire jokes.

I mean, I love Abigail, petal of my heart, light of my life, but she's a stone cold psycho bitch.

['Sup BFF.]

So, yeah. The restless undead with a boner for your jugular. Don't worry, kiddo, the professionals have this under control.

casually threadjacking, sup

[nightstalk]

[ :| ]

King.

BUSTED

[neovampire]

It's a compliment, hellcat.

[nightstalk]

I've learned to filter out half of what you say. It's just unlikely that your friend is as fluent in Hannibal as I am.

[ meaning: write up some form of dictionary or hire a translator. alternatively, stop talking. ]

[neovampire]

[Never.]

If anyone besmirches your honor I'll slap them with a glove, okay? Duel at dawn, all that jazz.

[nagant]

"Vampires"? [Snort.] Pull the other one, it's got bells on it.

[neovampire]

Vampires, sweetheart. Lean, mean, bloodsucking machines, and I realize you must be thinking 'oh, multiversal travel and conversation, that's normal, but vampires? That's just crazy!' Try to suspend your disbelief a little.

[nagant]

We got revs- [read: zombies] -so freaky stuff's not a big problem. But the whole blood-sucking thing is weird.

[neovampire]

Oh, you get used to it. Sure, at first you have the angst, you know, 'I'm a hideous monster, I just killed someone so I could use them as a juicebox', then you worry about all those bloodbornes diseases, then there's the phase where you go into denial, but eventually you learn to cope--

Wait, were you talking in more a figurative sense?

[nagant]

...You know, I'm not really sure. [Yeah, you're getting the hairy eyeball now.] What about bloodpacks like in the medcen? Probably would keep more people not chomped-on.

[neovampire]

[Hannibal King: ask him about being a vampire! Actually, never do that, he is terrible!]

Yeah, they tried that. The problem is, well, blood? People only donate so much. It's not that the bloodsuckers care about all those poor anemic humans, but if every blood bank in the world runs dry it's a severe cramp in their cloak and dagger horseshit.

So, blood farming. It's this really nifty thing where you stick coma patients in Ziploc baggies and hang them up in warehouses. Much neater than yesteryear. Of course, you still can't beat blood fresh from the spout. It actually does taste different, a fact tragically lost on most humans.

[nagant]

[Nell Mays: paranormal investigator extraordinaire. But now she's looking a little green around the edges.]

Ugh. That's... yeah, that's pretty damn gross. People aren't foodpacs, you sicko. Even coma people have loved ones. And I doubt they'd be happy knowing what you're doing.

[neovampire]

[He waves his hands at her.]

Whoa, whoa, cool it with the accusations. Ex-vamp, okay? I don't have anything to do with that. I quit many moons ago to change my evil ways and rejoin the sunlit world.

[nagant]

[She gives him another strange look, but the outright hostility has vanished.]

Then you're a walkaway. We get those from the Heresy once in a while. Guys who have second thoughts about causing so much trouble. I'm not good at the whole "forgive" thing, but... good on ya for coming back around.

[neovampire]

...and you think I'm weird for talking about vampires. What Heresy? Oh, man, please don't be one of those religious freaks, you're way too cute. There is so much sex you could be having. With me, even!

[nagant]

Ahaha- no. You're not my type, sparky. [Sorry, dude.]

The Firelight Heresy. Long story short: think necromancers, warlocks, that whole "ooh spooky evil" schtick. I'm not fond of them or the holy fanatics. -Wait. "Cute"? Not "gorgeous"?

[neovampire]

I would fix it, but you just said I'm not your type.

[His face is the saddest. :( The saddest face that was ever sad.]

Spooky evil, huh? I knew a guy like that! Let me guess, they do unspeakable things with virgins and babies? Oh, evil. You're so predictable. If you weren't so skullfucking horrible I'd sleep through it all.

[nightstalk]

[ ... ]

I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but it's good to see you, King.

[neovampire]

I was always waiting for those words.

So, what's the plan, Stan? I'm here to chew gum and dust vamps, and while I have plenty of gum. it's that nasty chalky pink kind.

[nightstalk]

You know I don't make the decisions.

The one who does claims we'll be needing lots of alcohol, and I trust her judgement.

[neovampire]

Well, duh.

[His spirit animal is a Valley Girl.]

Is this like when you were listening to Blade? This is terrible. I say we mutiny.