the duke wants answers [voice test]

[thedukeabides]

Now, I know you didn't just put this little shindig together to fool around with The Duke, sweetheart.

[If you were expecting anything less than a perfectly-executed moonwalk that turns into a funky split, you might as well leave now.]

You gotta have plans, see? Real plans, none-a this clustermonkeying around, it ain't right to string a guy along no matter how fan-fabulo-tastic he is!

[A wide gesture accompanied by a convenient fireworks display in the background. For extra emphasis, the elegant cape he's wearing goes flying.]

And oooooh, no no no no no, I know bargaining ain't your thing, but throw a little extra into the pot if you wanna stir it up, hmmmmm? The Duke doesn't get out of bed for any old meal.

Comments

[fastandfree]

Oh great. You're here?

[thedukeabides]

You look disappointed, Mister Chilton.

[Why yes, yes he is, in fact, draping himself dramatically over the hood of a limousine.]

Bee in your bonnet?

[fastandfree]

[ How does he even pull off these kind of stunts, it will forever boggle Mike. ]

Well I'd be lying if I said I was ever excited to see you around.

[thedukeabides]

[Pure talent, Mister Chilton, the likes of which you could never hope to achieve.]

Always the sourpuss, aren't you?

[With a hop, skip, and a jump, he's back on his feet and in Mike's face.]

You act like I'm the bad guy.

[And he totally is. Totally. He just oozes antagonist, right? Right. Don't you ever think differently.]

[fastandfree]

[ He's fighting the urge to roll his eyes. ]

You're certainly not good but I wouldn't say you're the worst. [ What was the term Chuck used once about him? Chaotic Neutral? Something like that. ]

[thedukeabides]

[But Chaotic Neutral just sounds so darned boring, doesn't it?]

No...I guess not.

[Can't keep The Duke down for long, though.]

What brings you here, anyway? If you're hoping for another hunk of Grade-A iron--

[Not a memory he cherishes, by the way, as demonstrated by the melodramatic grimace.]

--I'm fresh-out, and not big on favors.

[airshipswank]

[ IT'S GRAND EGO THURSDAY - TWO DUKES FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!

...one of which watches the display with a raised eyebrow and rewards it with as much enthusiasm as a slow applause. ]

Was that the first act or the entire show?

[thedukeabides]

[BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE!

...with a catch, of course.]

I like to call it a warm-up.

[You, sir! You with your collar that sticks up in a funny fashion! Who are you to talk?]

But I wouldn't expect--

[He pirouettes gracefully on a long automobile that has manifested itself in the meta-space.]

--a guy with a cone of shame around his neck--

[And leaps from the hood.]

--to understand.

[To land in front of Lord Buckingham.]

What's the matter, vet told you not to scratch and you did?

[airshipswank]

[ Buckingham tuts, as if disappointed. Such poor form for alleged nobility. ]

I prefer it to a pet tag.

[ He runs one finger across The Duke's modest jewellery, the plate on his golden chain. ]

[thedukeabides]

[Look who's talkin', Mister I-Came-From-Humble-Circumstances.]

Whoa-hooooooh, buddy, you don't just touch The Duke.

[Back back back it up. If his posse were here, this prissy mama's boy with the funny collar would be roadkill.

Sunglasses sinking down on his nose, His Dukeship narrows his eyes.]

Or The Duke's solid gold off-the-chain chain, ya dig?

[airshipswank]

[ And if Buckingham's guards were here then The Duke would be the most curious corpse ever hanged at the English court, but we can't always get what we want.

(Yes, yes, Buckingham thinks it's a distasteful saying as well.)

His Grace smiles sweetly and veeeeeeery slowly lets his finger slide off the chain. ]

Do I dig? Very peculiar expression. A native phrase of your... dukedom?

[ Who ordered the sarcasm drip XL? ]

[thedukeabides]

[That's adoooooorable, Mister Skunkhead-with-Too-Much-Mousse. You haven't even seen The Duke's limousine.

The Duke appreciates the lack of touching on his gold chain, though.

Thank you. Thank you very much.]

Not one you're familiar with, I take it? Heavens to Betsy, a real pity about that.

[Obviously he is far too uncultured to understand the complicated sayings and euphemisms of quality Detroit-brand English.]

'Fraid my dukedom is pretty high-class, if you catch my drift. I won't blame you.

[tragedys_at_hand]

I guess I'm not the only one with a mun who doesn't know what to do.

[What a wonderfully eccentric human!]

[thedukeabides]

[Lady, you have no idea.]

It's kind of a club now, y'know? And I'm head. Commander-in-chief. Grand Poobah.

[Each new title is punctuated by pyrotechnics.]

[tragedys_at_hand]

Yes, it seems to be. It's a little terrifying when muns are indecisive, and not in a good way. [Because terror can be wonderful, believe it or not.]

...Poobah?

[They don't exactly have that title in Halloween Town. And bravo with the pyrotechnics! They're almost as neat as Jack setting himself on fire during the Halloween Festival.]

[thedukeabides]

Poobah. The Head Honcho. The Big Cheese. Governor, Mayor, whatever-you-like, really, but I'm still The Duke.

[Of everything. Including the Association of Characters Whose Muns Have Questionable Intentions.]

[tragedys_at_hand]

It's an honor to meet you then. [She doesn't know much about the world outside of Halloween Town, and what little she does pertains to Christmas. She has no reason not to believe any words of his importance.]

Are you in charge of all the humans?

[thedukeabides]

You could say that, yes, yeeees.

[He nods, agreeing with himself.]

In charge of Motorcity, I could even say, and it-

[A dramatic pause.]

...is my kingdom.

[sweet_riiiiims]

Funny, my mun just mentioned you, says you're...an interesting case.

[thedukeabides]

...oh. Oh, my my my my, well aren't you--

[A talking car? Not something you see every day, but modifications can be made. And it's probably just a speaker run through the system from a remote location.

The Duke sidesteps, executes a move that Fred Astaire himself would envy, and sprawls in his throne, rubbing his chin.]

...what are you, exactly?

[sweet_riiiiims]

[Respect the paint, man. This isn't your everyday 'modify it at will' car, no.]

Some call me an automobile, but I'm an automobile enthusiast.

[thedukeabides]

Now you're speakin' my language, buddy-boy!

[The language of love. A love for cars.]

You could say I'm the same, I...

[CUE DRAMATIC PAUSE.]

...have a certain soft spot for automobiles.

[Understatement of the century, that.]

[sweet_riiiiims]

[You certainly share his flair for the dramatic, buddy.]

I have a soft spot for skinjobs with a soft spot for automobiles.

[thedukeabides]

Skinjobs, eh? That supposed to mean people? 'Cause I'm more than the average human being, you know.

[ditchedbabe]

[WHAT IS THIS- THIS BEAUTY?!]

Uh... What?

[thedukeabides]

[This BEAUTY (c) in front of you is none other than The Duke (TM), who is looking so handsome and also his cape billows majestically in the wind?]

Onnnn-shawn-tayyyy, baby!

[You ordered a sidestep and a spin, didn't you? Because that's what's being delivered. Let him just reach for her hand with an ever-so-charming grin.]

And you are?

[ditchedbabe]

[Oooh, Mr. Duke~ To be honest, Claire's a little weirded out, but, somehow, also kinda amused at how incredibly awesome overdramatic this god man is.]

Claire.

[Whoops, better shake his hand. She's dealing with royalty, after all.]

It's nice to meet you, your... Dukeship?

[thedukeabides]

[These conflicting feelings you are experiencing, my fine woman, are surely the result of his outlandishly outrageous presence. Fret not! It can be overwhelming at times. Happens to everyone.]

Just Duke is fine, sweetheart.

[Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.

With an elegant flourish, he kisses her hand and then whips back, striking a pose.]

And...what brings a lovely lady suchasyourself to my humble abode?

[ditchedbabe]

[Unfortunely, she may never adjust to his utter perfection. She will blush a little, though. But only a little, because stylish girls don't look like tomatoes when dealing with dukes.]

My mun said you were cool. I guess I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

[thedukeabides]

Oh, I'm cooler than cool.

[He examines his immaculate fingernails with obvious interest.]

I'm ice-cold.

[ditchedbabe]

I've noticed!

[Eep. That came out as a totes geeky yelp. Is talking to royalty meant to be so scary?]

You're totally freezing. Like frostbite and stuff.

[Just gonna awkwardly clear her throat and try to make conversation, which, by the way, is way harder than it should be.]

So... Where'd you get the chain?

[thedukeabides]

The chain? HA!

[He will now sexily drag a finger across the glimmering gold. Oooooooh yeah, baby.]

This chain was bequeathed unto me by a higher power.

[kanecokid]

What sort of meal does the Duke get out for then?

[thedukeabides]

Action. Adventure. Cars.

[At the last one, he sheds a single manly tear. It is said that The Duke's tears can cure all ailments.]

All a part of this balanced breakfast, if you know what I mean.

[kanecokid]

[All but the ones that he seems to be suffering from, apparently.]

Yeah, I think I get it. [smothering a laugh because a thought just occurred to her... Action? Adventure? Cars? Who was the one person she knew who was just as passionate about those things as the Duke here apparently was? It would mortify Mike to know that she thought he and the Duke had a few things in common.]

I don't know if you'll find any of that here but maybe you can get your mun to put you into a meme or something.

[thedukeabides]

[The only disease The Duke is suffering from is Awesome-itis. Unfortunately for Julie, it isn't catching.]

She's...looking into it.

[Contemplatively.

He tries not to look too disappointed at this statement, but he's a very melodramatic person.]

[kanecokid]

[Insanity, you mean]

You're getting tired of waiting, huh?

[thedukeabides]

[Haters gonna hate.]

You have nooooooooooooooooooooooooo idea.