where the bosses at

[hasthekeys]

You're cute.

This is cute.

When was the last time you dusted off your Tae-bo VHS tapes? That's what I thought. If you can't keep up with Billy Blanks, you certainly can't keep up with me. I have too much to keep up with for you to keep up with all that, too. My keeping up with things skills would blow your mind.

Is that all? We done here? Good.

Comments

[hasthekeys]

[Happy will pass along the message to watch him cry or something.]

I meant your signature. Just because I work for Iron Man doesn't mean the art of collection autographs is totally lost on me.

[persuadeyou]

[Yes good, this is an EXCELLENT plan.]

Oh. [Okay she has def never been asked this before. :|a] There are reasons I use false names, you know.

[hasthekeys]

[PAYBACK'S A BITCH]

You could sign five and tell me to brood for the rest of my life over which one is actually your real name.

[He's teasing, though. He wouldn't brood.]

[persuadeyou]

[Seriously fuck that guy 8| She's so glad she broke his glasses 8|]

If I thought you'd actually brood, I might do it.

[hasthekeys]

[SO IS HAPPY

...AND THE WORLD]

I'll brood for five minutes, at least. Five minutes for five names seems pretty fair, doesn't it?

[persuadeyou]

Fair enough. Got a pen? [Because she has so many names to play with, you probs aren't even getting the real one Happy, sorry. :c]

[hasthekeys]

Of course I do. Tony has to sign things all the time, after all.

[He's not mentioning that since Tony hates being handed things, he ends up losing most pens by sliding them into his jacket pockets, but hey. He's a good bro and dedicated worker. These things happen.

And look, it's a thin Sharpie and a flip pad that's more grocery list than company secrets. Aw, and he's smiling!]

[persuadeyou]

Of course he does.

[Aww, he's dedicated and prepared and he's smiling. Happy you're adorable, you make this lying thing totally easy.

She takes the grocery list flip pad and the pen, and writes five different names, in five different signatures, with five different styles of handwriting. When she hands it back, he's got autographs from Natalia Shostakova, Nadine Roman, Laura Mathers, Natalie Rushman, and Natasha Romanova.]

Start brooding.

[hasthekeys]

[She can lie all she wants on paper or to his face, but all he has to do is ask the question of her real name to Boss at the proper time and he'll get it. Yeah, he's adorable, but so is she.

They're adorable.]

Oh, why, Miss Shostakova-Roman-Mathers-Rushman-Romanova, real men don't show emotion when they're in public.

[persuadeyou]

[It's like a meeting of the adorable bodyguards, awwww, aww. It's especially cute because Natasha Romanoff was definitely not on her birth certificate. 8)]

How else am I supposed to know you're keeping up your end of the deal, Mr. Hogan?

[hasthekeys]

[We don't talk about Happy's name. It is Unmentionable. Not even Tony dares bring it up. No one wants an angry Happy. No one.]

Are you saying I have an untrustworthy face?

[persuadeyou]

[Come on, she has to deal with the Hulk now, an angry Happy is not a scary thing to her. Sorry bro. 8|]

Yep.

[hasthekeys]

[WHY ARE YOU SO RUDE NOW

YOU WERE ACTUALLY REALLY COOL BEFORE]

I don't know how to feel about that, other than extremely broody.

[persuadeyou]

[WHATEVER, YOU LIKE IT ENOUGH TO ASK FOR AUTOGRAPHS.]

See? Mission accomplished.

[hasthekeys]

[ONLY BECAUSE YOU WERE SO PRETTY

^^^lies]

Yeah, yeah, another successful accomplishment.

[persuadeyou]

[YEAH OKAY]

I'll add it to my resume. 'Capable of making Happy brood.'

[hasthekeys]

[you keep using that icon natasha

what do you want to do with happy, exactly

he'll listen okay]

Among other things, sure.

[persuadeyou]

[Well it's a very detailed list, he'd have to listen very very carefully]

If I have to advertise, I'm not doing it right.

[hasthekeys]

[He's good with lists. You should hear how much shit he has to memorize on the fly when Tony wants a cheeseburger from Burger King, a milkshake from McDonald's, a cup of chili from Wendy's, and a whole jar of Chik-Fil-A pickles.

He's good at remembering things for as long as he needs to. Then they're tossed out. It's how he rolls.]

Do spies advertise? That would kind of ruin the point of secrecy, wouldn't it? How do they even pick you for the job, is there a college where you majored in something that's supposed to be mundane but it actually involves intel work?

[persuadeyou]

[Tony would fall apart without you, wouldn't he? That's sad. Stop spoiling him, good god.]

Something like that. [Sorry Happy you will never get these details out of her. :c] Freelancers set up ways to be contacted. Half the time, it's the employer advertising. [Yup just talking about murder and espionage for hire, nbd.]

[hasthekeys]

[My God, you have no idea. And it's not spoiling if he's being paid far more than any regular bodyguard, babe.]

Is there assassin classifieds? [A pause.] Don't answer that, you know, I don't want to know. I'm sure Tony could explain it anyway, but it's...I think it's one of those things that the less I know, the better.

[persuadeyou]

[You are responsible for his continued spoiled childishness then, accept it.

Also, tiny smile. It's the one where she might be genuinely amused or she might be plotting the best way from murder point A to murder point B. And the best back up. And the back up's back up.

It's a scary smile sometimes, okay.]

IT's definitely one of those things.

[hasthekeys]

[HEY! Rhodey is the one who changes his diaper, okay, Happy has help with the spoiling. It's not all his fault! SHARING THE BLAME, HAPPY WILL DO THAT]

I guess I'll have to look into loo...the wrestling thing.

[persuadeyou]

[Okay fine HE SURROUNDS HIMSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO BABY HIM seriously she has never had to play babysitter before.]

Lucha libre. Should I write that down too?