oh boy oh boy oh boy

[bullockhead]

This is new. Interesting scenery, full of... characters. Myself technically included, but I'm not splitting hairs. You think I'm funny, which is... your opinion... I do think you might be downplaying some of my more appealing traits when -- what's funny here? Not this username, that's just insulting. I'm much more charming and (I'll be blunt) in-shape than every other version out there, why can't you focus on that? It's an inside joke, isn't it? I only share a first name with that guy, any of those other comparisons are shallow at best. And if it's about my attitude -- fine, who am I to police what sort of "contrast" amuses you or not?

Get it? "Police." See, I can make jokes too.

Maybe I don't get it. But come on now. Sweetheart, I really think this could be the start of a beautiful relationship.

Right?

Hello?

Comments

[motherflocker]

In-shape indeed! In what nightmarish world are you so clean-cut?

[bullockhead]

The same one where you're the Mayor.

[motherflocker]

The Mayor? Oh do tell, Mr. Bullock.

[bullockhead]

You don't know?

Not a good Mayor, that's for sure.

[motherflocker]

If my talents in business were to transfer to politics, I would excel in that realm as well. I should hardly think I would be bad!

[bullockhead]

Not bad. Evil... probably.

[motherflocker]

Well, I should think that depends on your interpretation of "evil".

[bullockhead]

Pretty damn evil, if certain rumors are true. I don't have proof of anything yet.

[motherflocker]

And are you, ah, investigating that?

[bullockhead]

I am. It's big. If it breaks, it'll be all over the headlines! Not just Gotham headlines, either.

[motherflocker]

I have faith in this Mayor Cobblepot. I'm sure he would hardly be willing to see that information break in such a way.

[bullockhead]

Mayor Cobblepot should have thought of that before he probably was involved in the deaths and abductions of innocent people.

[motherflocker]

Only probably? You'll have to find better evidence than assumptions!

[bullockhead]

I'm working on it! Rome wasn't built in a day. And when a city stinks as much as Gotham, it's not exactly easy digging for information.

[motherflocker]

Ah, but that's just the flavor of Gotham. I do hope you're not really going to ruin that.

[bullockhead]

Ruin it? Gotham ruins itself. It's the most dangerous city in the country.

[motherflocker]

That's part of her allure!

[bullockhead]

It's why I came! It's just... slightly more of a challenge than I anticipated. Not a problem, though.

[motherflocker]

Oh no? And where did you come from?

[bullockhead]

Los Angeles. Nine years working homicide on the Hollywood PD.

[motherflocker]

Hollywood?

You poor little man.

[bullockhead]

Are you patronizing me?

[motherflocker]

Just a little bit.

[bullockhead]

Just because we have honest cops and sunny skies doesn't mean we're all soft in Hollywood, you know. Living in a cesspool is nothing to be proud of

[motherflocker]

It is when there's profit to be found.

ugh where did my puncuation go

[bullockhead]

You can make profit with an honest living too. My television show ran for five seasons.

it fled!

[motherflocker]

Your television show? Goodness, that's delightful. Five seasons, you say? What, exactly, did you play?

nooo

[bullockhead]

I was the host. You've never heard of Hollywood Detectives? Your world really could stand to get with the program.

it flew away like a bird :')

[motherflocker]

It sounds so trashy. I think I'm quite happy I've never seen such a display.

noooooooo!!

[bullockhead]

It's not really geared to your viewership.

fly punctuation, fly!

[motherflocker]

I should say not. If it wanted to catch mine, it would certainly have more class.

[bullockhead]

It's entirely tasteful -- it's hardly COPS.

The point is, I've been around the block. I know what I'm doing.

[motherflocker]

By hosting a television show, or does your resume include actual work?

[bullockhead]

I said I worked homicide for nine years, didn't I? I'm only new to Gotham.

[motherflocker]

Of course, of course.

My mistake. How thoughtless of me.

[bullockhead]

That's a pretty popular attitude, to be honest.

[bodilesswarrior]

[Babs is just staring.]

...Okay, this is different.

[bullockhead]

[ Smiles obliviously!! And he assumes it's a compliment. ]

Thanks, doll. Er-- Barbara. I can't say I'm complaining. No one else should, either. Change can be a great thing sometimes.

[psychoscopist]

[What even the fuck.]

Bullock?

[bullockhead]

[ Beautiful beautiful confusion. ]

That's my name! Do we know each other? You've probably seen my show.

[enigmaestro]

The GCPD is punning.

The GCPD is punning.

[bullockhead]

I didn't start it.

[enigmaestro]

What is your world coming to?

[bullockhead]

Hell on Earth, since I moved to Gotham.

[enigmaestro]

You're still doing it.

[bullockhead]

I am? I wasn't even trying!