On his app being sent to towerofanimus

[andajarofdirt]

 ...fine, fine, bugger all, we'll do things your way!

But if that trunk thing isn't full of rum bottles, we're gonna have words, Missy, you and I. 

Comments

[beknightedheroine]

You'll probably have words anyway, right? This IS a text RP.

_{[Dear Mun exists for flaunting the fourth wall, psh!]}

Time for face shenanigans~

[keeps_count]

Should alcohol really be your priority in coming here?

[andajarofdirt]

...cute.

[Have a slightly forceful hair ruffle. Uh, you might want to check he didn't give you lice in the process? Maybe?]

KICKS DOWN THE DOOR

[captivation]

A fair request, I think.

Mwahaha...

[andajarofdirt]

Well, none of us can be worried about haircare, Will, my boy.

[Pause.]

Though I suppose goin' blonde is better than goin' tentacled. Does Lizzie know about this or is it goin' to be a charmin' surprise for later?

[beknightedheroine]

<sub>[...she can fix that later with magic, right?

Right?]</sub>

I try~!

[andajarofdirt]

...and an equally fair question would be, what the heck did they do to yer face, mate?

>:3

[keeps_count]

Haircare should also be low on the list of concerns.

[Yeah, Legolas is pausing as well because... what?]

I know not any woman named 'Lizzie' nor am I called 'Will.'

[andajarofdirt]

[These are the lice of Jack Sparrow. They could probably survive nuclear winter. But at least they're good to eat? Maybe?]

I can tell. Are there any other pearls 'a wisdom you feel like sharin' with good ol' Captain Jack?

[andajarofdirt]

That sounds almost convincin', but you need to work on your tone. No jury would swallow it as it is.

[Pause.]

If you're that desperate to test the immortality I got you, boy, you could throw yerself at sharks. Or find another Kraken. Or any other number of things that do not involve denying your lovin', faithful wife. Need I remind you what happened to your predecessor?

[A wave of his hand.]

Now granted, Lizzie ain't no sea goddess witch, but if she wants ye dead, take it from me, mate. You will be dead.

[absolute_perception]

[Here stares a 14-year-old with a stern expression and a very hard, logical, tone.]

You may wish to reconsider your choices when it comes to alcohol consumption versus logical solutions. You do realize that you don't have a choice whenever muns are taken into account.

[keeps_count]

I'm afraid I don't understand.

I'm afraid that you may have to, for I have no knowledge of which you speak. I've to wed, though my father would be forever pleased if I would.

[Legolas actually pinches the bridge of his nose.]

I would say that she would have difficulty besting a warrior of Mirkwood, though I am loath to raise a weapon to any young woman unless necessary.

[captivation]

[...cue him feeling his face for anything that might be off.]

Oh? Something in my fangs?

[andajarofdirt]

She likes me, laddie. I've yet to meet a lady who doesn't have a nice soft spot for good ol' Captain Jack Sparrow.

[Let him tempt fate, he doesn't know any better.]

What's the worst she could do?

[beknightedheroine]

_{[...so that hair is as good as a loss.]}

Nothing really good springs to mind.

...but hey, now I'm curious. _{[He was complaining about booze, so.]} Is your last name 'Daniels?'

[andajarofdirt]

You're tryin' to tell me here you're not Will Turner, immortal captain of the Flying Dutchman, and probably, maybe, kinda, unambiguously, lawfully married to Elizabeth Swann, pirate king and deliverer of kisses of death?

[andajarofdirt]

Just them fangs themselves, and the grey and the... mate, are those horns?

[andajarofdirt]

Sparrow, darlin'. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.

[keeps_count]

That is precisely what I am trying to tell you.

My name is Legolas Greenleaf, son of Thranduil. You are, however, quite correct regarding my immortality.

[absolute_perception]

[If Elian ever laughs, he would be by now. Instead, he just raises a brow in confusion.]

A lot. Usually muns don't pick just anyone, so there is a reason you exist. Given the track record that I have witnessed, I would likely assume that the odds of us going anywhere we feel welcome and secure are slim at best.

[andajarofdirt]

Legolas, huh.

[A squint.]

Wait, does that mean you're an eunuch too?

[keeps_count]

A eunuch?

[Really, Jack?]

[andajarofdirt]

Ah, but she's sent others there, before! And I've never heard them utter a word of complaint.

[Because you're too drunk to hear them, Jackie.]

Let's see, there's the troll [who dies all the time] and the girl in the suit [who dies and kills with equal fervor] and the other girl [who's just creepy but also dies a lot] and the dwarf [who dies, what a surprise]. So it can't be that bad. Besides, my true worry is how to sail a ship inside a tower, but it'll be done, fear not!

[andajarofdirt]

Well, the face doesn't help ya, mate.

[It's a valid question!]

[absolute_perception]

[Forgive Elian as he just stares for a moment to process all that strange information. He's seen weird things but never quite like that. The talk about dying a lot...yeah, that clinched it that he knows he's right.]

Um...sure. If you can manage that, I'll eat a watermelon.

[Which is something that he really doesn't like because of a certain friend back home that uses them in strange ways.]