voice testing, be rough

[besotted]

Stop it.

Whatever it is you're doing, or planning on doing, I demand you stop at once and return me home. You must know who I am, and by association my father. But I don't think you know just what he - or, aha, my love -.... Oh, yes, I don't think you know just what they might do to you if they found out you were manhandling me in such a crude manner -

[ something inaudible goes here; something that sounds a great deal like mwah wah wah wah wah wah ]

...munhandling? That isn't even a word -!

Comments

YES BUT I LOVE YOU MORE

[besotted]

[ No that was a wince of long-endured pain at her absence being brushed away by her face. ]

Oh, yes - yes it is. I mean, yourself as well. Even if the accommodations are - hmmmm, less than adequate, I suppose we'll just have to make do.

no, I definitely love you the most.

[king]

And how exactly. Do you plan. To do that?

I guess this is a fact I'll just have to accept

[besotted]

Curtains, maybe? A vase here or there. [ Staring. At your. Face. ]

Something small to brighten up this dismal place. Although I guess that doesn't really matter; you're plenty to brighten up a room already, my love.

damn straight

[king]

Lady Vivian.

[ A pause. How does he even. ]

I'm afraid we cannot be together.

consider it accepted

[besotted]

Because of my father? Oh, don't worry, I'm sure he'll come around.

I am pleased

[king]

No. No, er.

[ He clears his throat. ]

It is my will. If you love me truly, you'll understand that I want you to find someone else. Someone more suitable. Perhaps there was a person you cared for before you met me?

i live to please you dear

[besotted]

[ This is a lengthy pause. ]







[ ... ] Perhaps...

[besotted]

[ But then she smiles and laughs. ]

If there was though, I hardly remember his name now. Yours is the only one that matters now. Arthur. It's a good name, strong; though I wouldn't call it handsome, it looks a little funny written out. But never mind that, you're plenty striking on your own.

[king]

Yes, well...

[ No, wait, this is a rejection. Curse her flattery! ]

No! Look, I — I wish you only the greatest happiness and I look forward to the continuing peace between our two kingdoms but. I love another.

[besotted]

[ That...really isn't what she wanted to hear. ]

Another? [ Like, other than her? This earns a scoff. ] And just who might it be?

[king]

No more than a servant...

[ He's about to start telling her about Guinevere, but he gets a better idea. ]

But he has my heart. I'm afraid I have no interest in women whatsoever. None.

oh god i had to.

[servant]

[Have a little outraged squawk. WAY TO THROW HIM UNDER THE BUS HORSE AND CART.]

[king]

[ Look he hadn't yet connected those two sentences in his mind okay. ]

[besotted]

[ And... ]







[ ...her face is just frozen. ]

Him?

[king]

Who? I mean, yes.

[besotted]

You're joking, right?

- oh, yes. You must be joking. Well, it was very funny, you almost got me.

[king]

No, I've never been more serious in my life. That brief... rendezvous with you was, er, an attempt to suppress my true nature. For the good of Camelot. Didn't work. Men only from now on, I'm afraid. Perhaps you ought to track down your previous love? Give him another go, eh?

[besotted]

[ Gosh he's funny. Handsome and funny. But the talking needs to stop - can't we just kiss now? ]

Oh, of course it didn't work. I understand completely.

[ But the rather obvious wink, and conspiratorial whisper of - ] That's so clever, Arthur; a perfect ploy to keep others at bay. Who knows who might attempt to sabotage our eventual engagement - this is a perfect way to disgorge any other high born ladies. I'll get to have you all to myself~ [ - seems to hint that, no, she doesn't. ]

[servant]

It's unrequited.

[besotted]

[ dofbsjavskxchslnd ]

With you?

[servant]

It's my ears. He finds them irresistible.

Some nights I wake up three, four times to find him breathing against them.

[king]

It is not! You'd be lucky to have me, you ungrateful—

[ Wait shit no. Teeth-gritted: ]

Sweetheart.

[servant]

Well, you are starting to sway me with the love poetry I was just telling Lady Vivian about.

Perhaps you should try to woo me with some right now. To prove to her that you're sincere.

[Yeah, he might do a week in the stocks for this. And it'll be totally worth it.]

[sweeping]

[ oh god there is no way this will end well. ]

[king]

[ No, Gwen, you must hide lest she discover our love and voraciously consume you in a fit of monstrous and terrifying jealousy. ]