A bored mun is an annoying mun -- Canon is Vampire: The Masquerade

[brujah_barkeep]

Dear Mun-Thing,

You're a righteous pain in the ass, you know that? You trot me out because you're bored? Right, yeah, like I don't have better things to do. What's next? You're gonna start launching me at canons you watch? The Spookynatural and the Vampires-who-never-die-aries?

Please. If any of those idiots ever saw a real Kindred, they'd probably wet their pants.

I swear to God, if you throw me at someone who sparkles, I'm going to kick your ass.

Not with love,

-D

Comments

[never_lies]

I think those boys from that "Supernatural" program actually make decent hunters.

[brujah_barkeep]

The moose and the weasel? I don't think either one knows his ass from his elbow. They're like...underwear models. Dumb underwear models.

[never_lies]

They certainly have quite a few problems from what I can ascertain however they have also run into things far beyond the scope of either of our types of vampires.

[brujah_barkeep]

Well, doesn't that make them special?

[Snort]

So...how many winters?

[never_lies]

Far too many but with pursuit of a worthy cause.

[He extended his hand.]

My name is Abraham Lincoln, yours?

[brujah_barkeep]

[Snort]

Abraham Lincoln. Right. And I'm Bruce Wayne.

[never_lies]

Ma'am you're a being thought to be of myth and legend. Is it so impossible to think a historical figure became one of your own?

[brujah_barkeep]

No. It's not impossible to believe a historical figure became one of us. Just kinda impossible to believe that one of us became a president.

[never_lies]

Oh no I was not one of your kind during the presidency. It was after my death. You see some of the older members of vampires from my universe can turn freshly dead bodies into vampires.

So to put it simply I was turned after my assassination but I knew of vampires well before that.

[brujah_barkeep]

Yeah?

That's weird.

[But she'll buy it]

Name's Denise. Call me "Denny" and I'll sock you in the beard.

[never_lies]

I was a hunter prior to that.

[Granted vampires in his world a little less resilient than a kindred.]

A pleasure Denise. My mundane actually made the comment once that if I were from your universe I would be among your clan.

[brujah_barkeep]

Brujah? You could do worse, I guess. But it's the Gangrel who have all the fun.

[paperworkprodigy]

Sorry, er—should I be wetting my pants? It's just that this is a very expensive suit and I can't see any reason why I should.

[brujah_barkeep]

No. I ain't trying to scare you right now...weirdo.

[paperworkprodigy]

Just checking. I've sort of developed a skewed idea of what's strange. One of my co-workers is a vampire, after all.

[brujah_barkeep]

Oh yeah? How's that working out for you?

[paperworkprodigy]

Well, I'm not sure anyone knows quite what to make of him. Mysterious bloke, if exceptionally dishy. Still, he's good at what he does and hasn't tried to murder me yet, so that's decent marks in my book.

[brujah_barkeep]

Well, we're not all axe-murdering freaks.

[paperworkprodigy]

That wasn't so much a remark against vampires as it was against my co-workers, in any case. Although it seems in his younger years he had a decent number of murders under his belt. I gather he doesn't really need an axe, though, considering that at that reception fiasco he turned several people into a fine red mist unarmed.

[brujah_barkeep]

Dude must be a Brujah.

[paperworkprodigy]

I don't think he's your sort, unless you hatched from an egg. He's rather tight-lipped about the specifics of how vampirism works for him, at least, but we do know that.

[...mainly because of the bloodbath that followed one of their agents getting caught witnessing his brother's hatching, whoops]

[brujah_barkeep]

...

An egg?

[paperworkprodigy]

Yeah, I thought it was pretty weird, too. Big scabby egg full of blood, I guess.

[brujah_barkeep]

Someone is pranking you, lady.

[paperworkprodigy]

Alas, we take record-keeping very seriously around here. Believe me, I wish some of the stuff I deal with was fake.

[brujah_barkeep]

You keep your eyes out for Ashton Kutcher, okay? Sounds like you're on Punked.

[paperworkprodigy]

You're a vampire. Shouldn't you know a thing or two about the scope of things that are real?

But all the better if you don't believe it, I suppose. Less paperwork to fill out, fewer cover-ups to arrange, I get to leave the office on time.

[brujah_barkeep]

Cover ups?

Sounds like you're a vampire Prince's wet dream.

[paperworkprodigy]

Well, up until the point where we behead them, I imagine.

Have a Requiem nosferatu?

[spitefulvitae]

I've noticed a general lack of sparkly ones. You're safe from those. They'd hardly be more than a temporary annoyance to you, anyhow, if I'm getting the right impression about you... The rest, I can't comment on. Which I'm happy about.

Be thankful you don't have to deal with the cartoon ones.

\o/

[brujah_barkeep]

Cartoon ones? Please, please tell me Count Chocula is running around these parts. Pleeeeeease.

[spitefulvitae]

If only. I might be able to handle a cereal box vampire... I'm more concerned about the wildly overpowered ones that look like little girls with wings and puffy hats...

[brujah_barkeep]

What the hell? Seriously? Ugh, child vampires are the worst.