dear_mun | voicetesting

You really must rethink how you see me, my lord. I'm well aware of the opinions people hold of me, and none of it has ever been kind, even when I have not given them reason to think so.

Could you blame me, for wanting a new start? That you make bad decisions isn't entirely my fault, here.

[He wants so much to tell you you're wrong, but right now, in this place, he's just bitter and tired.

He's going to kill himself, and take you along. It's in the cards, yes, but it's not really what he wanted to come to pass.]

[Join the club of bitter and tired. Both your brothers are in there anyway. It might as well be the Odinson club for the bitter and tired.]

You do not expect the people to so quickly assume to be kind to you when you have, on countless occasions, brought Asgard and its populace to the brink of peril, do you, Loki?

I admit to my flaws and faults, I gladly shoulder the blame for it is rightly deserved. Odin's eye, I wish I could have paid more for what my decisions as king has wrought... And what have you done? I'll not take away that you died brave and well for us, but you speak as if you choose death instead of owing to your faults.

I gave you a chance, Loki. I hope the best for you and you wasted it, again. As you have wasted Thor's offering hand, again and again. And you will waste it again and again. Because no matter how many chances we give you and how much I foolishly hope for it, you do not change. Your only constant is your inconsistency.

Thor knows at what cost he offers me his help, and we both have known, long before you came into the picture, the cost of my taking it. It's not so simple as holding hands and hoping for the best, Bright One, and it's hardly as easy as saying all is right simply because you think it best to be so.

Blame as you will for things I have done - gladly I'll accept it, though hardly in the manner you might expect in others. But I have my reasons, as do you - and you in all your glory will never understand the reasons I carry, even if I should lay them at your feet to witness.

Though, I have to say - you aren't without your moments. If only you could have had more.

I am the king of a fallen realm. I know that things are not as simple as we wish it to be. That knowledge has me wilted to a thin arrow. What plagues me is why you do the things you do.

We both know that no one will understand your reasons if you continue to hide them. Why do you aspire to hide yourself in shadows? What could you possibly gain from it? As I see it, it has brought nothing but more agitation and perhaps even hatred towards you.

Forgive me for I am not as Bright as I wish I am, lay your reasons for my eyes so I might understand. [There is a ...relatively peaceful compromise here. Somewhere. Right?]

I should slap you. I feel like I should.

[All this impertinence from you! This is part of why he hates you - you're never on script.]

It will defeat the whole point by telling you, now, wouldn't it? And what do I owe you? Thor, if he were so inclined, let him ask me this - but you?

Do you want me to apologize for your death, Balder? Will that comfort you?

You may if you wish. It will be of no consequences, just useless anger.

[You give him nothing! Not a nibble of information! This is the only way he can get any information. With Balder making assumptions and Loki correcting him.]

You dare say that if Thor were with us, you would tell him nothing but the truth -- he, who you have lied to more than any others?

No. Instead, I wish your forgiveness in any grievances I have done upon you too long ago. I wish whatever I may have done to help set you on this course you follow to be forgiven. Will you allow me that, or are you too fond of hatred?

[He'll give you this much - you have a sense for picking at the right things, despite knowing what they are exactly.

It endears you not at all.]

First you accuse me of treachery, well beyond the point of what I'm come to claim, and then you ask me to forgive you for what I've perceived your slights against my person.

Have you any idea how contradicting you're being right now, Balder?

Do you mock me?

[He hardly wants your... endearment.]

I accused Thor of treachery and I asked for his forgiveness. I offer you equal standing now, is it not what you want? Does this not ease your vexation?

[Laughing.]

No. I could never.

[THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT jfc you brun hot then cold then lukewarm then EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN you are so frustrating Loki could hate you more than he has feels for Thor goddamnit

(rage)

BALDER DX!]

You are such a pain, Balder Odinson.

Of what equal standing do you think you and I belong to? Are you this stupid?

[He was angry! But he hates being angry so it didn't last ;A;]

Likewise.

...I am the King of Asgard. How could I not be of equal standing?

[The moe-est of the gods.]

You misunderstand. So. Completely.

I'm sorry. You've astounded me.

[He can be a hard-ass if he wants.

And he's also doubtful and kind of dense.

And now, confused.]

[JUST JUMP OFF A CLIFF, MAKE MY LIFE EASIER -- but I still need you rn so hang on, don't die yet.]

Your simplicity is as ever the greatest in all the Realms, my lord.

[That's nice to hear. Being needed.]

I strive to be such to keep away from strife born of complications.

[NEVER FROM THESE LIPS will you hear those words.]

Funny how that worked out for you.

[Yes, please don't. The remaining people do Asgard will die of shock.]

Save your insults for another day, Loki. I am weary. Is there no room for anything but poison in you?

[That wouldn't be so bad, though.]

Poison is nearly all that I've been fed.

If you offer me any kindness, then speak plain of it; it does you no good to tie it with your accusations, no matter how rightfully deserved you think they may be.

[...No, Loki. No.]

I still smell the funeral pyres. And as much as I would like to place blame on another, I cannot. My fault lies in my act of listening to you.

[Going away now to angst and such.]

[Too bad for you, Loki goes where he wants to. And he wants your company for a little longer.

He cares for his family, he really does.]

I thought it's been made clear that the blame is shared. Or were you not listening?

[Well, actually. Company would be nice.

But seriously, are you trying to comfort him? Because you suck.]

If a gatekeeper was told by a man to open the gates for the armies of Hel, would you place the blame on the gatekeeper or the man?

[Fine, fine, what kind of comfort will please you? Just so you'd stop being such a tiny whiny baby for five minutes.]

If he knew better?

My lord, I can't just answer that.

[Nothing good food and company won't fix.]

And if he did knew better. What then?

I have always found reason in accepting your advice and I was proud of myself for trusting you when so many had not. Fool. Look what it has brought me. Ruins, by my hands. Yet for some unknown reason, our brother Thor wishes for me to remain on the throne, as if I had not done enough.

[MOPE.]

[Given the chance you'll just turn into a giant fat guy all over again, Balder, no, we're locking the kitchens, you're not allowed to compete with Volstagg no.]

You think your mistake is in accepting the throne when you've thought yourself inadequate.

You would be wrong.

[This is such a surreal experience, giving you actual advice, but eh. We're both dead, or will be. How does it matter? You won't remember this anyway.]

It is your lack of guile that leaves you open to failure, that impossible capacity to forgive and forgive without any cost. I feel honored by that, you know - I may be the first you'll truly hold to account for the things I've done.

It's almost nice.

[... Can he at least go to Nornheim for a weekend retreat or something? Karnilla's kinda nicer than you.]

Nay, accepting the throne is an honor, it could never be a mistake. The mistake lies in having this fool remain on the throne when he has allowed all this destruction has passed. I am used to being accepted as having no fault, it is now that I wish they would stone me for the myriad of wrongs committed.

[Probably not. Even if he did, he doesn't change much. It's not in his heart to fix what he thinks is honorable.

Now look]

Thank you for your words, Loki. I know. And you are a strange creature. Why would one desire for such a thing?

[She's kinda your stalker wife, so, sure, maybe. Why are you asking me, you're king. I go where you go.]

Why should one not? Are you so truly content with... with this. With what you have. With being the same over and over again, like the single broken note in a melody.

Your people trust you. I doubt you have ever trusted yourself, in all the time you've held my counsel.

voicetesting

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