Unemployed henchman

[squeak_squeaker]

Do you...uhh. Do you think I'll ever find Yzma, mun?

I know, she's not the easiest lady to work for... but I still kinda miss her! And you know how much she hates doing her own walking and stuff. Her own cooking. I wonder if she's eating right?

I sure hope so. She doesn't have to get any skinnier. I'm also wondering about Emperor Kuzco, I wonder what the little guy's up to. [Slow blinking.] Hey, maybe someone in here needs a henchman! I'm great at some really useful stuff, if I say so myself.

Fluent in chipmunk, I bake great pies... I give great hugs too! And you can even talk about your feelings with me. If you got a lot of angry feelings or sad feelings, we can...uhh. Talk about your feelings and stuff. I'm also, according to my mama, the most handsome guy in my home village! That's what she said.

Her words, not mine. Handsome. Think about it.

Comments

[yayoi_shioiri]

Hi ... I'm Yayoi. You sound like a really nice person. Is it true I can talk to you about my feelings?

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk shrugged shyly when this... girl? Guy? Told him that he seemed nice! Aww. Kronk wanted to be thought of as nice! That made him happy.]

Oh...uhh. Of course you can! [Patting the bench next to him, smiling.]

[yayoi_shioiri]

[Yayoi plays with his hair, which goes past his butt, and is black to the middle of his back, then white the rest of the way to the tips. He has cat ears and a tail that are also black with white tips. He sits next to Knonk on the bench.]

I'm twelve years old, and there's a girl I like -- Yuiko-san. She says she won't go out with me because she's taller than me, but she really likes Ritsuka-san who is short like me. We're the exact same height. Did you ever have a girl not like you? [He doubts it, seeing as Kronk is so big and handsome, like his mom says.]

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk wasn't very surprised to see those cat ears! After all, his own boss turned into a cat once and then, when she slowly turned back, she was a really disturbing catgirl Yzma for a while. He furrowed his eyebrows in thought... for all his natural helpfulness, Kronk just wasn't the brightest crayon in the box! But he was determined to help all the same.]

Oh... I dunno about that. Never really...uh. [Kronk chewed on his bottom lip, nervously. Girls back in the village liked him... and older ladies, but he wasn't too interested in love himself yet.] That's a funny reason not to like a guy, because they're short!

It's not about your tallness, it's about being nice and remembering to brush your teeth in time. I think. [Slooow blinking.]

[yayoi_shioiri]

"That's what I thought, too -- the being nice part, at least." Yayoi sighed. "Ritsuka-san and I are friends now, too, but he wasn't always nice to Yuiko-san, and she liked him, anyway. Girls are hard to understand."

[squeak_squeaker]

But...uh. Does she know you're not a girl, buddy? [Kronk wasn't entirely sure himself what this little guy was!]

[yayoi_shioiri]

[Yayoi heaves a heavy sigh.] Yes, she knows. She's seen me in the boys' school uniform. I get mistaken for a girl all the time, though; it doesn't help that Yayoi is a girls' name, either. [He brightens a little] Ritsuka-san gets mistaken for a girl, too, though!

[squeak_squeaker]

Then it's not bad! [Big smile.] If you all look like girls, then...uh. Then it's normal for you guys!

Our Emperor kinda looks like one too. [Kronk stood at a lonely height of manliness? His biggest joy in life was squirrels, though.]

[yayoi_shioiri]

Really? He must be an interesting person ....

[Yayoi does a double-take suddenly as he notices something important about Kronk.] Hey, if you don't mind my asking, how old are you?

[squeak_squeaker]

Yeah, he's...uhh. It's Kuzco alright! [Kronk smiled, before blinking dumbly.]

Me? I'm almost twenty-eight! [Yes, really. Poor Kronk.] Why? I don't...uh. I don't look old, right?

[yayoi_shioiri]

[Yayoi looked relieved] Oh, good! I mean, your ears and tail are gone, and only adults are supposed to be without them.

[squeak_squeaker]

Huh... but Yzma has 'em. My boss, Yzma.

She's easily over a hundred! [Kronk was awfully happy that Yzma wasn't around to hear him right now.]

[yayoi_shioiri]

S-she does? [Yayoi's mind is boggled. Granted, his 23-year-old teacher still had her ears, but Soubi-san didn't, and he was only 20.] I hope it doesn't take me that long to lose my ears, but at the rate my dating life is going, it probably will."

[squeak_squeaker]

...what do your ears have to do with your dating life? [Kronk couldn't look more puzzled! Was he going to lose them if he got a date? But... Kronk has never been on a date before, since he'd been snatched up by Yzma very quickly.]

[yayoi_shioiri]

Well, um ... [Yayoi's embarrassed now. How does a 12-year-old explain sex to an adult? He hardly understands it himself.] When someone becomes an adult ... you know, ADULT ... their ears and tail disappear.

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk was completely innocent, despite his age. He just smiled at the boy and shrugged his big shoulders.]

Maybe it's because I never had an ears and tail! Not even when I was little.

[yayoi_shioiri]

Ohhh, okay," Yayoi said, feeling better. "Everyone in my world is born with them. It would be scandalous to see a baby without them." He leaned close and whispered, "But I've seen some high schoolers that don't have them anymore."

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk tried to look shocked, since it was apparently something scandalous and stuff, but he had no idea what a high schooler even was.]

Woah... that's brutal! A high schooler.

[yayoi_shioiri]

Yes, it's pretty awful. People just don't wait anymore. [Yayoi shook his head, unaware that Kronk wasn't quite following him.]

You said up there that you could be a henchman. You seem too nice for that -- have you done it before?

[squeak_squeaker]

That's that's the...uh. Worst news I ever heard.

Kinda makes me sad to hear. [Sniff. Kronk looked down for a bit, before smiling.] Oh yeah! I was Yzma's henchman... or I still am, I dunno.

I wasn't too good at being mean! I dunno why Yzma hired a guy like me to her evil henchman. I'm a Junior Chipmunk boyscout.

[yayoi_shioiri]

[Yayoi's ears perked up] Boy scout? That sounds like fun. Hiking and making fires and putting up tents .... [His ears droop sadly] I never could go camping. It means a lot of physical activity, and I'm asthmatic. I even carry an inhaler, see?"

[squeak_squeaker]

It's great! I even learned how to talk to all the little forest animals and make extra marshmallow-y s'mores!

[Kronk smiled brightly, before furrowing his eyebrows. Oh no!] Do you...uh. Do you get sick a lot?

If you want, I'll carry you around on my back in Yzma's tent! We can go visit the chipmunks.

[lovemesomepie]

[Dude, everyone's mom calls her own son handsome.]

I don't do feelings, but I've never been one to turn down pie.

[squeak_squeaker]

[Kronk didn't know that! There was a lot that Kronk just... kind of didn't know.]

What's your favorite kind of pie, buddy? [Smiling his big, vacant smile.] And it's awfully healthy to let your sensitive feelings out. It's not good to keep that all bottled up inside, you'll end up like Yzma!

Purple. And wrinkly.

[yayoi_shioiri]

Sometimes I have to go into the hospital, it gets so bad. They say it'll get better as I get older, but right now, I can't do anything like sports. I play video games and read a lot, though, and I like those things.

I'd like to visit the chipmunks, but you don't have to carry me, unless there's a lot of uphill climbing or really long walking trails.