what have i done

[gwynn]

I GET A FREAKING SWORD??

Okay I forgive you for um, the rest of it. YES! GIVE ME A SWORD! NOTHING CAN GO WRONG WITH THIS PLAN!

Oh my god I'm going to like, cut apples with it and shit. People are going to be all "man I can't get this bottle open" and I'll be all STEP BACK, CITIZEN and like CHOP THE TIP OF IT OFF WITH MY GIANT BADASS SWORD.

... what do you mean, you're having second thoughts? You can't just promise someone a sword and then cruelly rip it out of their hands!

Comments

[rhinemaid]

So you're coming back?

[gwynn]

YEAH which like I guess most people are all BOO CITY MADE OF HORRORS but you know whatever it's better than being in mutant jail and stuff. ALSO: A FREAKING SWORD.

[rhinemaid]

I like Baedal. It'll be good to see you again.

What sword.

[gwynn]

Yeah! There's no Sentinels!

Technically I guess it's some other chick's sword but I'm getting it because IT'S AWESOME and um... tragedy or something. She might be dead?

[rhinemaid]

[ ...........welp ]

I guess she won't need it, in that case.

[gwynn]

Right? Like I mean I'm not gonna be a jerk about it, I'm totally going to learn how to be a sword-wielding badass and like come back and avenge her or something. But I'm not learning Russian because that's way too hard.

[rhinemaid]

I could probably teach you something brief, like, 'I've come to avenge so-and-so'.

[ what, she speaks Russian. ]

[gwynn]

WAIT. Yes. Teach me that. And also um, something else super cool. Like "die human scum!" or something.

[rhinemaid]

That's easy. I'll teach you when you get back.

[ what nice girls. ]

[gwynn]

Baedal is awesome.

Stop enabling her, Wolfwood.

[holygunslinger]

Personally, I don't see where this plan would go wrong!

[gwynn]

Right! I should like, do a petition. Change dot org, give Megan a super awesome sword. It's not like it's a MAGIC sword.

[holygunslinger]

And it really depends on how big that sword is! A tiny girl like you couldn't really handle a bastard sword on your own; you'd tip over if you'd try to swing it! Maybe something like a standard epee or something equally quick and flashy. You seem like the quick and flashy type of girl, if you don't mind my saying.

Honestly, I'm more of a firearms guy, myself, but I can respect a person who fights with melee weapons. It's practically unheard of, where I'm from!

[gwynn]

Yah, the chick who owned it is like, tallish but kind of skinny so I'm like well it can't be that hard if SHE could swing it around, right? I could totally do that. Funny you should say so, though, because I am totally quick and flashy! Insert stripper pun here!

There are like, barely any guns where I'm going because it's super hard to get ammo and stuff? I guess a crossbow would be like, more useful. But whatever! Swords!

[holygunslinger]

Stripper? You go, little lady! To tell you the truth, I never understood the stigma that exotic dancing has in the eyes of the Church. If it were up to me, I'd put that under "The body is a temple," and should be revered in its natural glory!
_{[Worst priest, right here.]}

Yeah, apparently where my old lady's sending me, bullets are basically stupidly expensive, and there's magic weaponry instead. I have no idea if I'll be able to hack it, but I figure no guts, no glory! And hopefully someone on your side of the multiverse will teach you how to use a sword. Flailing it around doesn't... well. Work that great.

[gwynn]

Aw, that's so nice! Some people are jerks about it but like, whatever, they probably just have super boring sex lives. Right?

You should learn how to use a crossbow then! That's LIKE a gun. You can like. Set it on fire and stuff. I bet they have all kinds of cool magic arrows and shit. I'm totally going to take sword lessons from that Highlander guy. It's fate.

[wontturntofoam]

Yes! You are most deserving of sword ownership!

[gwynn]

Hi Mermaid! Do you want to play with my sword?

[ MADAM............................. ]

[wontturntofoam]

Yes! I would very much like to do this!

[WHAT ARE WORDS AND WHAT DO THEY MEAN.]

[gwynn]

I will so teach you some like awesome ninja tricks with it. Even... if I don't think it's, like. A ninja sword. There are different kinds, I guess?

[wontturntofoam]

I don't care what kind of a sword you have been given, I wish to learn all of your tricks with it anyway!

[gwynn]

For research purposes we're gonna watch like, Kill Bill, and, uh... I dunno, some animes.

[bodilesswarrior]

...Do you have any idea how to use a sword?

[gwynn]

My Skyrim character is like level 75.

[bodilesswarrior]

Well, you've got the hand-eye coordination, anyway.

[gwynn]

If I can fight off CGI mountain lions I can totally poke a guy in the face with the pointy end.

[bodilesswarrior]

Worst comes to worst, you can bash him over the head with the hilt.

[gwynn]

It's a multi-purpose weapon, even!!

[bodilesswarrior]

Exactly. [barbara you are not being a responsible adult]

[burnmythoughts]

No bottle will be safe.

[gwynn]

Best party trick, right? "Do you have a bottle opener?" "YES! SHWING!"

[burnmythoughts]

You just have to make sure you're not slicing anything else. That could ruin the party.

[gwynn]

Depends on the party. You been to the Vault yet?

[burnmythoughts]

No. I'm guessing it's the not the kind of place you invite your parents too.

[gwynn]

Depends on your parents! Mine would hate it, but we had a bunch of father/son couples come in.

[burnmythoughts]

...Coming of age thing?

[not_a_beer]

...Deep breaths, Megan. Deep breaths.

[gwynn]

But it's a freakin sword!

[not_a_beer]

...Don't you already have a dagger?

[gwynn]

No? Should I? Does a butterfly knife count? I mean that's not a DAGGER it's just, like, I totally almost shanked a guy once but to be fair he was trying to steal from me so management was like, on my side.

[not_a_beer]

You don't have a... No, never mind. Not important.

...You almost shanked someone?

[gwynn]

Yeah, I'm kinda hood? Like I would have felt bad but come on. Stealing is for jerks.

[not_a_beer]

Megan, the only person less "Hood" than you is Victor. Where on Earth have you been?

[gwynn]

District X, duh!

...wait this is like, one of those alternate universe things, isn't it? I was wondering where your mohawk went.

[not_a_beer]

...Mohawk? Distinct X?

Yes. Definitely one of those alternate reality things.

[gwynn]

Are you from the one with the school that gets demolished every like five seconds?

IS CHUCK BALD??

[not_a_beer]

The school has not been demolished for some time, but I suppose it is due.

And yes, Professor Xaiver is still bald.

[controlledvariable]

[oh god]

Oh god.

Am I gonna have to teach you how to use a sword so you don't put an eye out?

[admittedly Steph isn't exactly trained to wield a sword, but she knows the basics]