"I am NOT on a boat, motherfucker."

[deadliestviper]

As Budd and Elle noted, there are a lot of R's in my story. Revenge, for instance. Rampage. Regret, rage, relief, respect, resignation, rape, remorse, redemption. And you, sweetheart, you seem to have forgotten that last one.

Yeah, I'm a bad person. You know this, I know this, it's common knowledge. No one lives the life I have and comes out looking like a martyr, it just doesn't happen. But that doesn't mean everything I did was evil. Ugly, yes, destructive as well, but it was honorable. It was right, at least in my eyes. My actions – dare I say it – redeemed me. I had what I needed. I had more than I needed; I had my humanity.

So why throw that out and rearrange my story for the sake of redemption? Why bring in anyone else to help me down that path? Trust me, I've got this. And even if I don't, I can handle the consequences. You and I both know I'm never going to be a good girl. So why are you still pushing to apply me for a game where I'd have to answer to a morality auditor?

Seriously. What are you punishing me for?

Comments

[buywithme]

It's not really about punishing you, Sister. It's about getting a second chance, for a life that maybe isn't directed by those things.

I mean, I'm sorry that she's sending you our way, because it's kind of a hard life, but in the end I think it's supposed to be worth it.

[deadliestviper]

Maybe not, but that's what it would become. At this point, there's no need to strip all those R's out of my life. They're all I've got left.

Everything worth doing is hard, but I've got other work to do.

[buywithme]

Then maybe it would be a way of finding something else to live for? Some of those R's don't seem like wonderful things to define your life by...

Everything else'll wait for you.

[deadliestviper]

That's a nice thought. [As all thoughts tend to be. They also tend not to translate well to reality, but she doesn't add this.]

I don't know how long I can wait.

[buywithme]

One it might be worth taking a chance on.

What kind of work is it?

[deadliestviper]

It might.

The unpleasant kind. Unfinished business.