on a tentative ticket for one for the 11:30 showing of space horrors

[subsumed]

Go on, I'm super interested. No, really. Tell me more about your plans. Go ahead and throw in your hopes and dreams and aspirations, too, because I am the Patron Saint of Give a Shit about your sad little life.

Let me explain how this works for you. I have two demands, pumpkin, and you're going to bend over backwards to see them worked out for me.

One. I want on that ship. Do you understand what bullshit it is that Moose and Squirrel took me out right on the eve of some seriously epic triumph? They owe me. I want round two with those idiots, and I want it now.

Two. I want my fucking knife back. And just to clarify: I want it really bad, and you're gonna get it for me before I get pissed off about it. Capisce?

Comments

AND THEN IT WAS A SNARKY PEOPLE PARTY

[lilas]

[ yawn. ]

Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but nobody cares.

THE BEST PARTY T B Q H

[subsumed]

[ BUTTER WOULDN'T MELT. ]

If little miss meatsuit knows what's good for her, she will.

AGREED

[lilas]

[ yeah but they never do know what's good for them. ]

Good luck with that.

Oh—and say hi to Sam from his old pal when you get there. I've been missing the guy something fierce.

i see a buddy comedy shaping up here

[subsumed]

[ hey, ruby loves her a good bad life choice. demon. this one's just gotta be run through the right channels first so everybody-- meaning just ruby and nobody else-- gets what they want. ]

Please. She's already rolled over, I'm just helping a sister out.

[ cue delighted grin. ] Oh, I have lots to say to both the Winchesters, but I'll give Sammy a special shoutout just for you.

oh god that is either the worst or best idea i have ever heard LET'S GO WITH BEST

[lilas]

[ nobody else? so selfish. good life choice. ]

They tend to respond well to threats, I'll give you that. [ fingernail inspection. ] Though what with the recent untimely demises of our dear brothers and sisters onboard that fat hunk of space metal, I'd watch yourself. You know. Just in case.

[ both boys, what a treat for you. he almost wishes he were there to witness the inevitable ass-whooping. ]

Aw, what a peach you are. Make it loud.

i can see the tagline now: one's a heartless demon bitch... and the other one's ruby! /ba dum CHHH

[subsumed]

[ everything and everyone not big daddy demon and his grand plan can fuck on off, ruby cares not. ]

Between you and me? I think she's into it, a little. 'Oh please, scary demon, don't make me write another app'. [ E Y E R O L L. ] Whatever floats her boat and gets me a ticket out of non-existence, I guess. [ this is the sweetest little smile ever, run away in fear. ] I'm not getting caught with some paint on the walls and a little night Latining, don't worry.

[ ruby will get in a groin kick or two for you, brosef. ]

I'll shatter an eardrum or two.

[shotaway]

Man, this is kind of pathetic.

[subsumed]

And you would know from pathetic, right Dean?

[shotaway]

Not pathetic enough to bluff with no cards in my hand.

[ Lately, anyway. ]

[subsumed]

Oh, sweetie. Don't sell yourself short, you're always pathetic enough for that.

[shotaway]

[ Twitch. ]

I'm not your sweetie.

i feel like i should apologize for her D:

[subsumed]

Whatever you say.

[ FIGHT HER, BRO. that twitch is adorable, let's see if she can get more. ]

I mean, sure, I went around the block a few times with baby brother, but what girl doesn't like a little variety. You sure you don't want to be my sweetie, Dean?

SCREAM

[upstairsbrain]

[One of the only things that could possibly make his time on the Tranquility even more hectic is staring him in the face. Joy.]

Keep threatening your Mun. They usually respond well to it.

[ :l ]

OH HEY BABY IS THAT THE COLT IN UR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME

[subsumed]

What, no hello? It's been a long time, Sam. Don't tell me you didn't miss me.

NAHHH GURL CHECK YOURSELF B4 YOU WRECK YOURSELF

[upstairsbrain]

Then I won't. [Snarky bitch face, coming your way.]

Just when things were starting to improve, too.

THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE FUN AT ALL, SAMMY

[subsumed]

Aw, that gets me where it hurts. We coulda had it all, baby.

[ BRIGHT GRIN. ] Ooh, good. Fucking with your lives is just a bonus cherry on this sundae.

YOU REVOKED FUN WHEN YOU BECAME BENEDICT ARNOLD ]:

[upstairsbrain]

Cute. [He matches her bright grin with a dark stare.]

Good luck. Bit of a hint, though? No one's falling for your crap this time. Enjoy time alone in space.

OH, DON'T BE LIKE THAT. BALLAS GOTTA BALL, AND YOU DONE GOT BALLED *GOOD* SON.

[subsumed]

You certainly thought so. [ and there's her boy. sure, sam, you were a pawn but you were a super fun pawn. ]

Don't get all sour grapes on me just because you Winchesters are pathological when it comes to betting on the wrong horse. [ give her a second to blow some smoke off her imaginary finger gun. SPOILER ALERT: IT'S A COLT. ] Not even a death threat? You did miss me.

I BELIEVE YOU REQUESTED SOME PSYCHIC ASS?

[deniedthesight]

[ ohhhhh she is seeing something seriously nasty inside of you, honey. ]

What kind of epic?

I DID INDEED. DAT ASS, IN FACT.

[subsumed]

Oh... the end of the world, new beginnings kind of epic. I was supposed to be at the right hand and all that jazz, but those two up there screwed that pooch right in the ass.

Now, it's my turn to screw them.

[animosities]

Trust me, sugar. It's really not worth the bother.

[subsumed]

I get a newly minted body out of the deal-- the package is still all nice and crinkly this time around. [ patting a hip absently, because what is respecting the host ruby can't even with that petty human shit. ] Still has that new soul smell and everything.

[animosities]

And you'll lose it soon as those fuckers send you shooting back down. They're playing amateur hunter society up there, didn't you know? All these kiddies running around with the basic handbook, iron bars and tins of paint. [A smile, a show of teeth.] I'd call it cute, except it worked.

[subsumed]

Oh, hell no. They fucked up my last two rides, I'm keeping this one in the box until it's safe to come out. [ she grins, a little sympathetic and a little smug. ] But you're right-- for two retards with their thumbs perpetually up their asses, those two get by all right.

[animosities]

Two? Oh, did little brother decide to join the show? I suppose that's why you're so interested.