dear_mun | on a tentative ticket for one for the 11:30 showing of space horrors

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on a tentative ticket for one for the 11:30 showing of space horrors

Go on, I'm super interested. No, really. Tell me more about your plans. Go ahead and throw in your hopes and dreams and aspirations, too, because I am the Patron Saint of Give a Shit about your sad little life.

Let me explain how this works for you. I have two demands, pumpkin, and you're going to bend over backwards to see them worked out for me.

One. I want on that ship. Do you understand what bullshit it is that Moose and Squirrel took me out right on the eve of some seriously epic triumph? They owe me. I want round two with those idiots, and I want it now.

Two. I want my fucking knife back. And just to clarify: I want it really bad, and you're gonna get it for me before I get pissed off about it. Capisce?

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[ yawn. ]

Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but nobody cares.

[ BUTTER WOULDN'T MELT. ]

If little miss meatsuit knows what's good for her, she will.

[ yeah but they never do know what's good for them. ]

Good luck with that.

Oh—and say hi to Sam from his old pal when you get there. I've been missing the guy something fierce.

[ hey, ruby loves her a good bad life choice. demon. this one's just gotta be run through the right channels first so everybody-- meaning just ruby and nobody else-- gets what they want. ]

Please. She's already rolled over, I'm just helping a sister out.

[ cue delighted grin. ] Oh, I have lots to say to both the Winchesters, but I'll give Sammy a special shoutout just for you.

Man, this is kind of pathetic.

[ nobody else? so selfish. good life choice. ]

They tend to respond well to threats, I'll give you that. [ fingernail inspection. ] Though what with the recent untimely demises of our dear brothers and sisters onboard that fat hunk of space metal, I'd watch yourself. You know. Just in case.

[ both boys, what a treat for you. he almost wishes he were there to witness the inevitable ass-whooping. ]

Aw, what a peach you are. Make it loud.

[ everything and everyone not big daddy demon and his grand plan can fuck on off, ruby cares not. ]

Between you and me? I think she's into it, a little. 'Oh please, scary demon, don't make me write another app'. [ E Y E R O L L. ] Whatever floats her boat and gets me a ticket out of non-existence, I guess. [ this is the sweetest little smile ever, run away in fear. ] I'm not getting caught with some paint on the walls and a little night Latining, don't worry.

[ ruby will get in a groin kick or two for you, brosef. ]

I'll shatter an eardrum or two.

And you would know from pathetic, right Dean?

Not pathetic enough to bluff with no cards in my hand.

[ Lately, anyway. ]

Oh, sweetie. Don't sell yourself short, you're always pathetic enough for that.

Ooh, one of those. [ he matches that smile, tooth for sickeningly sweet tooth. ] It's no wonder she's got you rattling around in her head.

[ they're all gluttons for punishment, amirite? ]

Oh, I'm sure you can take care of yourself. [ not a lie. but dry as the fucking desert. ] Make sure you get on the angel's good side.

[ Twitch. ]

I'm not your sweetie.

I'd say it takes all the fun out of it, but I think this time the fun's waiting for me in space. [ oh god they already understand each other so well. ] Probably wearing something flannel.

[ ugh, flannel. the winchesters would dress like a lilith fair of lesbians.

YES THAT IS THE PLURAL, FIGHT ME. ]

It's what I'm good at. [ see this is affection ruby can get behind. literally if you're into that, she doesn't judge. ] I can play nice with the home team if they stay off my back.

[ ...no. no she can't. ]

Whatever you say.

[ FIGHT HER, BRO. that twitch is adorable, let's see if she can get more. ]

I mean, sure, I went around the block a few times with baby brother, but what girl doesn't like a little variety. You sure you don't want to be my sweetie, Dean?

[ It's your lucky fucking day, Ruby, because Dean always wants to kill you, and bringing up Sam makes him want to kill you, bring you back, and kill you again. This time it's his fingers. Maybe he wants to reach for his gun. Maybe he wants to strangle her. Who the hell knows. ]

Flattered. But I'm good without demon dickrot.

[ actually he's totally cool right here in his comfy office building not fighting you even a little bit. you seem like a tooth and nail kind of girl. and while he enjoys that, under different circumstances... well, he just can't be twice damn bothered to argue right now. better than "a butch of lesbians", anyway.

well. meh, they're on par. ]

But they're not going to stay off your back. [ he would be sucking on a lolly here if he had one. god this is entertaining. ] They're gonna ride you like a bitch in heat, Ruby.

It won't end well.

[ the sheer delight in his voice when he says this is kind of terrifying. but you know which team he's rooting for. ]

[ oooh, look at that mad little face. time to twist the knife, see if dean can come out and play. ]

Your loss. And hey, if you need a reference, just ask Sammy. He was a big fan of the demon dickrot, that summer you were roasting away downstairs.

[ tooth and nail, ride or die. the comfy office building is kind of boring, bro-- join the real world, where skulls get smashed on the reg and the splat sound they make is all kinds of poetry in motion. ]

You say the sweetest things to me. [ she can take it rough from the brothers who invented the platonic manpain cuddle pile. now, alastair? there was a man who knew how to play hardball. ouch, but ruby can admire mad skills even while they're tearing her apart. ]

[ He gives her a tight little smile. Good thing Sammy isn't here because her blood is gonna spill all across the floor of this stupid white space. Somehow. Too bad he's got nothing on him but his fists. ]

Anything else? Or you done? I got places to be. Your daddy to gank.

[ He'd take a razor, even. ]

[ hdu, that office building gets him mad money (bitches come extra, and they're usually dead). also he's all up in the horsemen bidness, so it's kind of required. still. he does like that old-timey blood poetry, rather than cutting throats with letter openers and getting red all over his nice suits. :| ]

What can I say? I love to flatter. [ besides, if there's one demon he can trust (haha, trust, it's funny how much of a lie that is) it's you. but only because you make the Winchester's lives such amazing hell. ]

[One of the only things that could possibly make his time on the Tranquility even more hectic is staring him in the face. Joy.]

Keep threatening your Mun. They usually respond well to it.

[ :l ]

[ ohhhhh she is seeing something seriously nasty inside of you, honey. ]

What kind of epic?

What, no hello? It's been a long time, Sam. Don't tell me you didn't miss me.

Oh... the end of the world, new beginnings kind of epic. I was supposed to be at the right hand and all that jazz, but those two up there screwed that pooch right in the ass.

Now, it's my turn to screw them.

Oh, Dean. The daddy issues card, really? I lasted more years than you can count up to pretending I wasn't always behind Lucifer. I fooled you two, remember? But hey-- you wanna talk daddy issues, how about we bring yours into it?

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on a tentative ticket for one for the 11:30 showing of space horrors

AND THEN IT WAS A SNARKY PEOPLE PARTY

THE BEST PARTY T B Q H

AGREED

i see a buddy comedy shaping up here

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oh god that is either the worst or best idea i have ever heard LET'S GO WITH BEST

i can see the tagline now: one's a heartless demon bitch... and the other one's ruby! /ba dum CHHH

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OH g-gosh he's so flattered, you shouldn't have~

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she's just a charmer like that, mystery ain't got shit on her

i feel like i should apologize for her D:

no way, she's perfect. besides if you START apologizing for ruby you'll never STOP

ruby you are such a sweet demon ;A;

THIS IS TRUE i'll just pile on more horrors and not apologize, then

i think i just barfed a unicorn THEY'RE SO CUUUUTE~

sits back & enjoys the ride

GOD IKR this is ridiculous why do i love it

SCREAM

I BELIEVE YOU REQUESTED SOME PSYCHIC ASS?

OH HEY BABY IS THAT THE COLT IN UR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME

I DID INDEED. DAT ASS, IN FACT.

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees