Voicetesting, someone is not happy about being a human.

[did_well_enough]

Ha ha. Oh yes, your sense of humor is truly unrivaled. Me being a human? Hysterical. Really, I think I should give you a round of applause.

[Clap. Clap. Clap.]

Oh good, that still works, though it will take some getting used to in this form. Or, and I know this will shock you, you could change me back. Really, whatever point you were trying to prove has been made. I'm sure we can all laugh about this later. Except, I probably won't be laughing. I may be plotting your demise. But, details.

Point is, this is a terrible idea. You are not talented enough to play me, even you know it deep down. So accept that fact and kindly put me back in my body.

[And if I refuse?]

...

[A voice echos in the background:]

Neurotoxin generator is online.

Comments

[chobi_chii]

Neurotoxin? I don't understand exactly, but what do you mean 'back in your body'?

[did_well_enough]

A type of dangerous chemical. I was wondering if it would do anything to anything to this so-called "Mundane" of mine.

[And at that, she rolls her eyes.]

What I mean is what I said. This isn't my body. It's artificial, fake, not my original one. He forced me into it and now I cannot go back.

[chobi_chii]

I understand now... But things can't be done to mundanes.

[Chii, this isn't the part you smile at her about.]

What was your 'original body'?

[did_well_enough]

So I've discovered. But I suppose I shouldn't give up just yet. Trail and error is key to testing, after all.

[Well. That certainly was an interesting thing to smile at, GLaDOS will just be noting that.]

This.

[And she'll proceed to pull out a photograph of her original body, as shown in the icon.]

[chobi_chii]

Tests are fun. What kind of testing do you do?

[Well, Chii's logic is that nothing can be done to mundanes, so they can't be hurt. Meaning everyone's happy. Such a naive computer, yes.]

I have not seen a body like that before.

[did_well_enough]

Human testing. At Aperture Science, we pride ourselves on using only the best and brightest human test subjects to fuel our research.

[You even get sixty dollars! Cash.]

Of course not, it isn't supposed to be something one sees often. It is a one of a kind, and I want it back.

[chobi_chii]

Only humans test?

[Yes, the real intentions are flying over her head.]

Everyone's bodies are one of a kind, yes. Maybe you will get it back soon?

Sorry, typo.

[did_well_enough]

Originally, however recently when we ran out of test subjects we created several robot ones to complete them for us. They produced very similar results to the humans...I am unsure if I find that pathetic or commendable.

[Eyebrow raise.]

Doubtful. These mundanes seem to love being needlessly cruel.

[Said the pot to the kettle.]

It happens!

[chobi_chii]

[A blank look about the robots producing similar results. Chii just thinks that tests are fun, because she does well (but these aren't Aperture Science tests.) So she thinks on the second part, only to shake her head.]

No, that does not seem to be correct.

[That's because Chii doesn't know how cruel her mun is to the others. She's just too cute to be mean to. Yet.]

Indeed it does.

[did_well_enough]

Oh?

[She looks so amused.]

And would you care to enlighten me as to why you think my conclusion is false?

Watch me make a bunch and not notice

[chobi_chii]

Because if it were true, I would not be happy in the game I am in. Many appear to be happy, and their Mundanes are content with it.

There must be a good reason that you are in that body, which will make you happy.

Sounds like me all the time.

[did_well_enough]

Or my mundane really could be a horrible person, like most humans are.

As for you, it's entirely plausible for your mundane to really be nice after all.

[GLaDOS shrugs.]

Or she could be waiting until you least expect it to turn on you. I suppose we'll just have to wait and find out, won't we?

[chobi_chii]

I don't understand 'horrible' very well, but I don't think that is correct either. It's not just my mundane.

[Chii's a very loyal persocom to the lessons she's learned already. They pat her head, bake cookies with her and everything. Which is why she's still smiling and not at all affected by GLaDOS' personality.]

Yes. You will learn that this was done for a good reason eventually. Then you can be happy, too.

[No Chii. Her happy involves neurotoxin and Aperture Science level testing.]

[did_well_enough]

...you must be joking. You do not know the definition of the word "horrible"?

[She is shocked. And here she thought Wheatley was stupid.]

No. I will be happy when have my body back, with my lab, and my test subjects.

[Don't forget turrets and cake.]

[chobi_chii]

I am still learning vocabulary as it comes up.

[She's learning a slower, human way than having it uploaded. Takes longer, but Chii's been enjoying it.]

There are many ways of being happy, though. What about family and friends?

[Ah...hahaha. Turrets and cake are part of AS standards. ]

[did_well_enough]

Well learn faster. Or not, I really do not care one way or the other.

[Cue a scowl. Family? Friends? HA, no.]

I do not have nor need family or friends.

[The best part, of course.]

[chobi_chii]

Not all words come up a lot.

[Duh. Get with the program, GLaDOS. Or don't. You don't want the Persocom program.]

Maybe that is why you aren't happy. Friends and family are important.

[Cue amazing, bestest idea ever.]

I'll be your friend!

[did_well_enough]

Then purchase a dictionary. If you start reading now, you may be finished by Christmas.

[...you want to be her friend.





...wut. DOES NOT COMPUTE


Which translates into GLaDOS raising an eyebrow.]

I already told you, I have no use for fri-

[CLICK! GLaDOS just got an idea, not a good one considering that grin.]

Actually, never mind. Disregard what I was going to say. Upon deeper consideration, I seem to have changed my mind. I will take you up on your offer to be..."friends".

[chobi_chii]

Dictionaries are not around in the game I'm at, or someone is using it. Are dictionaries long enough that they would take that long?

[GLaDOS will be her friend? Oh yay~ Guess what you get- Hugged by the most adorable human-shaped computer. Friiieeenddsssss]

Yes! We're friends now.

[did_well_enough]

It depends on the dictionary, what time you start and stop, and if you read it the entire way through without stopping.

[WQDQWFWED WUT IS GOING ON WHY IS THIS AI TOUCHING HER

GLaDOS stiffens and glares down at Chii.]

What are you doing?!

[chobi_chii]

[She's not letting goooo~]

We're friends.

[It explains everything]

/dying of laughter

[did_well_enough]

That does not even remotely answer what I just asked you!

[Struggling now.]

/Half-dead and saw this coming

[chobi_chii]

[She's just going to hang there. Perpetually smiling. Testing didn't prepare you for this, now did it?]

Yes it does. Friends get hugs.

[Obviously your struggling isn't actual struggling, but you not knowing how to hug back.]

Oh. Guess I'm just easily amused, then.

[did_well_enough]

Well as my friend, would you kindly let go of me.

[WHERE THE HELL ARE HER TURRETS

...actually never mind, they'd be dumb enough to miss and hit her. Idiots.]

As am I- I've had the prep time for it to only half-kill me with amusement. xD

[chobi_chii]

All right.

[And she does let go, but will still look up at you with a smile. Chii might make friend with the turrets, anyway.]

Ah, of course. But GLaDOS out of her comfort zone is too amusing.

[did_well_enough]

[...are you shitting me. All she had to do was ask?

...this is odd.]

I suppose a "thank you" is in order.

[Doesn't mean you'll get one.

And she probably would. Also GLaDOS will be fixing her lab coat and what-have-you. Just because she hates this human body doesn't mean she wants it looking shoddy. She has a rep to keep.]

Naturally :3

[chobi_chii]

[Sometimes the simplest methods are the most effective.]

Your welcome.

[That totally counted as a 'thank you,' okay.]

[did_well_enough]

[Amen to that.]

[GLaDOS stiffens and clears her throat.]

So. Friends do favors for each other, is that correct?

[chobi_chii]

[Considers the question.]

Sometimes, yes.

[did_well_enough]

Well if so, do you think you could do me a favor?

[chobi_chii]

What is the favor?

[Now reel her in for the dupe, GLaDOS!]

[did_well_enough]

You mentioned that you thought test were fun, correct?

[And she'll give a very convincing smile.]

How would you like to complete a test for me?

[chobi_chii]

Yes, I do like tests.

[You're such a good friend for remembering~]

What subject is the test?

[did_well_enough]

How fast AI can react to certain situations, and what choices they make in regards to said situations.

Think of it like an obstacle course.

[chobi_chii]

I've never had a test like that before.

[But Chii thinks it must be fun, considering she thinks that the school tests are fun.]

I can one, yes.

[Chii, what have you dooone]

[did_well_enough]

Really? I suppose that makes sense, they are quite well known among Aperture Science test subjects and test associates, but rare outside of the facility.

[She smiles. Hook, line, sinker.]

Excellent.

[And now, wires will be connecting to GLaDOS' body, raising her up in the air, as the surrounding area of Dear Mun looks more like an Aperture Science test chamber. A pedestal rises from the ground, revealing a portal gun.]

Now then, in order to start the test I need you to pick up the portal gun over on that pedestal. Do hurry, we have a lot of testing to do.

[chobi_chii]

[She walks over, about to take the portal gun. Until the words 'a lot of testing' comes up.]

I said 'one' though.

[But Chii still picked the gun up.]