in which agent coulson works busily;; i don't know what happened here

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[In which first name Agent is quietly and mild-manneredly waiting on his phone. Is it Black Widow? Oh, no. Is it Fury? Of course not. But he seems like he's pretty invested. Elevator music would be good.

 


Yep, not much to report. Ah—but wait! He speaks!]

Okay, thank you; could you send those coordinates off and get me a SWAT team on route asap? I'd prefer if you could get it done within the next few minutes, if at all possible, but I know you have your busy moments. Mhmm. Yeah, that'll do—you traced her IP back to California, right?

Tell her Mr. Coulson says 'hey there'.


And make sure you get me a decent writer; if they fail to deliver, I'll be particularly disappointed. I may even have them fired.



[okay actually even the mun here isn't sure what this is about -

what the fu

holy shit a SWAT team 

PHIL I THOUGHT WE HAD A THING

SHIT

give me back my keybo











Alright! This is Agent Pendleton, Level 2. Mun secured and taken in, sir; we're confiscating her computer and re-routing control to you. You should have full access of your muse in 20 seconds.]

Great, great, thanks for the effort. I'll let you know if I need you.

[And then Agent Coulson smugly nods against his phone, and hopefully decides to give Agent Pendleton a raise after he leaves?? Maybe????]

I'll think about it.

[Cool, you're the best, sir.]

For now... I'll write myself a trip to Hawaii and call it a day.

Comments

[swissarmybow]

[Just gonna be over here holding your mun at arrow-point.]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

Play nice, Agent Barton; she's already going to have a doozy of a time at SHIELD explaining how she managed to compromise me from the get-go.

[Time and space is crying tears of blood at all this commotion, but oh well. I've dealt with stranger things.]

If she tries to escape, just threaten her with tranquilizers. In the meanwhile, I've got other muns to have arrested.

[my phone is a dangerous weapon]

You have no idea how happy this makes me, LAWD I need to get my Marvel!muses together

[fireshark]

[A stare.]

Can you do that for me, too?

[sothatswhatitdoes]

I can do what I can. Unfortunately I have to priorities based on whether or not the muses work for government agencies. It's an unfortunate condition, I'm afraid.

[You understand, right? I mean, the stakes are pretty high when it comes to government people. Also, some might actually owe me a favor after this, and that sounds too tempting to pass up.]

[atomic_wrath]

[Godzilla stares down at you, impressed in spite of himself the puny human was able to keep his Mun under control]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

....

[whelp


suddenly, a megaphone in hand]

Excuse me, Godzilla-mun, but I don't think you have authorization to be commandeering a creature of that size and danger. Put the keyboard down and please refer to the SHIELD Animal Control Facility immediately.

[... Wonder if Thor would like a radioactive pet dinosaur.

Stark sure isn't getting one.]

[fleurdesel]

I was not aware that 'replace the mun' was an option.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[Oh, you're really cute. You kind of look like my ex-girlfriend. Man, she was a good one.]

For many, it's unfortunately not, but I think my previous mun didn't take into account that you should never leave an agent's contact list on his phone. Or let him have his phone, for that matter.

[meh

shrug]

Since I've already memorized the list on it.

[wedonot]

That was incredibly impressive.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

I can be an incredibly impressive person, if you give me a phone and leave my fingers unbroken... Otherwise I'd have to use my toes, and I really hate falling into predicaments like that. Tiny buttons and all.

[It's a good thing muns aren't particularly hostile until you're in a game or a meme. Then they're suddenly interrogation torture extraordinaires. And they don't even want information out of you, then. Sheesh.]

Overall, a mission accomplished.

[exloserspromise]

[Just... what?]

Well, that's one way to demonstrate the power of communication.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

Certainly is, and in my line of work, it's the most important tool. Besides the taser or the gun. To be fair though, those are their own brand of communication for the more... unwilling types out there.

[abeltorun]

[Okay, that was awesome. And kind of scary, because that's gotta take some serious resources to get around the fourth wall like that.]

Hey, how'd you do that?

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[Yes, brackets, it takes quite a lot. Fortunately for me, I am the king of resources. Even Mr. Stark isn't as savvy about connects as I am—I know because I know all of his connections.]

I whispered to a little bird, and it told a flock of little birds.

[AKA that's classified information, hush]

[outdated]

[Steve's mun watches this with trepidation. Oh no! SHIELD can take her bb away from her! She nudges Steve forward gently to get him to try and reason with Coulson.]

Uh... [He just stands there looking confused. STEVE HE'LL LISTEN TO YOU HE HAS A BIG FAT HERO-WORSHIPING THING GOING ON PLEASE HELP ;__;]

Don't you think you're being a little harsh, sir? [Yes thank you. Good Steve. :)]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[so many captains, must not fanboy :|]

Not particularly. Considering I don't have too many problems with her, she'll be released on good behavior in no time. With a very serious lecture and warning from Fury, no doubt.

You'd be surprised how many people give up what got them into trouble if Fury speaks to them.

...

Your mun's trying to use you as a voice of reason, isn't she?

and now for someone completely different

[followthatbird]

You are good at talking to the black box that is not a chew toy, nice mailman. I know it is not a chew toy because my master said so. It is not a chew toy, so I do not play with one. Is it your friend?

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[... You are so cute. I love cute dogs.

But I'm an agent so I have to be discreet about these things, just a little. Just gonna give you a very nice headpat while I inspect your collar. WHERE IS YOUR OWNER DO YOU HAVE TAGS.]

I would say no, but in hindsight my phone is a very helpful friend.

[aha]

So this little collar transmits your thoughts into human tongue; very impressive.

[may have to confiscate this for SHIELD.

It would be great to use for interrogating animals.]

[hillside]

[Oh yes, Maria is privy to what you were up to Phil, and isn't about to shake her own mun any time soon.] I take it the mission was a success.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

A huge success. My sources were far more limited, but I think 72 hours is a decent end-time, don't you think?

[hummm]

I'm still considering whether or not I should have her tumblr deactivated.

[clearance]

Hawaii's warm.

[ Which is Natasha's way of saying I like what you've done with the place, Agent Coulson. ]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[Don't I know it.]

I'll pack my best swim trunks.

If you'd like to join me and the other repossessed agents for margaritas on Honolulu, I've got a team with your name on it working trackers.

[heartofavenger]

[...well then]

Is she going to be all right? [Muns or not, that's a living, mostly innocent person/civilian there.]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[Captaaaain. Always a pleasure.]

Of course, of course. Despite our... disagreements, she's not an alien from space trying to take over the world. [smile] She'll get a stern warning and be sent on her way. Once my password's rewritten and barred from her computer, of course.

[like_a_gerbil]

[And Steve is suddenly part of the small group of Caps that appears to watch what his mundane is calling a 'magical' post. When he compares the new meaning of that to what he's used to...he has to agree with her.

He also doesn't want to leave his headspace. He happens to like his mundane's plans.]

Agent Coulson, I'd prefer it if I didn't have to relocate or have to break my mundane out of whatever facility SHIELD's considering sending her to.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[Aha.]

Understood, Captain; I'd never call in for the boys if you have something in mind yourself.

She has plans that you're content with?

[because sometimes, sometimes, muns have decent plans.]

[arach_nerd]

Could you leave mine outta this? I actually like him.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

Don't worry, Mr. Parker, I had no intention of busting you out.

[Because I'm mean and I'm only helping Avengers that you've yet to be a part of. I can be hurtful like that, sometimes.]

After all, having a mun you like is a good thing; they're a rare breed to come by.

[angermismanagement]

... Think you do something about mine?

[He's cursed with a mun that doesn't afraid of anything. Send help apparently.]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

Mr. Banner... [smiiiiile this is not devious at all] I think I can have something arranged.

[RUN FOR THE HILLS BANNER-MUN]

Not getting along with your kidnapper?

[hulk]

...That's. That is... Definitely something new. Huh.

[ and impressi-- brucey boy you start getting ideas and you're not the only one who can get angry ]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

It's a practiced art. [not my first rodeo, yadda yadda yadda; howdy bruce] They forget sometimes that they're civilians with no real understanding of agencies and how easily they work.

[imperius_rex]

....I always knew your people were dangerous.

[So much smirking.]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

Me, dangerous? Perish the thought; I'm just a simple government-working man with a suit and a phone. I barely even go out as much as I used to these days.

[web_head]

... That can't be fair. That's cheating.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

It's not cheating if there was no game to begin with, Mr. Parker. She knew the risks of trying to command an agent of SHIELD. [the biggest kanye shrug] Guess she thought proxies did any good.

...

They don't, by the way.

[sandwormie]

...Wow.

And I thought just reading the bracket-text was a big deal.

[because you're not supposed to be able to read the bracket-text in d_m comments, Luke.]

You like it, admit it. 'S why you keep doing it.

[...maybe.]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

Fourth-walls are easy enough to tear down. I haven't had much trouble stretching my legs in her old command chair. [but yeah, the brackets are a weird touch. gotta get used to it.]

[governorkang]

That's... impressive.

[If only he had resources like that.]

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[What are you.................


Whelp I'll just categorize you under '???' and move on with my life.]

I try to be, considering SHIELD is a pretty impressive agency. I wouldn't want to disappoint their standards.

[femininemystique]

[Eyes wide. Eyes wide.] What happened?

[sothatswhatitdoes]

Phone calls happened. Phone calls, and a decent amount of snooping.

[Aaaand yet another interesting-looking person. Not as green as I'm used to in terms of 'people who aren't skin-toned', but I can deal. After all, you seem pleasant.]

She didn't quite grasp that unlawful restraint is against the law.

[dude kidnapping's a felony, did she never read up on law]

[rainingarrows]

I feel like I should be taking notes.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

No need to, Barton. I'll refer you to the SHIELD handbook I've helpfully written up and let you have a field day. Besides, I don't think you read enough as it is; there are studies that say it works wonders for one's brain age.

[redheadpepper]

[Pepper is mightily impressed right now.] Staging a coup, Phil? Nice work.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

'Staging a coup' is somewhere on my entry in the database, it's true. Letting the muns have all the fun just feels wrong.

[grandson_of_coul]

Dad...as much as I would like to have done that, that's kinda a breach of By-law 4W, Paragraph 1, Section 3 of SHIELD Protocol: "SHIELD Operatives are not to break 4th wall as means of attack on those who would write without copywritten permission."

I know it doesn't exactly fit, but could you have done that to what's his face? Quesada? My mun won't shut up about him.

[sothatswhatitdoes]

[Baaaah.]

I have plenty of loopholes to bounce through; I'm sure the most I'll have to deal with is Fury glowering at me and so on. [I'm so chill right now, it's all good.] Quesada? That guy we've been watching for the last few years?

[usedtoberussian]

Are you sure that's a 'proper use' of S.H.I.E.L.D. resources?

[sothatswhatitdoes]

The most proper of uses, Agent Romanova. How are we all supposed to do our very important jobs if we're being thrown into other universes by a bunch of civilians?