dear_mun | (no subject)

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(no subject)

No, no this is great! Really great. Okay, we can definitely work with this. It doesn't matter who else you play or that you didn't plan on winding up playing on me. You did! So that means it has to be meant to be! Things don't just happen for no reason at all.

That's not the way it works.

Besides, you have to admit I'm a lot of fun.

So! Let's get out there. Operation Cobra isn't going to take care of itself. Well... come on!

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Yeah, 'cause I'm only a kid! I haven't been around 28 years. But I can see other people sad and hurting.

What do you mean never caught up in it?

[All the frowning.] Happy doesn't mean perfect. And things can be hard and awful but they can be good too. If you don't keep trying for the good, what's the point?

Don't you ever question that? What happens after the year when you grow up and go to the next grade and they don't? Never makes you wonder how that works, or why you're the only one to get older? You and Emma.

That's what I mean.

Doesn't mean perfect? Really? Trapped in Wonderland making hundreds upon hundreds of hats in desperation to only find they do nothing is not hard. It is the very definition of insanity and the trap that drives a man mad!

Well, yeah. I'm not from the same place. Emma is, but she doesn't know it. And I'm... just not. [His nose wrinkles.] So I don't know what that means for me, but that's not what's important.

That sounds really awful, actually. But trapped there and trapped here are still trapped. Maybe there's a way to help you too. And maybe it is mad to keep trying and trying and trying, but maybe that's better than just not trying at all. I'd rather be mad than give up hope entirely.

[Pause.] Wait. Do you think I already am?

I just wouldn't be so quick to rush through things before you know what you're getting everyone into. Everyone being you and her. You don't think it's important to send her back without you?

I'm trapped no matter what. Unless I can work out things with Regina, I don't have a lot of choices left.

Do I think you're mad? Not for me to judge.

Well... I'm not sure. But I'm sure it'll work out.

You should be careful with that. You can't really trust her at all.

I hope you're right. I do.

You can't trust anyone. That's the greatest lesson I've learned.

So do I.

Well that's not entirely true. It's just not always easy. You can start by trusting yourself!

Yeah, that's not happening, Kid. Not anymore.

Why not?

I'm not trustworthy. I'm well aware of that. Madness does that to you, but clear headed enough to know better.

So then if you're aware of it you can try to change it, right?

...

I wish I remembered that kind of youth.

You don't just change madness! I have two worlds living in my head. You don't just change that.

Maybe not just change it. But maybe you figure out how to make it work. If you want to enough. Or if you've got enough of a good reason.

Like I said, wish I remembered that kind of innocence. Not how the world works though.

Well, it should be. [Stubborn child is stubborn.]

Yes, it should be. That's exactly how the world should be. If the world was how it should be? We'd all be back in our proper beds by now. If the world was how it should be, my daughter would remember her true name and we'd be playing tag in the woods.

The world isn't how it should be.

So that's more reason to try to make it that way! [His optimism is pretty resilient these days. He had his little crisis of faith already.]

You have a daughter? Is that why you're so sad? You must really miss her.

For everyone trying to make it that way, it only takes one fighting it to ruin that. You ready to destroy your own mother for that?

I am sad because I know more than I should. I'm sad because she has a family and my own stupidity lost me her and her mother. I can't miss what I see every moment of every day that she is awake and for most of the night that she's not.

[Little frown.] She's hurt a lot of people. I know who she really is.

Is she okay at least? I mean, you know, as okay as anyone is in this town and all.

That's not answering the question. A lot of people in this town have hurt others. Some of them even in this world. She's still the one that raised you, took you in, was there for you for your entire life. Are you ready to destroy that?

She has everything I could have ever wanted for her. Just with another family.

She had her reasons for that. It's not a coincidence that Emma is my birth mother. [Son of the savior? Nah, Henry doesn't buy that being an accident. He can't figure out why though.]

And you can't be happy like that. That's pretty awful for you really, but at least she's doing okay.

Hey! Do I know her? I bet I know her.

But do you think she's the one that orchestrated it? All she had to do was make sure that Emma never found out about this town and the curse. How would taking you in achieve that? Seems to entirely go against any plans she might have, don't you think? I mean, if it was me? I'd have gotten you shipped off to Palm Springs or somewhere as far from Storybrooke as I could. Keep Emma away while the rest suffered under her damn curse.

It's horrid! But if I have this or a damn room in Wonderland then at least here I know she's safe and happy!

[He made a face, mouth twitching and nose crinkling for a moment.]

Yeah, you know her.

Unless she needed a reason to have some control over her or something. I'm sure she orche... [Ugh. Big hard word. This is a ten year old making a face before going with...] planned it.

[Yup. Distracted by this now.] What's her name here? I can keep an eye on her at school and stuff and make sure no one's bothering her!

Orchestrated. That's the word you wanted. Still seems crazy luring her enemy here. Maybe someone else did it.

[Jefferson went so still, chin lifting slightly. His throat worked against the knot that formed there.]

Her name... people in Storybrooke call her Paige.

Right. [Orchestrated. He's got it now.] Emma was always gonna come. That was part of the curse, right?

[Wait wait wait. Paige in a Storybrook. Curse is making bad puns now.]

Oh yeah, I know Paige. She's really nice. Everyone really likes her. But you probably know that.