re: 3x18.

[somethingspecial]

[She swallows painfully before letting out a shaking breath.]

...Don't tell me not to fly -- I've simply got to. If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you. Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade.

[The words are spoken a little faintly -- and most definitely miserably, before -- ]

-- how could I forget? How -- I've worked for this moment, this moment, since I was two years old, and I just -- I ruined it because I couldn't remember the words to a song I've been singing since I was two.

[Her fingers dig into her sides a little.]

I refuse to believe that I am not good enough for Broadway, no matter what that woman said. This was just a test -- [Yes, that sounds good, Rachel will keep telling herself that, yes.] -- a test of the highest calibur and I was not ready to pass it. But I will be.

[And Rachel wilts a little.]

Right?

Comments

[cangetsolos]

[ He really has no words. That entire thing was just hard to watch.]

[somethingspecial]

[She's quiet, for a long moment, before --]

Kurt deserves it.

[It's said quietly.]

[cangetsolos]

He did.

[ He couldn't even deny that. Kurt was amazing, and after all there troubles. It was nice to see Kurt finally get what he wanted but..]

You should have gotten to try again.

[somethingspecial]

It's --

[She's about to say 'fine', but the word dies in her throat, and Rachel shakes her head slowly, as if to say that it was fine without actually saying it was fine. But it's not fine -- and suddenly there's a tightness in her throat -- and her lips press together as her throat bobs -- and she moves forward to hug Blaine tightly.

Just when she thinks she's done crying over it -- no, there are still tears in her body to cry.]

[cangetsolos]

[ And he's just going to hold her. Because it's just what she's needs.]

For what it's worth. You sounded brillent.

[ivylynn]

[ ivy watches the younger girl for a few moments. she can feel her pain, after all this has pretty much been her entire life. she offers a small smile. ]

You're good. [ beat. ivy can't help but see herself in the girl, which is why she's actually stopping to offer advice. ] I know this won't help but most of us don't make it on our first try.

[ unless you're stupid karen cartwright. ugh. ]

[somethingspecial]

[She draws in another breath before she wipes her eyes, setting her jaw.]

No, but I was supposed to.

[ivylynn]

And I was supposed to be Marilyn on Broadway, now I'm barely in the chorus. [ beat. not helping ivy. seriously though what is it with all these singers thinking they're special flowers or something? ]

Nothing is set in stone.

[soullessautomaton]

[ taking a seat in front of her. He stays silent for a moment or two before he sings to her- ]

Someone give me a chance,
And just watch me break through,
I deserve to be seen,
This dream feels way overdue.

[somethingspecial]

[ -- there's a tiny upcurve of her lips, but something in her heart seizes, and Rachel wipes her eyes quickly before she lets out a long shaking breath.]

I can't do anything but this.

[She means it in more than one sense -- a large self-esteem issue, in where she's literally good at nothing else, and in a far larger sense of she will die without this.]

I can't -- I forgot the words to a song I -- I sang it with no preparation in front of a full audience with less experience and I couldn't sing it in front of one woman who -- I am not an --

[And she stops, because she wants to start crying again -- and Rachel quickly wipes her eyes before sucking in another breath.]

I am not an understudy.

[soullessautomaton]

[ He just gets up, pulling her to her feet. ]

Sing it -

I was born to perform
More than anyone knows.
I have passion and guts,
I want this and it shows.

[ and then he turns more serious. ]

I have fought, I have cried.
I've been broke, I've been bruised.
Yet at the end of the day
This life is what I still choose.

[somethingspecial]

[Rachel is tugged upward -- and she looks at him, like she doesn't want to sing, because she apparently can't even do that correctly -- but she gives in, clearing her throat to pick up where she left off.

At first, she doesn't sound like she's putting much into it.]

I am song, I am dance, all I need is a break. This is all that I am; someone give me the chance.

[But the more she keeps going, the more she seems to give.]

I am more than the average no one! One chance -- just to prove to you I am someone! Let me sing for you now, more than just 16 bars --

[And an unusual look of pain crosses her face, because if she had just been given that one more chance, she could have done it, she could have just sung the song and her future would be secured -- ]

If you give me a chance, you'll discover a star -- !

[soullessautomaton]

[ sitting back down. ]

Even Barbra heard a 'no' every now and then, Rachel. When you become a star she will be sorry she wasn't the one to give you that chance. But it's her loss not yours.

[somethingspecial]

[Her eyes are full of tears as she speaks, but her voice is calm and quiet.]

... Barbra doesn't forget the words to Don't Rain On My Parade.

[soullessautomaton]

You can't know that, for all we know this might have happened. And let's say Barbra went to an audition and forgot the lyrics and people turned her down just for that - well they'd feel like douches right now since she's Barbra Streisand.

Like you're Rachel Berry. And one day everyone will realize that.

[ nudge. ]

You know I'm never wrong.

[somethingspecial]

[Her lips are starting to wibble before she pushes herself forward to wrap her arms around his neck, burying her face into his shoulder with a stifled sob.

She knows he's right, that this isn't over, but at the moment, it feels like her life is over. Very, very, very over.]

[soullessautomaton]

[ He holds her, pressing a hand to her hair. ]

It's fine, Rachel. I got you.

[somethingspecial]

It's not fine.

[It's a muffled choke.]

I ruined my chances of attending the best dramatic arts school in the nation because I couldn't remember the words to my song.