regarding deferred app plans and Space Bears ( canon is parks and rec )

[brothernature]

No, hey, no fair! Why does the guy with all the shirts get to go to space and I don't? I would kick ass in space. Andy Dwyer... Space Bear Fighter. Is what they would call me.

Because I would fight space bears.

...And be named Andy Dwyer.

[ MANFULLY PUFFED OUT CHEST, FLOWING CURLY LOCKS, SCENT OF ...cheeto dust. okay, less manly, more whining. ]

Pleeeeeeeeeease? You promised I could fight space bears, and those kind of promises are important. It's like... somewhere in the Constitution. The part that says you have the right... [ ...wait how does that go again OH RIGHT. ] to remain fighting space bears. In space, because that is where the bears are located.

...Right near Uranus. [ AND NOW THE TEN MINUTE LONG GIGGLEFIT. ] That never gets old, you know? 'Uranus'. It's like a butt, except it's a planet.

In conclusion, vote Andy Dwyer for space!

Oh, and Leslie Knope for City Council. I guess that's kind of important, too.

Comments

[assistanting]

Andy Dwyer Space Bear Fighter.

Hot.

[brothernature]

Babe!

[ OH MY GOD APRIL IT'S APRIL andy is filled with pure, golden retriever-esque joy. ] You have to tell her we'd be awesome at space. Those bears are asking for it, and I'm just the man to give it to them.

[ that last bit was growled, a la BERT FUCKING MACKLIN FBI. ]

[assistanting]

[she adopts the Janet Snakehole voice. Come on if we're talking about roleplaying let's do it.]

Whatever will you do when you find out the bears actually belong to Janet Snakehole? [gasp!] I never meant to get those bears lost in space, oh please Bert Macklin, won't you save them for me? They're worth a fortune!

[brothernature]

[ he can't help but grin in an entirely non-bert way, because let's face it: roleplay is AWESOME. largely because roleplay usually means sex. and sex with april is better than beer, soooo... you know. it's the best thing since beer was invented, by lord beer..ser. of the house beerser. ]

Never fear, Miz Snakehole. I once wrangled bears for the circus as my day job-- I'll track down your bears if it's the last thing I do. [ STRIKING THE MOST MANLY POSE EVER and then looking down at april and grinning again. ] And then we'll have space sex, right? It's just like regular sex, only you're floating.

[assistanting]

Thank you, Mista Macklin, you'll have all of my gratitude if you do. Whatever you want of me, you can have it!

[a pause.]

That actually doesn't sound that terrible. But, uh, you can't go to space because then I'll be stuck here with Ron and Leslie and everyone by myself.

How am I supposed to deal with all those losers?

[brothernature]

I love it when you're Janet Snakehole. Super hot.

[ okay, so maybe andy isn't the best at staying in character. he tries, bless him. ]

No, babe, you gotta come to space with me! And Ron can come too, that's cool with me. [ wait a second. F R O W N. ] Leslie probably wouldn't like it though, space is like a cowboy movie: no rules, just damn dirty murderous bears.

...Plus all the ninjas.

[assistanting]

[she loves him anyway.]

Ninjas too, huh? I guess you might need me to help you with those.

[brothernature]

[ thank god, or he'd be perpetually camped under her window making sad faces or something. on a grown man-- technically-- that's just sad. ]

If you kicked a ninja's ass, I would never ever say I'll divorce you ever again even though we're just being cute when we do that, because that would be the hottest thing ever. [ and she could totally take out a ninja, too. andy married the best person alive, trufax. ]

[assistanting]

Yeah and if I kicked a ninja's ass, then you'd totally know I could kick yours if you divorced me. [and yes she could totally take out a ninja. she'll save you andy!]

[pantsnow]

Aww, Andy! There's plenty of time to go to space after I've won.