dear_mun | the brotherhood doesn't have dental.

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the brotherhood doesn't have dental.

It's not the stupidest thing you've ever done, sure. Just kind of, I don't know, really fucking awkward. Like if I did go back and I did remember people, what, am I gonna just stroll up like HEY YOU KNEW ME WHEN I WAS 18 AND DUMB AND NOW I'M 32 AND DUMB. AWESOME!!!!!! And then something explodes, I guess. Because it's me.

I'd have even less connection to any of them than I did when I was young. I might actually feel like it'd be... kinder? To avoid them. Because it's weird. It just is.

Growing up is appreciated, though. Even the shitty parts.

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[All he does is utter this curt, dead-eyed kind of laugh. THE FUTURE IS SO PROMISING, ISN'T IT, JOHN?]

[VERY. Christ. Sorry he mentioned it.]

Let me ask you something. All bullshit aside. Are you--we, whatever, I don't know how this works--are you happy? Ever? [The resigned, hardened look is still there in his eyes, daring this older version to tell him the truth, but somehow he also looks much younger than he usually does. Not vulnerable, exactly, because fuck that, he's not going to fall apart just because some possible future self is a loser, like that's even news to him. But there's something there that normally just sits deep below the surface. Usually he only runs into versions of himself around his age; this is the oldest one he's found so far, and if there's any slight chance that things might actually get better...]

Sure. [But his smile is still a little mean, still caught in that doubled mirrored self-mockery. He's been pretty calm so far, the cussing and fluster merely their shared habit. Now, though, there's a glint in his eye, a watching and measuring and unflinching way of watching his younger self.]

It's not what I imagined, and it's not what I wanted. But sooner or later, you'll probably figure out, what you want is irrelevant. You make do. You go on. Because maybe there are other priorities suddenly, other things or people who're more important than what you want.

Maybe.

[John, of course, notices that subtle shift. He nods once, briskly, grateful for the honest reply, however cryptic it might be. But hell, he's spent enough time with Magneto, he's more than well-versed in interpreting hidden meanings in everything. Plus, you know, literary snob. It's kind of his thing.]

[Meanwhile, he tries to wrap his head around what he's sure is a valuable warning. He can't imagine a world wherein he doesn't do exactly whatever the hell he wants when he wants. He's been down that road before, and he swore it stopped the day he learned how to burn. He can't imagine even letting someone take that freedom away from him, much less willingly surrendering it. That, honestly, terrifies him more than anything else this double could have said. And the asshole knows it, because he's him, and goddamn John needs to learn to quit interacting with dupes. Fuck.]

[clickclickclickclickclickclickclick]

Think of it this way. If and when you get to your thirties, you'll be a little more concerned about not being our dad.

[The sharp look eases off into a less intense if equally vicious amusement.]

Now cut that out. [Meaning the lighter, of course.] How're you ever gonna win at poker?

[The lighter snaps shut with an audible click and stays closed, but now John's squeezing it tightly enough that he wonders if he could crush it with a little more concentration. He was so very much hoping that that wasn't what his older self was talking about. He doesn't want to be a father. He can't be one. And it's only partly to do with the usual hangups about his own upbringing. Mostly it's because he really doesn't think he has it in him to give a good damn about anyone else, and even if he did, it wouldn't be fair to bring a kid into his spectacularly fucked up life. He very seriously doubts he'll make it to forty, and even if he does, he'll probably reach that milestone in prison or hiding out in one of Magneto's bunkers or something. He's not so much of a dick that he thinks he wouldn't love his own child, but that's still no kind of life for a kid. Or the brat could just get thrown into the system like he was and come out the other side even worse for wear.]

Probably when I learn that pulling out doesn't always work. So, if you're any indication, never. [What, like Future!John is the only one capable of taking brutal jabs at people to deflect attention from his own discomfort?]

[As if he knows what John is thinking — and, given the circumstances, he can take a pretty good guess — older John throws his head back and laughs. This isn't the cynical, bitter chuckle of before, though there is a hint of pity amid the genuinely uncontrollable fit of hilarity. Finally, he manages to calm down.]

I didn't mean — you don't have to be a dad to end up like him, you know. All you have to do is live for yourself and yourself alone, that'll probably do it.

[He stops himself before he reveals too much. It would be easy to go on; he's not afraid of his younger self's scorn. But it seems self-indulgent and pathetic to confide in another version of himself. For all his mindfuckery jabs about it, he doesn't think this John will walk his path. It wouldn't be warning him, but unburdening himself, if he talks about his ex, his kid, the situation.]

[This older version laughs too much. Not in a good way, either, and it's really starting to freak the younger John out.]

[He recognizes the truth in his older self's words, and though he understands the reluctance to share anything of himself, he also understands the need to do so on occasion. Bobby had served that role for him, once. Rogue, too, before she and Bobby got too close and John started feeling like an unwanted third wheel. Things probably aren't much different in that respect in the future.]

So who's the girl?

[ooc: just fyi, I really <3 your older!John and my older!Bobby is hoping to catch him in the meme comms or elsewhere sometime. :)]

[At least it's not Evo!John. THE LAUGHTER WOULD NEVER STOP... he smiles at the question, faintly sardonic.]

Why the fuck would I spoil you for something like that.

((OOC: omg yay :3 that would be fun! I'm not often in memes, but if you see a particular one you'd like me to drop by, feel free to PM me. Eventually this John will end up at

multiversal but it won't be for a while.))

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the brotherhood doesn't have dental.

no subject

Maaan. Just wait until I bring in my OlderMovieverse!Bobby to torture him. Or worse, comicverse.

HAHA oh no

Comicverse!Bobby would knock that emo right out of him. If John didn't kill him first.

John is ALLERGIC TO PUNS, COMIXBOBBY

PUNS ARE COOL, JOHN. JUST LIKE BOBBY.

NOOOOOOOO

OH YES.

he always knew he would regret this friendship