tentatively checking out games for asshole mcthneedy.

[hyphens]

Your first mistake is assuming just anywhere will do. That seed I've been keeping in storage? It's mine. Take it along as part of the inventory or what-all, plant it and grow my truffula trees wherever you toss me so I can continue to expand my empire. It's only a symbolic little thing so far, but you'll be putting the cogs into action and working with what we've got —

Ted? And just who is that? If you think I'm handing over the opportunity to take my business elsewhere, to a kid, you've got another thing coming — !




Don't like my terms? I don't care. You'll be working for me now, mundane.

Understand that.

Comments

[truffuladreams]

[QQ cry some moar.]

It's ignorant to think everyone wants a thneed.

[hyphens]

No. It's - It's, that's — listen, lady.

[ Da fuq did his point go? ]

[truffuladreams]

I'm listening.

[Where did his point go?]

[hyphens]

[ — no, wait, here it is! ]

I got very, very rich knowing what people want, and trust me; once you have a thneed it'll be all you ever need. That's the whole point!

What are you going to do with a tree, anyway? Watch it grow? Oh, fascinating, let me draw up a chair to do that never.

[truffuladreams]

Yeah, I'll watch it grow. I'll see it every morning in my backyard when I wake up, every afternoon when I go outside to read, and every night before I go to sleep. I'll get to watch it grow up and when I have kids of my own, they'll be able to watch it, to.

A thneed won't last forever. A tree will - and I think my future kids would appreciate the tree a lot more.

[This is pure, painfully sweet sincerity. It's enough to give diabetes and melt your eyeballs at the same time.]

1/2

[hyphens]

[ ... Fuck. She'd look so good in green, too. ]

[hyphens]

You know what is important? Family. Coming together because you're strong and staying that way. Don't tell me that trees are that great, okay? No one cares about them.

They've never mattered by comparison.

[truffuladreams]

[Oh, Mister Once-ler~❤]

A family doesn't come together out of strength, they come together because they care. They stay with each other because they love one another so much they can't even imagine what it'd be like without them.

[So. Much. Sincerity. Its buuurns!]

And for the record, I care about trees. So does Ted and his Grandma. And you know what? They're family to me. Even when Ted loses his things in my backyard and I say weird things and Grandma Wiggins takes forever to play games, they're my family. We're together because of love, not strength.

[hyphens]

Well ... we're not all perfect little redheads like you. I don't need your approval, whoever you are, and my family does care about me.

[ LIFE IS PAAAAIN. Being an unwanted son buuuurns through that sincerity. ]

[truffuladreams]

[Know what it's time for? It's time for one of Audrey's famous 'get da fuq on the ground with me' leg sweep-kick to the stomach flips. Word.]

Nope. You don't need my approval, or anyone else's.

[Just gonna roll onto her side to smile at Oncie.]

I'm Audrey. Although I'm not going to object to being called 'perfect little redhead'.

[hyphens]

[ HOPY SHIT qurl what kind of protein shakes are you packin'? ]

Ooooow, o-oh, yikes. Hello, ground! [ Don't mind as he clutches his side, he's a SUPER OLD twenty-something and these folks are always less limber than your regular tiny high schoolers. ] Yeesh.

[ Turning his head sideways, he peers at her for a long moment before mumbling for something AT ALL to say. ]

... You knocked my hat off.

[ At least he isn't moping anymore. ]

[truffuladreams]

[ALL THE PROTEIN SHAKES. God, you'd think Oncie never prepared to be bitch-tackled by a high school girl.]

You look better without it.

[...Burn?]

[hyphens]

[ IS IT??? Dayum, look at those long lashes you got, miss. ]

I like that hat, I'll have you know. And my name's Once-ler.

[truffuladreams]

[So much swag, Oncie. So much swag.]

I like it, but I like you better without it. You look more relaxed.

[She reaches out and grabs the discarded hat, angling her head upwards to place the item on her head.]

What do you think, Once-ler? Is green my colour?

[hyphens]

Yes.

[ It doesn't take a beat for him to answer, shrugging and resting his gloved arms behind his head as he looks away nonchalantly to the sky. ]

I mean, y'know, you have pretty hair, of course green looks good on you. You're all red and ... peach. [ Except on her lips - ] Rosy.

[ Yeah, back to the sky now. ]

[truffuladreams]

[Audrey's cheeks go a faint pink, and she shoots a shy smile at Once-ler.]

That's really sweet of you.

[It's almost unnoticeable when she leans in to brush her lips against his cheek, only to pull away in an instant. The touch is so feathery soft, she wouldn't be surprise if Oncie didn't even notice it.]

1/2

[hyphens]

Huh.

[ Oh, he noticed, he's just INWARDLY FLAILING OMG WUTTT being chill about it, swallowing the sudden lump in his throat. No, screw this, he can sit up and face her like a terrified man. ]

[hyphens]

Do you like green things? [ Wait, no, that's shitty. ] The green thing. Clothes. [ NO, THAT'S JUST CREEPY. ] Do you like green hats? I could get you one like that, that could be a thing I ... do. If you want, Audrey.

[truffuladreams]

[Hold up, hold up, hold up-- Did she scare him? She doesn't want to lose a new friend, even if he takes all the trees away in the future!

Oh, wait, no, he's just rambling. That's okay. She'll just be sitting there trying not to laugh at how adorably dorky he sounds.]

Green's a pretty colour. Yes, I do like clothes. I guess I like green hats and no, you don't have to do anything for me. Any more questions, Once-ler?

[hyphens]

Only, er ... Would you like to go out and look at hats sometime?

[ What even. ]

[truffuladreams]

[Audrey pauses, pretending to deeply consider his offer.]

Hm... Alright, but I've got one condition.

[Dramatic pause, go!]

You'll have to hold my hand at least once. Do you think you can handle that?

[hyphens]

[ Audrey, Audreeeey. What are you doing to him? ]

Yeah, I — [ Pausing, he reaches over, silken digits lacing through her own fingers to give a squeeze. ] I think I can manage that.

[truffuladreams]

[Showing him a good time?]

To be honest, even if you couldn't, I was going to hold your hand, anyway.

[Audrey returns the squeeze, vaguely wondering about whether or not his hand is softer than silk. She's sure he smells like butterfly milk, though, which has her inching closer and sliding the hat off her head to rest her cranium on Oncie's bony shoulder.]

You know, I thought you'd be different. More of a jerk, or something. I'm glad you're not, though.

[hyphens]

[ This is close to the best day ever, he's just not sure why. Like he sold his first thneed all over again! Resting his temple on Audrey's hair, he finds he's smiling only when the expression falters. ]

I'm not a jerk. [ He never was ... no, never. ] Why did you think that?

[ Sitting with her like this, running circles over her palm with a thumb, he doesn't want to presume to know her mind. Not again, anyway. ]

[truffuladreams]

[Audrey squirms at the feeling of his gloved thumb rolling around her palm, trying to find the right words. She always assumed someone who stole all the truffula trees had to be some kind of asshole; in hindsight, it was an unfair assumption, but somewhat reasonable. But he was nothing like she imagined. He was much sweeter and delicate, nothing like the heartless, greedy jerk she always dreamt he'd be.]

I guess I just thought you'd be mean because you never gave the seed back to Thneedville and now we have electric trees and bottled air and robot flowers.