(no subject)

[shilowallace]

Just think what I think: they're just money, they disgust him. And sometimes he gets busy, sometimes there's a rush. And you know he would break a wristcomm if he ever tried to use one, anyway.

I mean, it is going to be okay.

Comments

((just fyi, as i'm typing this, itunes definitely just started playing "grief" ;]))

[shilowallace]

Well, I know my boyf...GraveRobber's some kind of blessed. So's my writer's. Boyfriend, I mean.

Are...you okay?

PSITUNES AHOY. xD It knew what was coming.

[bookofjohn]

[John looks stricken for a moment.] ...Hey it's not obsession. It's caring. It's caring some people just show it differently.

[His face twists.] ...No. To be perfectly honest. I'm...I'm trying to be? I'm sure I will be. [He runs a hand across his face.] ...It's the-the downside to too much caring.

[He laughs, a sad and bitter thing before taking a seat in the dirt-heedless of his coat and outfit.] ...too much caring. I don't suppose you've seen a little boy-green shirt, red tie...hat a little too big for him? Running around?

[shilowallace]

[Frown.] There's a...downside to caring?

I'm sorry, I haven't. I don't know very many little boys. In fact, I don't think I really know any.

[bookofjohn]

...According to some people. Getting too obsessive. [a bitter laugh] They're mistaking obsession with a desire to find my little boy before he hurts himself. He's...he's always getting into places where he shouldn't be but this time...this time...

[He hesitates] I'm sorry. I- [he pats at his pockets for a moment before he realizes that-no, he doesn't still have his photograph.] ...I'd show you a picture but I-I don't have one.

[That's enough of a thought to make him twist again in frustration.]

[he looks amused] Daniel'd make friends with anyone but you and he are...rather different in age. He was the only kid who never wanted to hang out with the teenagers.

[He just wanted to be like his father.]

[shilowallace]

That doesn't...really sound like obsession. I - I mean, children should be allowed to...explore and...get lost sometimes. It can't always turn out badly.

I guess you sort of have room to be picky with your friends, when you have more opportunity to make them. That must be sort of nice for him.

[bookofjohn]

[John looks up at that.] ...Why do you say that? say that it can't always turn out badly?

[And he laughs] ...He was only eight. I don't-I don't know what goes through his head. He was-is-is.

[Deep breath.] He's at that age where people are just starting to make their own decisions. Fighting me at every turn, running off and then apologizing. He had a way of getting [he clenched his hand into a fist and pressed it against his chest.] ...getting into your heart.

[shilowallace]

[Hesitation and a few false starts before she can spit it out, in the right way, to prove her point.] I got lost, once. Only once. Some of it...wasn't great, but it ended up being sort of...necessary.

I wouldn't really know anything about that. I'm only...just sort of at the age where I can make my own decisions. I mean, I used to try, but that never went over real great.

[bookofjohn]

...necessary?

[He looks scornful for a moment but looks away.] ...He's young. You're a young lady. There's a difference.

...why was it necessary for you?

[shilowallace]

Because I'd never been lost before. Just all...locked up and kept away from...well, everything. I learned more from being lost than I ever could have in my room.

[bookofjohn]

...Who did that to you? [He looks horrified.] You shouldn't...I mean maybe I was a little overprotective of Daniel but his mother left. And he was so little but I didn't lock him up.

[The idea is utterly abhorrent. He's pouring over this now, trying to pay attention to the girl-but looking distracted.]

[shilowallace]

When my mother..."left", my dad sorta went off the mega-deep end.

[bookofjohn]

...For a prolonged period.

[He tried to picture what it would have been like to love Salome and failed. Daniel was the only good thing to come out of that picture.]

[shilowallace]

He was...bad until he died. I guess he still probably is.

[bookofjohn]

[Yup. John studies her for a moment then closes his eyes.] I was like that...before my son. I guess some people...

[He's about to say "some people aren't meant to be parents." but he doesn't because-you don't get a choice in that kind of thing. The choices are up to them.

...and suddenly he feels better. He can't explain it but he feels better because for the time he knew his son he at least took him outside. They were together. Sure he worked but he did it for the boy and understood that you do the greatest thing by leaving yourself behind for another generation so that even if you die there is something left behind...

and then he lets out a strangled sob before trying to hastily cover it up by coughing.]

[shilowallace]

[A sad, little laugh.] Trust me, you weren't like my dad was.

Um. Do you...need help? Or something?