Voice Testing

[subcontractor]

AHAHAHAHHAA FOOOOOOOO-- oh, who am I kidding, that bit is tired. And does a number on my vocal cords.

Anyway, you've decided to give me a go, have you, young lady? Well, I can commend your taste, but it's terribly rude to simply pluck me out of my forest, you know. Especially without my input. That's downright kidnapping! You know how much trouble you'd get in if I were, to say...press charges? It is a serious offense, punishable by law. Trust me, I'd know.

Pot calling the kettle black, huh? ...Fair enough!

Well then! Let's just sweep this little mishap under the rug, shall we? Make a deal...and I'll behave. I mean, who knows what sort of havoc I could wreck inside that pretty little head of yours? Wouldn't want it to pop off, would you? Hahaha, that would be just terrible, wouldn't it?

...Not using it, huh? You're not making this any fun at all, you understand that? [There's a long, exasperated sigh, and a drumming of fingers against his arm as Snatcher folds them over his shadowy chest.] Alright, how about this? You scratch my back, and I scratch yours. An eye for an eye. You leave me alone for a good, long while, maybe let me stretch my legs here and there when I want, and I'll give you a little entertainment now and again. How does that sound?

Hm?

Oh, why ever would you think there's a catch, young lady? I've been nothing but the definition of honesty!! Really! Ahahaha!!

Comments

[hattersgonnahat]

[A second noodle?? Pretty sure this is 99% not her fault, though it doesn't hurt to be a little bit concerned that something broke or was stolen again.]

[Well, concern for later anyway. It's not everyday you have another BFF to play with!]

[And so she latched on to his shoulder mid-monologue with little care about what was being said. It was almost instinctual. She will probably figure it out later, but in the mean time: 'sup.]

[subcontractor]

[Like always, because he just expects this now, Snatcher continues to talk while the horrible monkey baby creeps its way onto his shoulder. When he's finished, and only when he's finished, does he even acknowledge her presence. Can't give her even that slight benefit, it'll go straight to her obnoxious little hat wearing head.]

Anyone ever tell you it's rude to interrupt the adults when they're discussing business, kid? Or to listen when they tell you to GET LOST? [Like picking off a dustbunny, Snatcher grabs her by the cape and sets her down.] Are you really that bored? Got nothing better to do?

[ergonomicseating]

You seem quite familiar with legal procedure and terminology. If I were to assume that you are, in fact, a lawyer, would I be correct in this assessment?

[subcontractor]

Well, I did spend years in an academy, being privately tutored, and have given about perhaps hundreds of thousands of contracts, so...

I'd call it more o a hobby, really.

[hattersgonnahat]

[Good thing the kid weighs like, nothing. Being plucked by the cape has almost no effect on her, strangling or otherwise, possibly much to Snatcher's dismay.]

[And hey! You were doing just fine continuing to talk, so she interrupted nothing.]

I just wanted to know what was going on!

[ergonomicseating]

[Now this is what most people would call a...mixed win? On the one hand, he does have more experience (a lot more experience) than most people who would be suitable for the position. On the other, it doesn't seem like he has the certificates to back up his claims.

Hmm.

Oh well. There's workarounds for every problem.]

Maybe so, but your knowledge and experience seems far too abundant to be written off as a mere "hobby". How would you like a job?

[subcontractor]

[Maybe to some degree, he's disappointed, but there's always new and funner ways to eradicate you, Kid. =) Care to test a couple out sometime?]

Asking usually yields the same results, but I'm no one's mentor. Or babysitter, for that matter. [WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE.] Just a boring conversation about, you know...adult stuff. You wouldn't be interest--

Wait a minute, did you just talk? Like...actually talk?

[subcontractor]

[Well, if you want to take a peek at his degree in law, you're going to have to talk to his wife. Pretty sure she's got it stashed somewhere in her manner. Maybe. Unless she tore it apart, like she did with everything else of his, but you know. Details.

Besides! This conversation took a much more interesting turn. Leaning down, practically doubling over, Snatcher leans his chin on his hands.]

Aahahha, well! This is a first!! No one's ever tried to sign me onto anything! I like your style, young lady, but I have to ask...what's in it for me? Can't do something for nothing, you know.

[hattersgonnahat]

I did! [Did you want to hear more?]

[subcontractor]

[Not at all! =D]

...Huh. Well, that's something else. Just don't go pestering me even more than you already do by buzzing in my ear, kiddo, you're on thin ice enough as it is.

[ergonomicseating]

[Although it doesn't seem like Susie can smile, her eyes do change. They curve and narrow, looking like two crescent moons turned on their side. She seems pleased by his response. Things are going well so far.]

Of course. I am running a business. It would be foolish to expect you to work without compensation and I think you'll find that I am no fool. You would naturally be substantially paid for your services. However, if monetary gain is not all you desire, I'm sure we could come to some kind of agreement. Is there a type of payment in particular you would be looking for?

[hattersgonnahat]

[Oh no... don't you know the first rule about not getting pestered is to not say you don't want to be pestered?]

I never done anything wrong...

[Well.]

[Not really.]

[He started it anyway.]

[subcontractor]

[His eyes narrow, but the smile only grows wider, more pointed.] ...Oh, someone etch me an X-button, I seem to have forgotten how to doubt.

[DEEP BREATH.] Anyway, congrats on getting over your premature laryngitis, or whatever...I'm glad for you. No, really. But you came here for something, right? Spit it out, now that you can, apparently, talk and all that. What do you want, kid? I haven't got all day.

Well, I mean, I have a millennia, but not one to go wasting on you, hahaha!

[subcontractor]

[=) ...heh.]

Oh, let's not sweat the small stuff, my dear!! We can negotiate later, I'm sure... What sort of business are we talking about here, anyway? I need to know all the...ins and outs, if I'm to lend my expertise, after all.

Just tell me what you need of me, and - if it suits me and my oh so busy schedule - I'll put it up for consideration. Sound like a deal? [Say no.]

[ergonomicseating]

[Hmm. Nope. Don't like the sound of that. Her "smile" fades, replaced by a blank expression with her unnervingly large eyes.]

How about this: I will tell you what the job I have in mind will entail and we can discuss the intricacies afterward. I do not like to make verbal deals or agreements. It's far to easy for one party to try and take advantage of the other.

[AKA just because she acknowledges your skill doesn't mean she trusts you, Snatcher.]

What I would be asking of you is the settlement of simple legal matters. The Haltmann Works Company deals in...demolition and resource gathering. Usually one, then the other. Essentially, we arrive at a planet, take the resources of that planet for our own, then simply destroy it. From there we use the resources in various experiments for weapons, technology, or simply keep them as is and then sell our products or resources to the highest bidder.

Suffice to say there are many planets that take...object to our business strategy. Many question its legality, among other things. That is, effectively where you would come in. Of course, any other such assets you could bring to our wonderful company would be welcome.

[subcontractor]

Verbal? You got me all wrong, young lady! I'm no amateur, I assure you that! My dealings... [He poofs up a roll of parchment, and a long, inky black feather quill.] Are all contractual. Always best to have a paper trail, yes?

[The parchment, before she can get a good look at it, is quickly snatched up, the quill twirling between his long, gnarled fingers. But he can tell a shrewd business...woman? Girl? Honestly, he's not quite sure, she sort of looks like a bug.]

Well, far be it for someone like me to argue how one operates their business, but petty disputes over ownership of...various property falls into my talents, yes. [He chuckles, and that smile becomes a little sharper. His fingers tap against each other, that ghostly tail curling as he lays on what might be his stomach. He is rather large, after all.] I only ask that my planet, my forest, remain in tact. Not a pebble out of place. Wouldn't want me to take...legal action, would you? Hahaha!!

Now, if you'll sign right on the dotted line there...I believe we'll be in agreement. [He waves his hand, and the contract and quill waft back over, with far more detail added. Though...hm...the more Susie looks, the more faded and blurry, tiny the text becomes. How bizarre, that.]

[shestravelsized]

[ kid....napping?

That sounds bad. That sounds straight up terrible.

Her much smaller hand reaches out for him, beckoning him close!! Wave wave!! Come here!!! ]

[subcontractor]

[Hmmm? Another kid? Yeesh, at this rate, he'll have collected enough to open a Daycare or something... Eugh, no thank you, though this one seems...a bit different. Kindred, in a sense. Oh well, still prime soul material, one way or another! And far be it for him to waste any opportunity, i it comes so eagerly waving...

Leaning down, way down - practically lying on his stomach, actually - Snatcher waves back, or well, his fingers wriggle in greeting, and that ominous grin o his gets wider.]

Well, hellooo there, little lady! Something troubling you? Not that I care, but misery loves company, you know! And I could use a laugh.

[shestravelsized]

[ she wanders toward him with a hand out-stretched, and...

....tries very innocently to give him soft pets on his face. His cheek? His head? Whatever she can reach. She's on her tiptoes now, black haori slipping on her shoulder.

You don't seem so bad. Nobody's died. And you have a nice laugh. ]

[subcontractor]

[What the heck?? Do all ankle-biters around here have absolutely no manners whatsoever? Or, you know...a sense of personal space? Who the heck raises these kids, anyway?! Grin twitching slightly, because this is...more normal than one would think (thanks, kiddo), Snatcher brushes her little hand away, like dusting off a speck of dirt.]

Ugh, personal space, kiddo... Hasn't anyone told you not to just randomly walk up and touch people you don't know? Goodness knows what might've happened! I could have taken off your whole arm!!

I mean, I still could, but that's not really my style...

[shestravelsized]

[ whole arm? The whole thing? Her eyes look at her arm, lifting it and swinging it back and forth, like trying to recognize that it's still there and firmly attached...but still good and swingable. Yep. Important stuff!!

But...his advice reaches her ear!! ...and drifts happily out the other side. Personal space is not a concept Tanjiro has been very strict with. Her head tilts quietly. Doesn't like pats...but he is so worthy of them. She reaches out again to give him a better pat than before!! Best pats!! ]

[ergonomicseating]

[To her credit, Susie does at least attempt to humor Snatcher. She looks over the contract, though makes no move to sign it. Her eyes squint as she keeps trying to read it and fails. She folds her...arm...hands against her chest as her expression looks angry.]

You might not be able to tell, but I am not exactly a novice when it comes to contracts, either. Letting a potential employee write up their own contract is rarely seen as a good idea, especially when the contents of such a contract are unreadable.

[Said with a huff.]

If you are legitimately interested in the position, then by all means. Tell me what you really want, aside from the protection of your world and your forest, which would already be included, and I will see what I can do.

[subcontractor]

[He waits for a response, and waits. And waits, and-- ...Oh dear god. It really is another one.]

Not...really the talkative type, are you? I'm starting to see a pattern here, amongst you bra--I mean, precious little cherubs.

Anyw--ILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!

[He swats her hand away again, smile gone. God, what does an ominous, shadow-entity need to do to get a little respect around here?! Maybe he ought to take a few pointer from--...nah, bad idea.] You want play patty-cake with someone, I know a sourpuss that hangs around the metro...a real cool cat. Could use a scritchy-scritchy under her chin real nice, if it'll get you out of my hair.

[subcontractor]

[Ugh, a smart one. Shame, those one are worse to get rid of than a possessed outhouse. Snatcher rolls his eyes and wafts up a bit, leaning back onto his snake-like tail as if the air where just a comfy sort of chair, arms propped on where the bend would be in his knees...if he had any.]

Ugh, fine. You know-it-alls are such sticks in the mud...but alright, I'll cut you a break, little missy. More than anything, I want you to leave my forest alone, got it? Your whole blowing things up and taking for yourself shtick leaves me with a bad case of deja vu...not anything I'm too keen on. But! I can forgive and forget, for a good price.

Leave my forest alone, and throw a few souls my way - not like the poor fools you'll be killing in cold blood will need 'em anyway - and I'll revisit our potential bargain.

No funny business. Cross my heart.

[subconmodo]

Well, well, well... Isn't this a rare sight? How's it going, Handsome?

[Truthfully he has no good goddamn clue how to handle this sudden instance of cloning (and is this version of him actually dead?!) but hey! It's fine! This is just fine. At least he knows he can carry on a good conversation with himself.]