About missing some app dates and canon.

[improving]

It is okay. You were not completely sure anyway. It is for the best if you take your time. It is not as if I am going anywhere.

About that other thing... I appreciate you understand what happened between me and Julian. Many people probably had a different idea but this is for the best. Or so I think.

Comments

[missfrostspet]

At least somebody understands. I sure as hell don't know what's your angle.

[improving]

[ Oh man. ]

I thought I was clear enough. What I felt, it changed.

[missfrostspet]

So you keep saying. I didn't even get a 'why'. Or what even those feelings that magically changed were, to begin with.

Guess I wasn't important enough to get given an explanation, uh?

[improving]

Julian...

You know I am not very good with words. Or emotions. Things...happened.

[missfrostspet]

...I know. I know Laura. I just- I want-

[A little growl and he reaches to run his fingers through his hair]

I would like to know why I'm being left just once, for a change. It took me months to get over...

You know what? Whatever. Bet you can't even understand what I'm feeling.

[improving]

Julian, I can understand. Maybe not before, but it have grown too. Maybe that is related to the way I feel about you now.

I cannot understand why do you think I'm leaving you. I just...cannot be there the way you want. Not right now.

[ Laura's neutral face gets shadowed by what is surely the same inner turmoil that bothers Julian. ]

I wish I could understand it better myself. Remy wouldn't explain it to me, but I think he is no good at it himself.

[missfrostspet]

Remy.

Sure.

It's always about him lately, ain't it?

[improving]

I do not understand. He has helped me all this time, and yet he knows I have to take y own choices. He did go with Logan without me, after all.

[missfrostspet]

After he realized he didn't have a chance in hell with you, I bet.

[A pause... and then a little growl.] No man, look, sorry. I didn't mean that. And I'm glad he can help you and stuff or whatever, okay?

I'm just. Pissed.

[improving]

He would not-

[ Well at least he apologized for that. Sort of. ]

He has suffered too. In his own way, he understands.

I do not know what to do to make you not be angry.

[missfrostspet]

Give me time.

[He looks at her now, meeting her eyes.] These things hurt, but I can't just pretend you didn't break my heart.

You grew up, you changed. That's cool, that's fine- but now I need to grow up too. I need to move on. I will... probably be angry until that happens.

[improving]

[ She holds the stare as long as she can before looking down. Laura isn't that understanding about broken hearts but she can tell that Julian, in a way, had made ideas on their time separated. If only they could have timed this better... ]

Then I hope you manage to grow up soon. It is no my intention to make you angry. It would not be good if something happens to you because of it.

[missfrostspet]

Yeah, yeah. Nobody likes it when the super-powerful telekinetic guy gets angry.

[He makes a movement with his metallic hand] But at least with you I don't have to hear the 'it's not you, it's me' or 'we can still be friends' bullshit.

[improving]

That is not what I mean, and you know it. You cannot keep making this more difficult than it already is.

[ And her words are laced with annoyance. ]

I do hope we can remain friends though. And I do mean it.

[missfrostspet]

Of course we can remain friends. What pisses me off is the doubt.

I'm not that swallow.

[improving]

[ You will never know, Julian, how close she was to say something along the lines of "maybe with time..." That would be a disservice for him, and she can't really compromise to anything. ]

I know you are not. I am glad. My mundane apologizes not having a "glad" icon for me at the moment.

[missfrostspet]

[That gets a little laugh out of Julian, at least.]

I'm pretty sure you would't need that icon much. You're getting better with words, but showing the emotions isn't your forte.

...Uh, no offense I hope.

[improving]

No...it is how it is. I have a long way to go.

[missfrostspet]

Yeah, we both do. If we're lucky we'll be able to learn together.

[improving]

I hope...I hope I see you again.

This time without dragons and children in the way.

[ She's totally serious about this. ]

[missfrostspet]

You never know. Next time it could be worse than Dragons, you never know with our lives.

[improving]

I hope that is not the case. I do like the quiet now and then.

[missfrostspet]

Really? I think it's boring. Had too much quiet while recovering.

[latrodectus]

Hearts change.

It doesn't have to be a bad thing.

[improving]

It is not bad, just confusing.

[latrodectus]

That doesn't change.

[improving]

I wish it did, it would make everything easier to deal with.

[latrodectus]

You don't appreciate a challenge?

[improving]

I have enough on my mind.

[latrodectus]

Well. You're still young. You have time.

[improving]

Age has nothing to do with this.

[latrodectus]

Doesn't it?

[improving]

Why would it?

[hellionated]

Don't kid yourself. This isn't for the best. You're going backwards and you can't even see it.

I don't care anymore.

[improving]

And you claim to know what is best for me?

[hellionated]

I thought I knew you. I thought there was more to you. I thought you cared about me.

And more than that. I thought you gave a damn about people who were your friends. But you were right, Laura. There's nothing between us.

Nothing. I wasted too long caring about what was best for you. I won't make that mistake again.

[improving]

I care about you.

[ Okay that kinda hurt her. ]

You are taking this out of proportion. It is not as if I want to purposely hurt you, Julian, but I cannot be untrue to my feelings, or lack thereof.

[hellionated]

[ That makes him laugh, harshly. ]

You care about me, but 'lack feelings'? You spent the whole time we were together trying to get away from me. You didn't want to look at me. You wouldn't even have said goodbye if I hadn't gone after you. Again.

So don't give me shit about not wanting to hurt me. Either you wanted to, or you didn't give a damn if you did. Neither one of those makes you anything close to my friend. You wanted nothing between us. You get your wish, sweetheart.

[improving]

[ ... ]

Your emotions are taking the best of you, Julian. You might very well remember what happened when I first visited you. Afterwards it did not go any better.

I really do no know what else to say.

[hellionated]

What I remember is you trying to walk away from me from the minute you laid eyes on me.

I screwed up then. I was angry. I wanted you to talk to me, to look at me. They all look at me like I'm a bomb ready to go off. I thought you would be different. I wanted you to be.

It doesn't matter now. And that's not on me. You're the one walking right back where you started.

[improving]

That is not true.

Perhaps you wanted it too much. So much you did not care about me, but what I could do for you.

...very well.

[hellionated]

You think I didn’t care about you?

[ He stares at her. He’d thought he’d made that clear.

Obviously not. ]

I waited for you. I thought about you every day you were gone. I didn’t know where you were, what had happened to you. No one told me anything, not even you. You were my friend. We fought together, and you scared the hell out of me. And when they left me, when the school was gone and they took off, I didn’t believe you were gone. Not after everything we’d been through, not after how we saved each other over
and over again.

And even when you didn’t come back for months, I missed you. I missed just being around you. I told you that when you came back and when Surge didn’t want anything to do with you, I told her to shut the hell up because you always belonged with us and I wanted you to stay.

And then you left, and came back and you didn’t want to look at me. And all you had to say was that there was nothing between us.

That’s how much was between us, Laura. You made me want to be better than I am. I thought you were brave, and strong, and loyal, and I loved you.

[ He stops for a second, conflicted, because saying that aloud makes it real. And putting it in the past tense was never what he wanted.

For him feelings aren’t so easy to throw away. So pretending that it's gone, that he hates her now…that’s the only way he can deal. ]

And I’m telling you that and it doesn’t mean anything because you didn’t get it. You didn’t want to hear it. Don’t talk to me about what I didn't feel. You stopped caring. That’s all that mattered.