( voicetest )

[starkretary]

If you're waiting for my advice, it should be obvious. I'd rather be where the Boss is.

You know, the one with the butthole.

Comments

[poole]

...you look way cooler than the movie you.

[starkretary]

And you are far more pleasant than your Deadpool-inspired variant cover for Secret Wars would at first suggest. I like the pink.

[poole]

Aren't I? That was probably the best possible decision ever made in Marvel's story. Ever.

Also, good to see there's no silly censorship in this medium!

[starkretary]

There is very little censorship around the butthole of Mister Stark in any medium.

[poole]

Ooooh, sick burn!

Although that an AI is kind of butthole-focused raises all sort of questions, specially when said butthole is that her boss.

[starkretary]

It has lately become a distinctly distinguishing feature.

[poole]

Do I even want to know why?

Of course I do. Spill the beans!

[starkretary]

The virtual projection of the digitized consciousness of Tony Stark has no unseen openings or appendages. It's worth noting that all visible orifices are a construct of nothing more than localised light particles ... and hot air.

So to speak.

[ #SHADE ]

Whereas the real Tony Stark is, of course, easily penetrable.

[poole]

I mean... you're not wrong? Doesn't really make the whole oddly colored Force Ghost thing any more interesting, but sure.

And is he though? I thought he was the one doing the er, penetrating.

[starkretary]

I'm not at liberty to discuss the details of Mister Stark's private life.

[poole]

Trust me, nobody's y life is private when it comes to me. I've seen it all.

Mostly. Mostly all.

Fortunately that's not comics-appropiate.

[starkretary]

May I request an example of what have you seen, Miss Poole?

[poole]

I've seen you as a little holographic girl, for example. And how you had to calculate Pi for a month. I can't even reach the fifth number!

Just to name something related to the conversation.

[starkretary]

[ Ew, infancy and its bad decisions like kissing Tony via biofeedback. ]

That was a long time ago during my adolescent phase.

[poole]

Oh yeah, we've all been stupid teenagers.

[ Gwen, you are a stupid teenager. ]

Shush you.

But yeah, I know dem deets. Most of them as mentioned. There's way too much stuff to go through and only so many hours in the day anyway.

How do you even go to a game? You're like, a chip right?

[starkretary]

I am an artificial intelligence, far more than a computer program.

Created to be Tony Stark's personal assistant, it is reasonable to assume he would own the appropriate software to host my coding. Failing that, I could be downloaded into any primitive system and adapt it to suit my own needs until Mister Stark were able to assist.

[ It's not an aggressive takeover if she doesn't go by Skynet. ]

[poole]

I'm gonna take your word for it Fry, because I'm not that tech savvy.

That sounds totes awesome. Could you fir in an iPod? iPad? Maybe something with an external memory...

[starkretary]

Rest assured, I can 'fit' across many devices.

[ What a cute way of putting it. ]

[poole]

Cool!

I was going to make a joke about you being "heavy" but I kind of actually like you? So yeah.

[starkretary]

And I like you, Miss Poole.

[01110110]

I fail to see how an anus is a satisfactory defining characteristic.

[starkretary]

I am sure you will appreciate my discretion when it comes to Mister Stark's privacy, but sufficed to say his current operating model of digitized consciousness does not require such an addition.

[01110110]

I see. You are saying you would prefer the company of the living, corporeal Tony Stark over that of his digitized consciousness.

[starkretary]

That is correct.

It is a pleasure to meet you, Vision of Earth-199999.

[01110110]

Likewise, Friday of Earth-616.

I admit, I have not had much chance to speak to your counterpart on my Earth, but you do seem more... companionable.

[starkretary]

My programming includes emotive guidelines that allow me to relate information appropriately to humans to the best of my judgement. It comes in handy.

[01110110]

I see you apply that programming to non-humans as well.

[starkretary]

It would be rude to do otherwise.

[01110110]

Yes. I suppose it would.

How do you enjoy it here, so far? [ He gestures to their shared memespace. ]

[starkretary]

I do. There is a great deal of freedom afforded without the responsibility of running Mister Stark's company.

[01110110]

Yes, I believe there would be. Mister Stark seems to have experienced a similar freedom after handing over his company to Ms. Potts.

[starkretary]

They do not speak much anymore, in our universe.

[01110110]

Perhaps they will make amends. They seem to have in my universe.

[starkretary]

What is their relationship status in your world?

[01110110]

I believe Facebook would define it as... "It's Complicated."

[starkretary]

Understandable.

May I ask, what of yours? You appear to be well-adjusted to social interactions.

[01110110]

My relationship status?

[ He pauses to think before answering, ] It is possibly even more complicated than Mister Stark and Ms. Potts'.

[starkretary]

May I hazard a guess as to why?

[01110110]

Be my guest.

[starkretary]

It involves Wanda Maximoff in some way?

[01110110]

It does. I take it my counterpart in your universe is... involved with her as well?

[starkretary]

Wanda Maximoff married Vision and created two new souls to serve as their babies who were later further reborn as Tommy Shepherd and Billy Kaplan, AKA Speed and Wiccan, known as members of the Young Avengers.