dear_mun | voicetesting, considering eudio

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canon: star wars

voicetesting, considering eudio

I thought we understood each other. You already know that I have a lot of things to take care of. I can't afford to slack off just because the war is over. It's now, in fact, that it's most important to reestablish the Republic because any system left without a governing body will turn to anarchy -

Yes, you told me that I can achieve at least some of my goals with what you're considering, but I believe in attaining things through hard work, not through dubious arrangements.

You don't even have enough icons yet. This is just ridiculous.

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I haven't, but I'll convince her to look around. She was encouraged by the large number of people I knew in the game, but perhaps there are other places.

[She sighed irritably.]

If you ask me, I'd much rather be working.

[She glanced up at Ben, realizing his deep concern for her, and she gave him a smile.]

Don't worry. I'll be alright.

[He exhales a shaky breath.] I'd rather you be doing virtually anything by comparison. [Shifting uncomfortably, he added,] I can't let you - or anyone - go through something of that nature. I know too much of it.

Perhaps there's a game where I could accompany you. [Not likely, given he's an AU, but like his father, Ben Solo ignores odds and facts when he doesn't like them.]

[She was only this impulsive with family, so perhaps she should've known - but Ben's distress tugged at her heart, and she reached over to squeeze his hand.]

Don't worry. We'll find something. [Leia gave him a reassuring smile.] You know - I'd like it if you came with me. My writer says that she'd like that too. She likes you a lot.

[Ben's first impulse was to squeeze back, and he did so, feeling a strange pang of loss that he hadn't had the strength to have this discussion with his mother from his time - he hadn't even tried.

And he wonders if Leia is going to reject him when she finds out all the truths he's been keeping from her, but that thought is mostly irrational. Or so he hopes.] And my writer is fond of you. I hope we'll be able to work something out.

Is that so? That's relieving to hear, at least on my writer's end. She's doing what she calls "voicetesting".

[She cocked her head at him.]

Does your writer know if any places to go? Hopefully someplace where we can be productive.

So is mine. Continually.

No, but I'll have him look. My writer is fond of our interactions; hopefully that will motivate him to actually do something, for once. [He throws his mun a look when the mun starts to object. Can't argue with facts.]

Maybe it will.

[She grinned.]

My writer hasn't been in a proper game in a while. She says she misses it. But I don't know why she picked me for one when I have far too many things to be doing. She says it's because she wants to "explore my feelings".

[Leia's mouth flattened into a line. She clearly Does Not Approve.]

Mine just got out of a game; many of his friends left it, and there wasn't much incentive to stay. As for why I was picked, in my case it was to see if I could truly return to the Light Side.

Or so my writer claims. In practice he seems to think reliving my past trauma is more interesting when I can think of thousands of better ways to spend my time. [He's as unenthusiastic about the whole venture as you are, Leia. Ben has the First Order to stop and Rey to kind-of-sort-of mentor, he doesn't have time for this.]

What game was that? My writer is curious.

Of course you can. You want to, so you will be able to. [For Leia, the desire and the will were already the first steps to success.]

Writers are sadistic creeps.

Mine will tell you over PM, but to avoid 'drama', will refrain from it here.

[He raises an eyebrow at her. Does she really think it's that easy? He hopes it is, but it hasn't been so far. After all, if it were just a matter of desire, wouldn't he have his Force powers back by now?]

I won't deny that perhaps I have some things in my past that need addressing. I just don't see why they need to be addressed now and so frequently. There's a semi-decent idea there, but the execution is off.

That's fine.

[Oh, most things were never easy. But Leia never gave up, and shouldering her burdens was something she did without complaint.]

Perhaps he just wants you to be at peace with yourself, and the sooner the better - even if it doesn't work that way.

I don't know if I can ever be at complete peace with myself. Irrational as it sounds, I've only felt better so far here when someone yelled at me briefly. I have no idea what to do with the forgiveness I've gotten. It doesn't bring me peace at all, just untold confusion.

I'm also under the distinct impression my mun delights in taking me down a peg. Which I know I've earned given my actions, but again, timing.

So you're the self-flagellating type. [She smirked and shook her head. If "emo" was a word that she knew, she'd definitely use it to describe him.] Can't say I've met plenty of those.

I know some men that ought to have their heads deflated. I hope you weren't one of them. [Her expression was teasing, but oh, Leia, if you only knew.]

I am now. I used to have an ego the size of the Outer Rim and no qualms about reminding people of my power and importance. I'm sure it was insufferable to witness but most of the people who had to put up with it were equally awful in their own ways. The Dark Side is far pettier than you've ever imagined.

I have no idea if I was or wasn't. My moods swung too much to tell. Coming over to the Light has made that problem less prevalent. I've only had two irrational outbursts of anger and at least these days I don't wreck a room with my lightsaber when it happens.

So progress is happening, despite everything.

I don't even want to waste my brainpower thinking of it, then. [She smirked, thinking of Ben as an egomaniac. She wouldn't have hesitated to knock him down if necessary - or at least, so she thought.]

Honestly, with what I know of the people immersed in the Dark side, it's a wonder that their political structures haven't collapsed in on themselves by now.

It's good to hear that you're making progress, Ben. Every step is important.

The reason the Dark Side's political structures don't collapse is multifaceted. People like power, but not everyone wants to be at the very top, and a lot of people stabilize at a certain rank. There are also people whose entire job is to manage people and keep them in line, for a certain set of guidelines that don't match up with what an outsider might expect. Not that you usually know who those people are - they have another job to camouflage their real purpose. Re-education also helps, even just as a threat. Just don't ask what it entails if you'd like to sleep tonight.

Progress isn't as rapid as I'd hoped, but it's happening. I think this is the most peaceful I've been since even before I joined the Dark Side. I've been getting better at meditating, too. It might be foolish but I'm hoping that these are signs I'm becoming more connected on some level to the Light Side.

So limiting your abilities and your progress, eliminating those who act out, and brainwashing.

[Leia never liked sugarcoating things.]

If you're finding some measure of peace, then you must be succeeding - especially after that "peace is a lie" nonsense they fed you, you can show yourself otherwise.

That first bit is necessary when your system praises being self-serving to such a degree, [he points out, having clearly given this some serious thought since he left, trying to puzzle out how the Dark Side didn't end with massive internal upheavals every other week.] Otherwise you'd have too many people aiming to be at the top of the organization for it to function. It's horrible, but it's efficient, I'll give them that.

Most forms of meditation are beyond me so I've returned to the basics, the things I was first taught. Sometimes peace isn't total calm but rather can be found in the reduction of internal chaos. What they did was convince me and virtually all other recruits that total calm all the time was the definition of peace so that, having twisted our definition of the word, they could make their statement feel true.

As I said before: horrible yet efficient. I'm glad to be free of it to whatever degree I am.

It's a dictatorship is what it is. [Leia obviously had many things to say on the matter, none of them good.]

No one is calm all the time, and yet many can say they've found peace. Though I suppose if anyone thought of such things, it would be considered treason.

Efficiency is the means by which most dictatorships rise to power. This isn't an exception, but it provides a shining example and explanation of how such a thing works. Hopefully the future will learn from it.

That's precisely why they made people think that was the definition of peace. One person did, in my presence, bring such a thing up to my Master. He assured her that she was misunderstanding the true nature of peace and passion and the inherently chaotic nature of all sentient beings. It's only treason if you keep thinking it or worse, act on it.

[Her mouth was drawn into a thin line.]

Hope. At least there is always that.

Hope is why I returned to the Light Side. Rey held an ocean of hope within her heart and mind, and it washed over me before I could realize it. I was ordered to kill my father but stayed my hand when I looked into his eyes and saw he had hope for me still despite everything.

Hope is what will rebuild the galaxy one day.

[Spoken like a true Naberrie-Skywalker. Leia's gaze softened and she gave him a warm smile.]

[She moved to stand next to him, taking her son's hand in hers.]

We'll rebuild it together.

[He squeezes her hand gently. If he allowed himself to get teary eyed, the simple gesture of his mother taking him by the hand would do it, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment.]

We will, [he agrees quietly, nodding.] I'd be honored to do so.

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