dear_mun | Reserved at Project Oasis

[Beth doesn’t want to think about that day. The day that was suppose to be full of hope because Daryl had came for her, he came for Carol. He didn’t come alone, he brought Rick and others with him. People she had missed, people they she called family and held very close to her heart. She hadn’t seen Maggie, she hadn’t seen Glenn but she knew they were both close if not right outside. She was suppose to leave with them, leave with Noah but she hadn’t.

She hadn’t at all.

She didn’t get to leave with him, at least not alive. Just like he had told her once she didn’t ever get to see Maggie again, she didn’t get to experience the relief and hope of Alexandria. No. What she got was a tragic death in the end. She didn’t know that he had carried her out of the hospital, her limp tiny like doll body laying lifeless within his strong arms. She didn’t get to see the hope on Maggie’s face only to hear her older sister cry out in body anger and pain. Honestly everything from that day seemed rather cloudy. She had stabbed Dawn and then everything just went black.

And here she was now. Very much alone and here. Where here was. She’s quick to reach her hand up and brush back some warm tears]

Sometimes we don’t get what we want, Mr.Dixon.

Sometimes, my ass.

[It was pretty much never for them and theirs. Or if something good did happen, it didn't last more'n a few days. And on a personal level of wants? Daryl lost out every damn time he voiced them.]

Why'd you have to go an- We could have gone back for Noah. We would have. You didn't need to do that.

[There came that ever so famous rough Daryl Dixon tone. It was enough to make a few more tears slip down her soft face, a hand going up to quickly wipe them away because after all she didn't cry anymore. She couldn't but yet here she was. She didn't want to argue with him, they had done that enough when it was just them but here she stood facing him after the tragic ending of Grady.

His sharp questions were enough to make her shut her eyes tightly because this was a conversation she wasn't ready for and Daryl just wouldn't understand. What she had done back at yhat hospital was her doing! It was done and in the end it got her killed.]

Yes I did.

Why?

[The anger bubbled up out of him. He didn't want to be yelling at her, but he didn't know any other way.]

Because you wanted to kill her? Fine! You coulda grabbed my gun if you wanted her dead so bad! Or asked Rick for his! He was all for gunnin' the whole place down! You didn't need to do-

[Daryl leaned his head back, hands over his eyes. He turned himself away from her. He didn't want to yell at her like that. He wanted to understand.

He wanted her alive.

Daryl sucked in a breath and dropped his arms, his head.]

It coulda been done a different way.

[Beth didn’t expect Daryl to understand why she had stabbed Dawn like she had. Why she had made the sudden decision to take action into her own hands without warning him, Rick or anyone from their group. Would that have made any kind of a difference? Maybe? But Dawn would have seen her reach for Daryl’s gun or ask for Rick’s own but then again maybe Beth hadn’t been thinking at all? Maybe it was just out of pure anger? Beth didn’t really know herself sometimes. She hadn’t expected to get herself killed but it happened.

Her small fists clinched tight by her side as he hissed at her, making her bright eyes sting more with hot tears.]

I didn’t want to kill her! [She snaps back. Yes she did, didn’t she? Beth wasn’t a killer, she never had been but something had came over her that day when Dawn peered back at her with that little smirk painted along her lips. The look as if she had won because she knew she could make Noah stay because she had that power]

W-why does it even matter now?!

[She watched as he turned from her, those strong hands of his going up and over his eyes. She didn’t mean to leave him behind in so much pain, she didn’t mean that for anyone. She took a few steps forward but she stopped herself from reaching out and wrapping her arms around him like she once had before.]

Could it? [She questioned him before she went silent for a moment, her bright eyes staying forcused along his back]

Told ya I'd be gone one day, Daryl Dixon...

It matters 'cause you're not here!

[Daryl turned and screamed at her, voice breaking on the last word. An ugly sob hiccuping out of him right after. The anger draining as he felt his legs give out. Just like with Merle, finding him dead and having to face that. Having to lose everyone one by one and still having to push on after because it's all he could do. All he had to do.]

You shouldn't be gone. I would've killed her if you wanted it so bad.

...I did kill her.

It was an accident, Daryl! [She shouts back, though her soft voice cracks with the guilt she's feeling. She didn't know why she had stabbed Dawn like she had or what made her to decide to take that action but something had to be done. She had Noah, she had a lot of innocent people that she was hurting and that bothered Beth. ]

I didn't want anybody to die. Least I don't think I did but somethin had to be done. She had Noah, she was gonna kill Carol before ya'll came. [She shakes her head a little]

I had to do somethin.

[Daryl choked on a sob. He hated crying. He hated feeling so weak. All he could feel with her there, yelling back at him, was weak. Broken. She'd done that to him. And for all that he hated feeling that way, he couldn't hate her for being the cause.]

Just... wish you'd picked something else.

Edited 2016-02-11 04:54 (UTC)

You're actin like I wanted this to happen. Like I wanted to hurt ya and everyone else! I didn't! It just happened the way it did cause that's just how it was, how it is.

[Beth could feel her big bright eyes burning with hot tears. She didn't intend to leave him behind, that alone in so much pain and guilt. She hadn't meant that for the group at all.]

I just didn't want anyone else to get hurt...

[And with that her hand quickly goes up to brush away tears]

[He didn't think she intended it. He just didn't know how to deal with it. And he didn't know how to get that across now that she was striking back at him. She was right. He was wrong.

Daryl stood there, head lowered, shoulders slumped. Quiet. Trying to hold the tears in so he could stop being such a fucking pussy in front of her.]

[This time Beth didn't hold herself back like she had before. Something inside of her was quick to pull her towards him and in a matter of seconds her arms were wrapping around his middle and she was pressing her cheek against his back.

It was an embrace she had given him once before, an embrace that helped sooth him. This time she squeezed a little tighter as if she were afraid she would slip away from him again.

She closed her eyes tight and kept herself there. A place she felt safe, a place she felt alive]

[Daryl stiffened, sucking in a breath. His eyes shut as he let his head fall backwards. The last time she'd done this, it had rekindled that flame of hope in his heart that they might find some more of their own. Just being there, supporting him even though he'd been treating her like shit.

He couldn't turn around and wrap his arms around her. He didn't deserve that kindness. But she didn't deserve to be left hanging, either. She didn't deserve his anger. His pain.

Daryl lifted one hand slowly to rest it over hers as he forced himself to relax into her hold. She was solid in the purgatory they'd found themselves in and he was wasting the time they had being angry over things he couldn't change.

She didn't deserve that.]

[Beth had always been the one to bring hope to all of them. She got that from Hershel, something she had carried with her after her father's tragic and awful death. It was something that kept her going, it helped her push away the darkness and hold on to the hope she needed. The hope all of them needed.

Not once did she blame Daryl for anything. She didn't blame him for the death of her daddy, she didn't blame him for her sudden kidnapping and she sure didn't blame him for her death. It broke her soft, gentle heart to see him like this. To see him like she had before, so broken and defeated. What was worse was this time she had caused those emotions, her death had done this.

Feeling his hand along her own, she moves to gently interlace their fingers, a soft sob leaving her because she hadn't felt a touch in so damn long and he felt warm, he felt real.

And she missed him. She missed all of them]

Reserved at Project Oasis

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