It's time to come home to papa! (voice test)

[dancingmad]

Ya know, lady.

[Aw, fuck! Here we go.]

There's this thing called "self-control" and neither of us have it! Kekekeke~

[There's goes that signature high-pitched laugh that everyone knows well.]

I knew you would come running back! You ALWAYS come back, dear friend. We're like two peas in a pod but you're not as clever as me~

[He sticks his gross ugly tongue at her in a disturbingly childish way unbecoming of someone over thirty. This idiot is trying to provoke his mun. Typical.]

So how about you drop that stupid Templar guy you're poking around and pick a new stage for me, hm?

[/sparkly deranged grin is go!]

You could always send me back to Segal and Connie! You know ya wanna~

Comments

[suchpatheticneatness]

Oh, oh, oh! Your Munnie likes begging you to come home, too!?

Were they all like, [ —it's at this point where she whips out her rocket launcher to use as an impromptu puppet, talking in an high pitched imitation of her mun— ] "Oh, we'll have fun this time! You can blow stuff up and pick on the weaklings and make super cool explosions like—"

[ Then, as if it were possible to be any more childlike, she makes a myriad of mock explosion noises, pretending to fire her weapon every which way. ]

... Was it like that!?

[dancingmad]

Yes, yes, yes! It's exactly like that!

[A squeal of laughter is heard once the clown lays eyes on his newest friend here in Land of Make Believe.]

Except add more fire, MORE FIRE! All the fire! Yes! My dear friend loves setting things on fire. Either that or casting a few thundaga spells.

[Kefka giggles.]

She really has a thing for lightning and I'm not talkin' about the stupid soldier girl either.

[suchpatheticneatness]

More fire?! Oh, that'll make everything cooler... Y'know, mister, you're all right!

Oh, oh, your Munnie plays that elf guy, right? With the turning into a giant thing and the blowing things up and the whole rat thing!! Can he join us in the explosionfest!?!?!

[ Though, after the hyper settles a bit, Jinx makes a gagging sort of motion at the mention of Lightning. ]

Yeah, I don't blame her! From what I've seen of the gal, she's all... super-serious. She reminds me of Officer Fat Hands!

[ A pause. ] Oh, that's right, you don't know who Fat Hands is. Whoops.

[dancingmad]

You're fine with me, toots! It's nice talkin' to someone who appreciates the arts.

[The God of Magic definitely approves of Jinx and all her badass glory.]

You mean that Ishgardian, guy? Oh yeah! Charibert's a fun one! He likes setting folks on fire. I think he'll tag-a-long with us but you better do something impressive to win his favor.

[Like killing innocents and all that jazz.]

...who's Fat Hands? Is he fat? He sounds fat!

[suchpatheticneatness]

Yeah, no kiddin'! I get all these people looking at me all... You shouldn't do that, you need to be a proper young woman!"

And then POW, I SHOOT THEM IN THE FACE BECAUSE BEING PROPER IS BO-O-O-O-ORING.

[ She whips out her gun, pretending to fire it off behind her, with the giddiest of grins curling her face. ]

Oh, oh, oh, you should have seen this one time, when I got called into the Rift, where I took out this guy and the rest of his team and I was all...

[ More grandstanding and gesturing commence, with sound effects besides. She really likes talking about shooting things... ] BANG! POW!! BOOM!! [ And once more, her rocket launcher is in hand, and she pretends to fire off a hail of pretend rockets. ] BO-O-O-O-O-OSH!!!

...and all that was left of them was their armor!!

Oh, oh, you wanna know about Officer Fat Hands!? Oh man, she's this pink-haired goody-two-shoes with these stupid gauntlet things, and they're like...

[ Jinx puffs up her cheeks and makes some sort of bloating motion with her hands. ]

They SUPER HUGE for NO REASON. I think she's compensating!

And she's always trying to be su-u-u-u-uper edgy and cool, despite being Officer Fat Hands, and she and Officer Shoots-A-Lot are all like...

[ She crosses her eyes and makes what is, by far, the most ridiculous of her expressions seen so far. ] "We gotta keep the peace, durr hurr hurrrrr."

[ There's a pause, and then: ] Basically, what I'm saying is that she's a lamer killjoy no-fun lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-oser!!

[dancingmad]

Proper? Proper?! To hell with that kind of tight-casting!

[The clown makes a sound of disgust.]

Phooey! That really stinks! Who says you gotta be "proper", huh? Screw that! I rather keep it real---as in real CRAZY!

[Kekekeke!]

Boom? Big badda booms everywhere, right!? Right!? Now that's what I'm talking about, toots. Gotta keep it real.

[Pink hair? Seriously what's with grown women dying their hair pink? Kefka looks mildly annoyed with Fat Hands already.]

She sounds like she could be Lightning's stupid sister! Gah, talk about annoying! We should set 'em both on fire and teach them a lesson in manners. Maybe they'll mind their business then. I've dealt with enough "do-gooders" to last a life time!

[Don't get him started. Kefka has a million and two stories to share about people screwing up his plans for destruction.]

[will_be_god]

A god soley of destruction...

I will not permit this.

[dancingmad]

Ehhh!?

[The God of Magic comes to a screeching halt when some poser tries to muscle in on his fun time.]

Who the heck do you think you are, chump?!

[will_be_god]

The one who will bring justice to this world. Who will reset it to zero, bring about the ending and the new beginning.

Destruction for its own ends is meaningless. It must give rise to more.

[dancingmad]

...Really?

[Oh look, Kefka is unimpressed.]

No you didn't just run up in here spouting that choco-crap at me, the God of Magic.

[EYEEEEEEEEEEEROLLLLLLLLLLLL!]

Go kick rocks, kid! I don't have time for nimrods like you.

[will_be_god]

[Oh why hello you're on the receiving end of one of Cyrus's Kubrick Stares.]

You say that title as though it means something to me. What do you bring but death?

[dancingmad]

[Think he cares? Kefka is used to dealing with creepy guys like Sephiroth, so he can handle that icy stare.]

Death and destruction! Don't forget about that, buddy. I'm really good at making pea-brain folks like you go BOOOOOM!!

[He laughs hysterically.]

[will_be_god]

To what ends? What do you hope to accomplish that way?

No, I already know. You seek your own enjoyment.

[dancingmad]

Bingo~

[The phantasmal harlequin lets out a chuckle as he slinks away from this annoying man.]

Now that ya know I'm in it for the laughs and giggles, then how about you entertain me, hm?

[Careful, there's magic in the air.]

[will_be_god]

[Cyrus steps back, hand darting to his vest. No time to think about what type these attacks may be--he goes straight for the big guns]

Gyarados, Ice Fang!

[You have a long Leviathan-esque dragonsnake rearing towards you, its massive fangs covering in ice. FIGHT, MAGIC, ITEM, RUN]

[dancingmad]

Nice try, nimrod!

[Does this loser really think sending some stupid ice serpent is going to put a dent in Kefka's style? He might want to rethink that!]

I'm going to melt you down with wibbly-wobbly Firaga~

[That fancy smashy sea snake doesn't get a chance to strike Kefka since a fiery inferno of magical fire erupts before him. The phantasmal harlequin cannot help but grin manically as he summons forth enough fire to raise hell up in this crazy Land of Make Believe.

He likes it hot.]

I am gettin' so hot, I'm gotta take my clothes off~

[Please don't, clown.]

[will_be_god]

[Fire, against a water type? Gyarados roared at the attack, but it didn't do quite the amount of damage that Kefka was likely expecting]

I see. You would destroy everything around us to defeat me. Perhaps you may be more of a match than I believed.

[dancingmad]

[Maybe using fighting water with fire isn't the wisest idea but Kefka loves to burn things. He's a bit of a pyromaniac at times but if he needs to shift gears; lightning might be his next move.

He's the God of Magic, there's nothing he can't do.]

Can it, buster! You're already on the losing end of this match as we speak.

[Without any warning, Kefka launches himself into the air and summons forth a bolt of lightning down at the water snake. If he can't beat it using fire, he might as well electrocute it to death.]

Coming right up is the THUNDAGA SPECIAL~!!!!

[will_be_god]

[Well! That did the trick! The dragon had been reading itself to knock the clown out of the sky, but the powerful electric attack knocked it out before it could do so. Though...it wasn't dead, so it wasn't exactly Kefka's overall plan]

[Cyrus recalled the dragon into a small ball, which shrank even further before being replaced into his jacket]

Enough of this. Your eagerness and violence will be your undoing. Those who wage war fall prey to it...

...Yes, that is the way of the world. I will see to it that you fall.

[dancingmad]

[A satisfied sigh escapes Kefka once the tantalizing sound of electricity sizzling through flesh rings in his ears. Now that the ugly serpent is done for; Kefka now has his sights set upon its master.

There's no way he's letting this chump get away scott-free! No friggin way!]

Leaving so soon? [He giggles while doing some fancy little mid-air loops. Kefka loves to fly. It's effortless for him.]

You want to see me fall, huh? Well guess what? That ain't happening!

[The clown darts right towards him and suddenly halts just an inch away from his face. Yeah, Kefka is all close and personal now.]

I died before, buckoo, and I'm not dying again anytime soon. As long as there's magic, I'll NEVER die again.

[will_be_god]

[Cyrus's expression doesn't change. This guy has faced down everything from the creator of the universe to the embodiment of antimatter--a clown isn't about to unnerve him, even one with godly powers]


If you truly wished to kill me, you would have struck me instead of Gyarados. You would not continue speaking to me. You have no intention of ending this yourself any time soon.