Spoilers for Clara's last episode(s)!

[inthesnogbox]

Bet you didn't see that coming.

You're a bit late to the party, aren't you? I've been gone for a while now.

Oh, don't be sad for me. I died like I lived. Maybe even Danny Pink would've been proud of me. And the Doctor...he'll be alright. He's better off not remembering me. This way he can go on, and not hold back because he misses me so much. It's good, what happened, no matter how much it hurt for him to look at me but not really see me.

Hope he liked the flowers.

I'm sure I had some grand adventures before the end, with good ole Me and our TARDIS. Plenty of wiggle room there for some fun. I think the Doctor would've approved of that.

Comments

I'm so sorry. He must respond to this :S

[not_the_question]

"Thought you weren't a beginner."

The Doctor's arms are crossed and he's looking less than pleased.

<3!

[inthesnogbox]

Clara just gives him that little smile of hers, and shrugs a shoulder. It's nice to be remembered.

"I'm not a beginner."

She gestures vaguely in the direction of her mundane, wherever she might be. "She's a bit slow, though."

[not_the_question]

"Well. Can't expect her to be anything but slow, since you're completely misleading her."

He just gives her a long look.

"Think it through, Clara. Were did we last meet?"

[inthesnogbox]

"What, the diner? Yeah, I know."

Her smile looks a little sad.

"You remembered meeting other companions there, but not me."

[not_the_question]

He offers a smile that was closer to a smirk.

"Clara. I'm a Time Lord. Do you honestly think I don't know when I'm standing inside of a TARDIS?"

[inthesnogbox]

She rolls her eyes a little.

"Clever boy."

Clara shakes her head a little. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. You still didn't remember me, Doctor. You didn't know what I looked like until I showed you who I was."

[not_the_question]

He debates telling her the next bit. Clearly she needs more hand-holding than he'd like.

"You didn't listen. What did I say about you? Humm?"

[inthesnogbox]

"That you would know it was me when you saw me again. Doctor." She gives him a mild look. "You didn't remember me, not really."

[not_the_question]

He offers a soft smile, but there's just a hint of brokenness to it.

"Just because I can't remember you..." he taps the side of his head, "...Doesn't mean I don't know you when I'm looking at you."

Besides, the TARDIS? Dead give-away. He's not an idiot. He knew what he'd find the minute he stepped into the diner.

"I couldn't tell you.... Because you knowing the truth... I thought it would hurt too much."

[inthesnogbox]

"You didn't exactly know me, then, if you couldn't remember me," she counters lightly, smiling through the pain. "You put two and two together and figured out who I must be, but that's not the same."

Yeah, okay, so the diner was a bit of a giveaway.

"It was going to be painful either way. I knew that."

[not_the_question]

Oh, Clara. That just hurts. Why do you say such things? His voice is small and broken. And filled with more pain than he will ever admit to.

"It's all I have left...."

[inthesnogbox]

Oh, that voice. That voice just breaks her heart. Stepping forward, she gently slips her hand into his.

"Hey. It's okay. It's enough."

She shakes her head.

"We both knew you and me wasn't forever. At least you'll still have that song, yeah? The one the story turned into?"

[not_the_question]

He accepts her hand in his. Even gives it a small squeeze.

"What do you have?"

Because that's always what he'll come back to.

"Oh a TARDIS and a companion in Me. But..."

He shakes his head. She has no heartbeat, no actual life within her. All she has to look forward to is her death.

[inthesnogbox]

He's her best friend, she hoped he'd allow her this.

Clara has to admit it's not a lot, and it hadn't been easy to accept, not at first. But she knew she couldn't keep running forever.

Everyone had to face the raven in the end.

"Well, there's the not aging thing. That's kind of nice." Not that he would have noticed it.

[not_the_question]

Well, it hasn't been all that long for him. Besides, she's one to talk. She didn't notice that he was four point five billion years older.

But he winces when she mentions not ageing because that reminds him that she's frozen in time.

"And... how is that going for you?"

So hesitant because, well. The 'no bodily processes thing' was never intended on being something a person had to 'adjust to'.

[inthesnogbox]

Well, she did miss his velvet coat.

Clara meant it as a joke, of course, though it's in slightly poor taste. Her smile fades a little.

"It's... weird. Like I'm not really supposed to be here. I can't stay like this for much longer, can I?"

[not_the_question]

He offers a shrug. "No idea."

Which is true. And that scares him to death. Because while Me had lost the ability to die, Clara was frozen in time.

"What I did... wasn't supposed to be possible."

[inthesnogbox]

She still thinks he went too far, but... it doesn't matter now.

"Well. I can't escape death forever." Clara gives a little nod. "And I'm not going to, anyway. I'm going back to Gallifrey, I'm just, you know..."

She smiles this time. "Taking the long way round."

[not_the_question]

His face falls a bit at that. "Don't joke about that..."

There's a pleading quality to his tone. Because to him, that phrase now means four point five billion years.

[inthesnogbox]

"Sorry."

Clara raises her brow, but her expression is soft.

"I still can't believe you did all of that." And she still disapproves.

"Well hey, at least you won't have to worry about me anymore."

[not_the_question]

Great. Thanks, Clara. Now he's trying not to cry.

"When have I ever given the Time Lords anything they wanted of me?"

Answer: Never. So it wasn't just about her. She was just... motivation. Very, very strong motivation.

"You're right. Just have to worry about how the rest of the universe will handle you and Ashildr having a TARDIS."

And that was his attempt to make light of it. Only... he's absolutely serious. Because he does worry.

[inthesnogbox]

Please don't. That would definitely make her cry. Of the two of them, she's definitely the more likely to cry. And this time, she might not be able to stop.

"I know, but... Doctor, you broke so many of your rules. And it was dangerous to keep me around, because my death is a fixed point in time."

She gives him a mild look. "You won't have to worry about the universe for long. I can't keep running forever. It was just a little wiggle room."

Clara shrugs a shoulder lightly. "I know some part of you probably still blames her, but Ashildr's not so bad. I like her."

[not_the_question]

He scoffs and he can't look at her. "Actually. No. Vesuvius erupting in 79 AD is a Fixed Point. The US terrorist attack of September Eleventh, two-thousand-one is a Fixed Point. But within those are all kinds of points that aren't fixed. This face? I saved the first owner from death in Pompeii."

His features turned scandalised. "Wiggle Room. Oh you are definitely not calling it that."

Really not reassuring the Time Lord, here. And then she says Ashildr isn't so bad? Really, Clara? What did he do it all for anyway?

"She called herself the 'Patron Saint of the Doctor's Leftovers' and then created a street for all of my worst enemies. She is that bad."

The Doctor was angry with her before she created the circumstance for Clara's death. That was just the last straw.

[inthesnogbox]

She frowns a little, studying his face. The Doctor hadn't told her that story before. She'd wondered, of course, why this face. But that doesn't mean she backs down. "Doctor, but it's true. Look - feel my wrist! I still don't have a pulse. How can you keep me around if I'm just a frozen moment in time? I can't go on living like this forever. It's not even living, it's just... being. Never changing."

Clara can't help but smirk a little at that face. "Makes sense though, doesn't it?"

She's just a little more forgiving than he is. Staring your own death right in the face has a way of doing that to a person. "I'm not saying everything she did was right, but... she meant well. And she helped me with the TARDIS. Helped me get to say one last goodbye to you."

[not_the_question]

When she talks about how she's currently experiencing her life he finally looks at her again. "But that's just it, Clara. You lot. You're called human beings for a reason."

He's just not even going to address it. He's the one that does the naming. End of the story. And he's plenty forgiving. He's just still very angry with Ashildr. And her last remark gets him thinking. And that anger might be coming up again.

"Who's idea was it? To move my TARDIS? Do you have any idea what it was like to get back to London and not know where she was?"

[inthesnogbox]

"Yeah, but... living is about changing, too. And human beings are supposed to have changing bodily processes. It just feels wrong, Doctor. I'm sorry." She sighs, shaking her head. "You think I really want to leave? Leaving you is just about one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

He's allowed to be angry with her, but at least if he doesn't truly remember Clara, he won't really remember being so angry with 'Me.' That would be for the best.

Clara hesitates when he brings up the topic of his TARDIS. "You got her back in the end, didn't you? And Rigsy... he wanted to do the graffiti, sort of as a memorial to... to me. I thought it was quite nice."

[not_the_question]

"Well, you spent all that time trying to be me, so I guess you got your wish."

It came out harsh, only because the thought hurts him. And he'd be angry at Me regardless. Since he was able to piece together what happened... well. No matter what he had said as his memory was being wiped, forgetting Clara wasn't his punishment. Having to reconstruct his memory was.

Did she really just say that?

"So, I had been separated from her for over four point five billion years and one of you thought it was a good idea to keep me from her longer?"

Well, now his anger might be directed at Clara...

"You... don't understand my relationship to her, do you?"

[inthesnogbox]

"That's what you do, isn't it? Leave? But you have to eventually, Doctor. Your companions can't stay with you forever."

Definitely not holding his hand anymore. It's an emotionally charged moment, and she's caught somewhere between feeling incredibly sad and just really annoyed at him.

"Well you thought it was a good idea to just... steal me away right at my moment of death, and keep me around for a little while longer. No matter I didn't have a pulse or anything. You're the Doctor, you can fix anything." She shakes her head, that stubborn look in her eyes. "But you can't fix this, Doctor. I don't want you to, anyway."

Clara sighs, turning away. "Unbelievable. We brought your TARDIS back, didn't we? Or didn't you think it was clever to have it there waiting for you? It wasn't like she didn't cooperate. I think she might have even liked me, in the end. Just a bit."

[not_the_question]

This isn't how he wanted this to go. And he's just... so tired. It's hard work having knowledge but not memories of one of his companions. (God-forbid should he ever be confronted with Jamie or Zoe.)

He pulls a hand over his face. But realises there's nothing for it but to explain. He forgot that even Clara had her pudding-brain moments.

"Clara. Do you really think that being trapped somewhere for four point five billion years would make me want to kill a defenceless person? It's because I'd been separated from my TARDIS. A TARDIS and her Time Lord have a symbiotic relationship. And... when there's no one else but the two of you, well. It's more than just symbiotic."

Time Lords (and the Doctor in particular) go a little mental without their TARDIS. He moves so he can stand in front of her. "The TARDIS had gone dormant. Ashildr had taken my key. That has always served as the link between us. Ashildr wasn't worried about any species tracing me. The Time Lords knew that if they put me in that Dial for too long with my key, the TARDIS would find me. She would find a way to get to me."

He sighs heavily. "She went dormant because it was four point five billion years for her too. All that time without me... She couldn't locate me. She might have even thought I had died."

So, no 'eventually' being reunited with her doesn't make him happy. He had wanted to be back with her as soon as possible, but it was delayed.

[inthesnogbox]

And now Clara was starting to get mad at him, too. But she crosses her arms over her arms over her chest and listens, not speaking up until he was finished telling her about the TARDIS.

"Doctor, I'm not daft. I remember the way you'd stroke the console and talk to her, I know how important she is to you - and vice versa." Clara actually knew quite a lot about the Doctor. It probably had something to do with how much she had become like him, herself, and why piloting a TARDIS with Ashildr wasn't as difficult as it might have been for someone who didn't know anything about him.

"To be fair, it's not my fault or Ashildr's fault that you were away from the TARDIS as long as you were!" she snapped, still cross with him for doing that to himself. "Rigsby did the memorial thinking I was dead, and you were never coming back. I mean, he's been dead for billions of years now, too." But that thought makes her sad, and she shakes her head again, pushing it away.

"That's why she brought the TARDIS back to you finally, so I knew she'd be there waiting after I had taken off in my TARDIS. I knew it was important to get her to you... and now you've got her, eh, and you're going to have all these new adventures with her." She shrugs a shoulder lightly, trying not to let it get to her, but... it's still difficult. "You'll find a new companion soon. You shouldn't be alone, Doctor."

[not_the_question]

In the Doctor's mind, Clara has no reason to be upset. He was the one stuck wandering Earth for months without the TARDIS. Not even UNIT knew where she had gone. But, he had done his best to explain it. And he's just tired now.

"Well. I'm not alone since I finally have my TARDIS back."

Four point five billion years in his confession dial. That was alone. This? This is a cake-walk by comparison.

[inthesnogbox]

It's fair to say they're both tired, though Clara doesn't really have any reason to be. She's just a frozen point in time, she shouldn't actually feel the physical exhaustion. It's more of a mental thing than anything else.

But at least she does step up behind him, and gently put a hand on his arm.

"I think you still need someone. Someone to remind you to be the Doctor since I won't be around to do it. Someone to ask questions and be amazed at all the worlds with you. You're starting over, in a way. Even got a new screwdriver."

[not_the_question]

He reaches a shaky hand to rest on top of hers. He remembers doing this and surmises it must have been with her, since there's a gap in the memory.

"If I'm starting over, might be time to go it alone for a bit..."