The Twelfth Doctor [Doctor Who] (
sonicseverything) wrote in
dear_mun2015-11-22 07:52 pm
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Spoilers for 9X10 of Doctor Who in comments.
[The Doctor sits tapping a rhythm only he can hear and then he looks up.]
No...no I won't go somewhere else not now.
No...no I won't go somewhere else not now.

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[The Doctor looks at her hard]
You are so breakable you humans. I forget that sometimes.
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Did something happen?
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Clara died.
[The Doctor's voice is soft and lost]
So breakable and yet so brave...just like you.
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(Of course, she doesn't really know Clara.) I'm reckless, not brave. And as for breakable...well, I suppose so. People just are. Some more so than others... (Then she pauses and her voice goes quiet when speaks again.) And I have the feeling she was actually a brave person.
...I'm sorry.
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I never asked you to.
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[He looks up again and is torn between scowling and crying.]
Didn't ask me anything, don't know you.
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Doctor, I promise you, you know me. And I know you. I am your Friend Ship. I have been with you since the moment you decided to leave Gallifrey and I will be with you until our deaths, if Trenzalore holds true.
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[The Doctor looks up again and he is crying.]
I had to leave you behind....I'm sorry.
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Not the first time and it will not be the last. I prefer you leaving me behind to sending me away.
[Especially when his words to the companions are 'let the TARDIS die.' Since it would take literally tens of thousands of years for that to happen. But she wouldn't be her if she didn't offer some hope.]
You will come back, though. We know that from the preview. Even apologise for being late. Which is how I know just how much this all will affect you.
[And her hand comes up again. Seeing her Time Lord in tears, well, emotions are a strange thing for her to experience in this form. She doesn't have the control over them she wishes she did. She can't hold in her own tears. And her hand rises again, seemingly of it's own will. It hovers there in mid-air, as she waits for some sign from him about what he needs from her.]
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[The Doctor reaches out slowly and takes the offered hand and squeezes it gently.]
I should have slowed down. Enjoyed my time with her more.
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You wouldn't have enjoyed slowing down. Even Time moves too slow for you.
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[He chuckles sadly and nods. She always did know him better than most.]
Clara picked that up from me. Why do I let them change...become like me. They aren't meant for that.
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[She has so much love for her Pilot. It breaks her hear to know there is nothing she can truly offer him.]
You're so focused on how you change them... But, I am perhaps the only one who has had the privilege to see how they have changed you.
[And her experience goes back to the beginning.]
All of you are like rivers, Doctor. And when you step foot into one, it is forever changed because you become part of that river, no matter how long or short of time you are in it. You change them and they change you.
Do not dishonour any of their memories by saying you wouldn't want them to change you. Do not insult their experiences by saying you wouldn't want them to change.
You are the Doctor and you make people better.
[That last statement is spoken softly, but there is such an intensity of her belief behind it. She will never doubt her Pilot. Ever.]
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Me deserved a good life too...I don't regret that.
[The Doctor looks at Davros unafraid]
I regret I clung to Clara when I should have let her go.