I've always been proud of you. Always. Don't ever doubt it. [As much as he's berated her for her humanity, for that little brain of hers -- the one that always seems to surprise him with its complexity, the uniqueness of her ideas even if he's never said as much -- he's never not been proud of her. Not even when she was yelling at him or scolding him or rolling her eyes at him in undisguised exasperation. They lived for those moments.]
[He's loved her for them and now she's gone.] And maybe in a few days or months or years from now I'll remember just how proud of you I am but, at the moment, I - I'm really struggling here, Clara. I'm trying so hard not to be furious with you. With everyone.
[Her face falls a bit at his words. They touch her, but she can see how angry he is.] Please don't be angry with me, Doctor. Or anyone else. I made this decision. It was my choice. It may have been strategic, and reckless, and stupid, but it was my stupid choice to make. And I paid the price. But a little girl was about to grow up without her father. I couldn't allow that. You wouldn't have, either.
Lots of little girls grow up without fathers. What's one more? [This isn't her Doctor talking right now, not one she'd recognise. It's a nasty, selfish part of him that she's helped to keep at bay, that she always managed to contain whenever it reared its ugly head. He makes a convincing show of making it seem like the only thing left inside him.]
[Except for a distinct, tremulous wobble to his chin that threatens to undo him completely.] They'll survive without them, they always have. But me, Clara? What am I going to do without you?
yes, I will share tissues while I throw things at dw for no notify. ðŸ˜
Doctor... [It hurts her to hear him talk like this. But she knows it's not him. Not really. He would never want that, for any child.
She sees that wobble in his chin, and shakes her head.] You'll do what you always, do, Doctor. You'll get in your Tardis and run. And don't look bad. Have new adventures. And just keep being you. Keep being a doctor, not a warrior or a hero. Keep making other people's lives better. Just like you made mine better.
Just getting all of this out now before I explode from the over-abundance of feels ~ T__T
[He's loved her for them and now she's gone.] And maybe in a few days or months or years from now I'll remember just how proud of you I am but, at the moment, I - I'm really struggling here, Clara. I'm trying so hard not to be furious with you. With everyone.
brb. crying my eyes out again.
i hope you're sharing those tissues /wibble
[Except for a distinct, tremulous wobble to his chin that threatens to undo him completely.] They'll survive without them, they always have. But me, Clara? What am I going to do without you?
yes, I will share tissues while I throw things at dw for no notify. ðŸ˜
She sees that wobble in his chin, and shakes her head.] You'll do what you always, do, Doctor. You'll get in your Tardis and run. And don't look bad. Have new adventures. And just keep being you. Keep being a doctor, not a warrior or a hero. Keep making other people's lives better. Just like you made mine better.