ex-posted from dear player because I can't resist

[boomsticking]

...So you're telling me in thirty years I'm gonna be a pothead with a lizard and a trailer and a shittier job than I already have who screws the pooch by saying the words while trying to nail a broad.

...Fuck it. I'm staying in the thirteen hundreds.

Comments

[ashnotashley]

God, and here I thought what they did to the not really me was bad...

[boomsticking]

At least not-you got a sweet saw out of the damn deal. What do I end up with? A lizard!

[detoxes]

Eli's super cute. Leave him out of this.

[boomsticking]

HAH! I'll leave him out of it when he stops being my weird kid surrogate...thing.

[detoxes]

I'll take him if you don't want him.

[boomsticking]

...We can share him. Maybe.

[detoxes]

Sharing is for squares.

[boomsticking]

[Now he just deliberately blows a raspberry at her.]

You share plenty with me, babe.

[detoxes]

Tough break.

[She's trying really hard not to laugh. Because it sounds ridiculous.]

[boomsticking]

[Cue glower.]

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up babe.

[detoxes]

Sorry. [Not sorry.] Can't help it. It just sounds ridiculous is all.

[boomsticking]

[He so knows you're not sorry, Mia.]

You cut your tongue in half with a box cutter and somehow got healed by getting shoved into the ground. THAT'S ridiculous.

[IS THIS GOING TO BE CANON KNOIFY SPOONY MIA?]

[detoxes]

[Squint.]

I swear to god - I feel like you keep making half this shit up. I told you a million times - the hell if I fucking remember anything that supposedly happened to me.

[A beat.] ...How do you even know what happened to me? You weren't even there.

[Yeah. She's fuzzy on the details.]

[boomsticking]

[The world's biggest eyeroll, mi, just the biggest.]

Same way I know about older me and that damn trailer.

[He nudges her.]

Besides, worse shit's happened to you on my watch. Sadly.

[detoxes]

...Don't remind me.

[There's a noticeable shift in her attitude at the mention of it.]

[boomsticking]

[Cue the Guilty Feelings Face.]

Hey. 'Least I've got your back.

Ash!

[drunkwashout]

Sounds like a good idea to me, brother. But if I were you, I'd want to be right here in the twenty first century, drinking a mojito.

Sam!

[boomsticking]

Hah, why stick around here when I can go back there and be treated like a god by a hot chick with a great rack who actually thinks I'm kinda noble?

...Nice shirt, by the way.

[drunkwashout]

Why? Because it's easy for guys like us to get lady-friends today.

Also, I've got three words for you: running water, electricity, and convertibles, baby. Okay, so four words, but modern civilization is a hell of a lot better than the dark ages.

Thank you. And might I just add that you are one damn good-looking man.

[boomsticking]

Hah! Extra 'lady friends' 're the problem, apparently. Mun says I should've stuck with the one who was into roleplay. Don't ask me where she gets her info.

Got the wheels, could probably invent the last two. And I've gotta say it again - hot chick who thinks I'm the king.

[When she's not smacking him in the mush.]

I'd give credit to my mama, but that'd be stiffing God.

[Of course he just called himself Godlike.]