A memo masterpiece with a cast of thousands... or, okay, of seven

[almostexclusivelyornery]

PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 1 HOUR AGO opened memo on board DEAR_MUN.

PCG: DEAR MUN.
PCG: IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY REDROM LIFE.
PCG: I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU:
PCG: STOP.
PCG: DO YOU SEE THAT WORD? DO YOU SEE IT? IF THERE IS ONLY ONE WORD IN THIS ENTIRE FUCKING MEMO THAT YOU ACTUALLY READ AFTER YOU STOP TYPING IT AS MY SIMPERING PROXY, I PRAY TO YOUR FAKE BUT APPARENTLY SOMEHOW STILL WELL-RESPECTED ALIEN GOD FOR IT TO BE THAT ONE.
PCG: DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH I'VE LEARNED ABOUT YOUR BULLSHIT EXCUSE FOR CULTURE HERE.
PCG: NOT ONLY HAVE I LEARNED WHAT YOUR SPECIES HAS ARBITRARILY SELECTED TO BE THE APPROPRIATE COLOR TO ASSOCIATE WITH THE IDEA OF STOPPING
PCG: (BECAUSE THERE IS NO METHOD I WON'T RESORT TO IF IT MEANS GETTING IT THROUGH YOUR THIN THINK PAN SHELL)
PCG: BUT ONCE I CAN ACTUALLY GET ANY OF THE OTHER PATHETIC EXCUSES FOR MUSES HERE TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY EXISTENCE BEYOND DISGUST AND FEAR, I WILL GATHER THE MATERIALS FOR MY SACRIFICE IN THE CUSTOMARY EARTH MANNER TO YOUR FALSE ALIEN GOD.
PCG: MAN, I REALLY FUCKING WISH I COULD TALK TO HIM, BECAUSE APPARENTLY HE'S A HELL OF A LOT BETTER AT CONVINCING HIS FOLLOWERS TO RESPECT HIM AT ALL THAN I AM.
PCG: THEY ALL OBTAIN APPROPRIATE SURROUNDINGS OF INORDINATELY BRIGHT PAPERS AND FABRICS FOR THEIR SACRIFICES, WHICH I GUESS IS BECAUSE THE PROTECTIVE BOXES YOU PUT THE THINGS INTO AREN'T ALWAYS STRONG ENOUGH.
PCG: I MEAN IT DOESN'T MAKE A LOT OF SENSE TO ME REALLY BECAUSE THEY SEEM EVEN FLIMSIER THAN THE CARDBOARD.
PCG: MAYBE THEY REINFORCE THEM OR SOMETHING.
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG2] 50 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG2: FUTURE SPOILERS FOR YOU, SHITHEAD.
PCG2: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE COMPLETELY WRONG!!
PCG: WHAT??? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
PCG: WE GOT IT STRAIGHT FROM THE WEIRD HEADDRESS CHICK HERSELF!
PCG: SHE'S POSSESSED BY TWO ANGELS AND EVERYTHING!
PCG2: OKAY, I KNOW IT SOUNDS WEIRD THAT SHE COULD BE WRONG, BUT HEAR ME OUT.
PCG2: I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT THEY'RE NOT SACRIFICES AT ALL?
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG3] 40 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG3: IT'S A REAL FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT THAT I CAN ONLY RESOLVE THIS DEBATE BY MEANS OF A PARADOXICAL SELF-CORRECTION.
PCG3: BUT
PCG3: LOOK
PCG3: HAVE EITHER OF YOU EVEN BOTHERED TO RECALL THE BROAD WITH THE ROBES AND SHIT IS FROM THAT ONE EARTH COUNTRY THAT ISN'T AMERICA AT ALL?
PCG: WHAT IS WITH HUMANS AND JAPAN???
PCG: OKAY, SO EVEN THEN. HE HAS THIS WHOLE CULT DEDICATED TO HIM AND THIS ISN'T THE POINT.
PCG2: RIGHT. YOU'VE GOT TO AVOID DRAGGING YOURSELF DOWN IN THE MIRES OF THESE NARCISSISTIC COMPARISONS AND STICK TO THE FUCKING MESSAGE.
PCG: WHICH IS THAT THIS WHOLE POKING INTO MY REDROM LIFE THAT THIS MUN I HAVE IS DOING IS FUCKED UP AND NEEDS TO STOP.
PCG3: YEAH. IT'S A SERIOUS VIOLATION OF PRIVACY.
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG4] 30 MINUTES AGO began responding to memo.
PCG4: I REMEMBER HOW IT FELT, BEING ALL OF YOU ASSHOLES.
PCG4: NODDING ALONG WITH MY OTHER SELVES, THINKING WE WERE ACTUALLY AGREEING FOR ONCE, LIKE WE WERE A HERD OF WOOLBEASTS.
PCG4: HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO INCREDIBLY STUPID AS TO THINK THAT ACTUALLY WOULD HAPPEN.
PCG4: BUT THAT'S KIND OF PAST KARKAT'S THING, SO I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED.
PCG2: OKAY, LAY WHATEVER PIECE OF SHIT YOU'VE GOT IN STORE ON ME.
PCG2: US.
PCG3: WHATEVER GET THIS OVER WITH.
PCG4: HAS IT OCCURRED TO ANY OF YOU IDIOTS THE PROBLEMS WITH WHAT YOU'RE PROPOSING?
PCG: WHAT, THAT OUR MUN LEAVE OUR PRIVATE LIFE WELL ENOUGH ALONE? YEAH, ALL THE PROBLEMS HAVE OCCURRED TO ME.
PCG: ALL ZERO OF THEM.
PCG4: YOU KNOW WHAT JUST GIVE ME A SECOND
PCG4 banned PCG from responding to memo.
PCG4 banned PCG2 from responding to memo.
PCG3: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR, ASSHOLE?
PCG3 banned PCG4 from responding to memo.
PCG4 unbanned himself from responding to memo.
PCG4: OKAY, LISTEN.
PCG4: I GET WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM WITH THE WHOLE PRIVATE LIFE THING.
PCG4: I WAS YOU LITERALLY FORTY MINUTES AGO, HOW COULD I NOT KNOW THAT.
PCG4: BUT I'VE REALIZED SOME IMPORTANT THINGS SINCE THEN.
PCG4: EVEN THOUGH THAT HAPPENED ALMOST ENTIRELY FROM PARADOXICALLY BEING TOLD THEM BY MY FUTURE SELF.
PCG3: HEY, DO YOU KNOW HOW YOU SOLVE THE PART WHERE YOU LEARN HOW TO UNBAN YOURSELF? BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I CHECKED THAT COULD ONLY BE ACCOMPLISHED BY ***NOTHING***.
PCG4: SHUT THE FUCK UP, THAT COMES LATER.
PCG4: OF COURSE I KNOW WHY YOU WOULDN'T WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW EVERY LITTLE DETAIL ABOUT US.
PCG4: BUT HAVE YOU EVEN REALIZED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOUR OWN *WRITER* DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE?
PCG3: UH
PCG3: I GUESS I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT
PCG3: IT MEANS SHE GIVES US OUR PRIVACY?
PCG3: THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS FIGURED I WANTED OUT OF IT, I MEAN
PCG3: AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GETTING PLAYED IN ANY REDROM ANYWAY, SO WHY DOES IT MATTER?
PCG4: THAT'S EXACTLY THE PROBLEM!
PCG4: IT MEANS YOU *CAN'T* BE PLAYED WITH A BALANCE BETWEEN HATE AND PITY, DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT!
PCG4: JUST FORGET FOR A FLYING FUCKING MOMENT ABOUT HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE YOUR STUPID ALIEN SECRETARY KNOW OR NOT KNOW YOUR MOST PERSONAL FEELINGS
PCG4: HAVE YOU EVER REALIZED WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO NOT KNOW *YOUR OWN* PERSONAL FEELINGS?
PCG3: I DON'T KNOW, I HAVEN'T REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT TOO MUCH
PCG3: IT'S JUST A LITTLE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD, CAN IT?
PCG3: I MEAN, I'VE GOTTEN STABBED BEFORE. A LOT OF FUCKING TIMES ACTUALLY
PCG3: AND THE GILLS. YOU REMEMBER THE GILLS. IN FACT UNLESS SOME REALLY WEIRD MEDICAL SHIT HAPPENED, YOU PROBABLY STILL EVEN HAVE THE GILLS, DON'T YOU!!!
PCG4: YEAH YEAH, FUCKING HIGHBLOODS WITH THEIR CLAWS. TOTALLY NOT FAIR.
PCG4: THE POINT IS THAT NOT KNOWING FEELS TOTALLY FUCKING AWFUL, AND YOU SHOULD REALIZE THAT.
PCG3: WELL I GUESS NOW THAT YOU MENTION THAT IT DOESN'T EXACTLY FEEL AWESOME OR ANYTHING
PCG3: IT'S A KIND OF
PCG3: EMPTY FEELING I GUESS
PCG3: SCREAMING JEGUS, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING ME THINK ABOUT IT?
PCG3: IS THERE SOME PARADOX YOU NEED TO CAUSE WITH THE REQUIRED GOAL OF MAKING ME SOUND LIKE SOME PRETENTIOUS JADEBLOOD IN THEIR DESERT CAVE OR WHATEVER WRITING IN THEIR PRIVATE EMOTION TRANSCRIPTION VOLUME "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME" OR SOMETHING
PCG3: OR "I NEED TO BE ALONE"
PCG3: YOU'RE ACTUALLY MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I NEED TO BE ALONE WHEN I'M ALREADY TALKING TO MYSELF, I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD, YOU RAGING FUTURE SHITSPAWN.
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW began responding to memo.
CCG: WAS I SERIOUS WHEN I SAID THIS?
CCG: I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW.
CCG: PCG4, BACK ME UP, YOU'RE CLOSER TO PCG3 IN THE TIMELINE.
CCG: DOES PAST ME SERIOUSLY WANT TO BE ALONE?
CCG: BECAUSE I CAN ARRANGE THAT.
PCG3: WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK ARE YOU DOING
CCG: OKAY, THAT SETTLES THIS, THE TIMESTAMPS SAY YOU NEED TO GO START BEING PCG4 ALREADY ANYWAY.
CCG banned PCG3 from responding to memo.
PCG4: I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL REMAINING MES WHO AREN'T RAGING SUPERIOR ASSHOLES WHEN I ASK WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK IS GOING ON.
CCG: IT'S
CCG: JUST FUTURE STUFF, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
CCG: YOU'LL PROBABLY GET IT IF YOU THINK LONG ENOUGH ABOUT IT ANYWAY
CCG: I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT NEWS
PCG4: STRIDER DIED AND MADE US LEADER?
CCG: HEH
CCG: SOMETHING LIKE THAT
CCG: BUT NOT EXACTLY
CCG: THE WRITER MADE A DECISION.
PCG4: OH
PCG4: WELL
PCG4: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN FOR US???
CCG: YOU ALREADY KNOW NOW, DON'T YOU?
CCG: CONSIDER YOUR RESPONSE VERY FUCKING CAREFULLY, EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT FUCKING IS BECAUSE I WROTE IT.
PCG4: CAN YOU LAY OFF ON THE EXISTENTIAL PARADOX BULLSHIT FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS AND GET TO THE POINT
CCG: WE'RE LITERALLY MADE OF NOTHING BUT EXISTENTIAL PARADOX BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW, NUMBNOOK.
CCG: DO WE EVEN HAVE MORE THAN, WHAT, THREE FUCKING CEPHALIC SURFACE SQUARES?
CCG: BUT FINE. I WILL GRACEFULLY RAISE THE ENGRAVED FLAME CRUCIBLE OF THE FUTURE KARKAT CONSPIRACY AND OFFER IT TO YOU SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO BE PASSED IT.
PCG4: WAIT, SO THERE LITERALLY FUCKING IS A FUTURE KARKAT CONSPIRACY???
PCG4: ;KJFSD;KJDSFWE J:;FSDBXJB
PCG4: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!!!!!
PCG4: A;JKSDFJKASJKDXCIVUPMN,XC
PCG4: I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW THAT I CAN BARELY EVEN FUCKING TYPE
CCG: DIPSHIT, IT WAS A METAPHOR!!!
CCG: LOOK
CCG: THE TRUTH, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT
CCG: IS JUST
CCG: WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT NONE OF US COULD
PCG4: .....................
PCG4: SO YOU MEAN HAVING AN ACTUAL CONSPIRACY IS BULLSHIT
PCG4: ALL YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT BY RECOGNIZING THIS I'VE BEEN INDUCTED INTO THE ARMY OF MY GUTLESS FUTURE SELVES
CCG: YEAH.
CCG: THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM SAYING.
PCG4: WOW.
PCG4: I REALLY DIDN'T THINK ANYONE COULD DRAG ME AROUND BY THE SHAME GLOBES MORE THAN MY SPADESQUEEZE DOES BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG.
PCG4: AM I SERIOUSLY DOOMED NOW TO NEVER GET TO SAY ANYTHING?
CCG: HEY, OUR KISMESIS IS A REALLY FUCKING PRESUMPTUOUS BASTARD, I WOULDN'T UNDERESTIMATE HIM.
CCG: REMEMBER WHAT ALMOST HAPPENED WITH THE FINS?
PCG4: IN WHAT KIND OF SICK AND TERRIBLE CIRCLE OF TROLL HELL WOULD I NOT?
PCG4: OF COURSE I REMEMBER
PCG4: WELL
PCG4: REALLY
PCG4: REALLY FUCKING WELL
CCG: NOT THE GOOD PART, IDIOT, THE PART THAT ALMOST WENT REALLY BADLY
CCG: THAT PART
PCG4: OH
PCG4: I GUESS YOU HAVE A POINT
PCG5 3410 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PCG5: UH, GUYS?
PCG5: I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BE READING THIS MEMO BECAUSE
PCG5: BUT WHAT THE EVER PITYING FUCK ARE WE DOING MENTIONING WHO SEEMS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKELY TO BE THE MALE SEADWELLER ON OUR TEAM IN A WAY ANYWHERE REMOTELY CONCEIVABLE AS IN CONTACT WITH ONE OF OUR QUADRANTS?
PCG5: SERIOUSLY, MES? *ERIDAN???*
FUTURE carcinoGeticist [FCG] 1 YEAR FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: OKAY, THERE ARE OFFICIALLY TOO MANY MES IN THIS MEMO.
FCG: PAST ME, WE HAVE FUTURE STUFF TO DISCUSS.
FCG: MORE PAST ME, YOU'VE HAD YOUR REVELATION.
FCG: REALLY FUCKING PAST ME, SHUT THE YOUR WAIL FAUCET RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, I MADE A MEMO ON THIS LIKE 3140 HOURS AGO, YOU'RE GOING TO SEE IT SHOW UP IN LIKE A WEEK OR SOMETHING.
FCG: SO JUST KEEP YOUR LOWER BODY GARMENTS ON FOR NOW.
PCG4: YOU KNOW, SEEING THIS AS THE FIRST THING ANYONE SAID TO ME ABOUT THAT SHIP EXPLAINS SO MUCH ABOUT HOW IT STARTED
PCG5: WAIT, WHAT?????
FCG banned PCG5 from responding to memo.
FCG: DUDE THAT WAS A REALLY BULGEHEADED MOVE. THAT'S A REALLY SERIOUS LEVEL OF MESSING WITH YOURSELF THERE
FCG: AND I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT OUT OF SHAME REMEMBERING THAT I DID IT FIRST.
PCG4: YEAH, I KNOW IT WAS FOUL. IT WENT SO FAR BELOW THE WAIST RESTRAINT BAND IT'S CLOSER TO DEALING WITH THE FOOT SLEEVES.
PCG4: HOW ABOUT I MAKE UP FOR IT BY SAVING YOU THE TROUBLE OF BANNING ME FOR IT?
PCG4 banned himself from responding to memo.
FCG: UH, THANKS I GUESS.
FCG: DID I REALLY DO SOMETHING THAT CLOSE TO PASSING FOR ANYWHERE NEAR POLITE? MAN, IT'S WEIRD WRITING THESE MEMOS WITHOUT BEING ON ONE SIDE FRESH IN MY PAN.
CCG: HEY, I ACTUALLY WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THAT, IF WE'RE ABLE TO HAVE SERIOUS FUTURE STUFF DISCUSSIONS NOW.
CCG: IS YOUR POINT IN THE TIMELINE REALLY WHAT YOUR TIMESTAMP SAYS IT IS?
FCG: YEAH, WHY WOULDN'T IT BE.
FCG: DO YOU REALLY THINK OUR MUN WOULD PUT INACCURATE TIMESTAMPS ONTO OUR MEMOS JUST TO FUCK WITH US???
CCG: .........................
FCG: OKAY DON'T ANSWER THAT.
FCG: ANYWAY YEAH THAT TIMESTAMP IS RIGHT. THERE WAS AN UPDATE.
CCG: OH, REALLY?
CCG: WE ACTUALLY SURVIVE ON THAT FLYING DEATHROCK FOR A WHOLE "YEAR"?
CCG: DO WE GET TROLLIAN WORKING AGAIN?
CCG: DO WE EVER GET TO FOLLOW UP ON
CCG: YOU KNOW
CCG: ALL THOSE LOGS THAT THE SCRATCH CUT SHORT
CCG: BECAUSE I MEAN TEN HOURS AND TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES REALLY ISN'T LONG ENOUGH TO TELL THEM EVERYTHING THEY NEEDED TO KNOW
CCG: AND WEREN'T THERE MORE DREAMBUBBLES AND SHIT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE WITH THEM?
CCG: HAS ANY OF THAT HAPPENED YET?
CCG: WHO AM I KIDDING, OF COURSE IT HAS, ISN'T THAT YOUR NEWS?
CCG: WHAT OTHER KIND OF NEWS COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE?
CCG: HELLO?????
FCG: ...............
FCG: I'M ACTUALLY BLAMING RECENT PAST ME EVEN MORE THAN YOU-PAST-ME FOR THINKING ANY PAST ME COULD POSSIBLY BE CIVIL AND REASONABLE, AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.
FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.
FCG: AND NOW I'M BLAMING THE ME I WAS LITERALLY JUST A SECOND AGO EVEN MORE, WHAT THE FLYING FUCK KARKAT!!!
FCG: WHY DID I HAVE TO BAN HIM???
FCG: I GUESS I JUST DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT.
FCG: THERE SHOULD NEVER BE MORE THAN TWO KARKATS IN A MEMO AT ANY GIVEN TIME, WE JUST START CHOKING ON OUR OWN FECES AT THAT POINT.
FCG: SO, MUN.
FCG: YEAH, YOU. ALIEN GIRL TYPING THIS AT 12:40 IN YOUR EARTH MORNING.
FCG: IT'S JUST US NOW.
FCG: JUST US SO I CAN GO BACK TO THIS I GUESS.
FCG: I'M KIND OF MAD THAT DOUCHEBAG CALLING HIMSELF CURRENT KARKAT STOLE THE IDEA, ACTUALLY, HOW THE FUCK DID HE DO THAT.
FCG: BUT THAT'S OFF TOPIC.
FCG: THIS IS ABOUT THE UPDATE.
FCG: OF ALL THE THINGS THAT COULD SPUR YOU TO ACTUALLY REGISTER MY ACCOUNT HERE, IT HAD TO BE THIS? REALLY?
FCG: HADN'T THAT WHOLE TRAIN ALREADY KIND OF LEFT THE STATION, LIKE, A DOZEN UPDATES AGO?
FCG: DOES IT REALLY HAVE TO BE RIGHT NOW THAT YOU MAKE ME EXPRESS MYSELF ON IT? AS FAR AS I'VE BEEN ABLE TO TELL YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CONTACTS WITH SKAIA'S FOIL OR A NOBLE CIRCLE TELLING YOU IT HAS TO HAPPEN RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
FCG: LOOK
FCG: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
FCG: I MEAN, I GUESS I HAVE SOME SICK SUBCONSCIOUS DESIRE TO OR ELSE I WOULDN'T HAVE STARTED THIS MEMO IN THE FIRST PLACE
FCG: BUT
FCG: WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO SAY?
FCG: IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING, IS IT?
FCG: MISSED MY FUCKING CHANCE FOR THAT APPARENTLY.
FCG: CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT THAT NOW
FCG: SO
FCG: JUST
FCG: SHUT UP ABOUT IT, OK?
FCG: I JUST
FCG: NEED SOME TIME TO RECOVER
FCG: TECHNICALLY I'VE HAD THAT IN CANON NOW, I GUESS, A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR
FCG: AND I'M DOING A PRETTY GOOD JOB OF IT
FCG: SO YEAH, THAT SETTLES THAT.
FCG: AND I GUESS THIS IS ALSO THE PART WHERE I THANK YOU FOR PREDICTING HOW MUCH OF AN IMMATURE DESPERATE DOUCHEBAG "FOURTEEN YEAR OLD" KARKAT IS.
FCG: BECAUSE THAT STATE IS JUST SO SUPERIOR TO COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW YOU OVEREXTRAPOLATE THOSE TRAITS FROM MY SIX SWEEPS OLD SELF.
FCG: AT LEAST ONE OF US GETS TO FEEL VALIDATED BY THAT.
FCG: WOO FUCKING HOO.
FCG: THERE YOU HAVE IT. HUMAN CON-FUCKING-GRATULATIONS AND GOOD NIGHT.
FCG banned himself from responding to memo.

Comments

[nukeoleptic]

its not that im trying to avoid a straightforward answer
i promise thats not it
i just really dont know what to say to something like that
to all of that

i guess part of me is just happy that you can even feel that way
URGH no that sounded really really rude, hold on
its just that you have changed a lot since we first started talking
in a GOOD way
and i am glad that we met, too, and glad that you were the blood player to my witch
you are a really interesting guy, karkat, and a really good guy, too
even if you dont see that in yourself sometimes

but even with all that.....
i still barely know you
and you dont really know me, either
do you understand what im saying????
its not that....
lkjadlkfajsd alkdjfalslkajsf
alsjasjdfaklsdj
lkajdsflkajsdlkfjalksdjf!!!!!!!!

[almostexclusivelyornery]

WELL, YEAH, I DO.
THOSE ARE ALL VERY VALID POINTS.
I GUESS THE TIME IS JUST REALLY EASY TO OVERLOOK. IT TOOK OVER A YEAR TO GET THROUGH IN CANON, AND I DON'T THINK THEY EVEN SHOWED EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAD.
NOT TO MENTION THE LAB IS IN THE FURTHEST RING, SO WHO KNOWS HOW THAT FUCKS THINGS UP. AND ALL THOSE STABLE TIME LOOPS YOU HAD DAVE MAKE.

TAKING THAT IN STRIDE, THOUGH, I CONCEDE I MAY BE OVERSTATING MY CASE, AND THAT ARGUABLY OUR AMOUNT OF ACQUAINTANCE MERITS SOMETHING MORE IN THE RANGE OF "I FIND YOU FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE, MAYBE IF YOU'RE FREE WE SHOULD DO A THING", OR "YOU'RE PRETTY COOL, WE SHOULD GO OUT SOME TIME."

BUT WOULDN'T THAT SEEM LIKE A HUGE FUCKING ANTICLIMAX AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH?
ALL HTAT DESTINY AND UNIVERSE CROSSING AND EVERYTHING, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO JUST SAY "HEY, DO YOU WANT TO GRAB A STIMULANT BEVERAGE?"
BESIDES, HOW THE FUCK WOULD WE EVEN DO THAT, LITERALLY. "HEY, THERE'S THIS STIMULANT SHOP MEME UP, CHECK OUT MY THREAD IF YOUR MUN HAS TIME" OR SOMETHING?
SO I FIGURE IF I'M ALREADY GOING TO MAKE A BRAZEN PROPOSITIONING FOOL OF MYSELF, I MIGHT AS WELL AT LEAST BE ROMANTIC ABOUT IT.

[nukeoleptic]

you are right
i mean, i know you are right, they dont show all the conversations that any of us had
honestly i have kind of been sitting here because i dont know how to respond
or what i want to say
or even what i SHOULD say in a situation like this
i guess....
i should say thank you?
something like that means a lot
especially coming from someone like you
i know admitting this couldnt have been easy ._.
so thanks

[almostexclusivelyornery]

I
YOU'RE WELCOME?
OH MY GOD.
I'M SORRY. IT MUST BE GETTING REALLY OBVIOUS THAT I PRETTY MUCH DIDN'T PLAN FUCKALL AFTER THE WHOLE CONFESSION PART.
MOSTLY BECAUSE
WELL
IT DOESN'T REALLY SURPRISE ME THAT YOU'RE NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY, BECAUSE I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY EITHER.
AS MUCH AS I MIGHT HAVE LIKED TO HEAR "YES KARKAT TAKE ME INTO THE MOONSET ONTO YOUR HOOFBEAST!!! <3"
IF YOU WERE REALLY THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WOULD JUST SAY THAT I'M NOT SURE I'D EVEN

BASICALLY YEAH, IT'S PRETTY MUCH THE FURTHEST FUCKING THING FROM EASY.
"EASY" IS SOMEWHERE ON A PLANET JUST OUTSIDE THE REACHES OF THE ALTERNIAN EMPIRE, THAT PROBABLY GOT DESTROYED WHEN OUR UNIVERSE DIED.
JUST
AS LONG AS YOU DON'T HATE ME FOR ALL THIS SHIT I'M SAYING
(...PLATONICALLY? I MEAN, I COULD STILL PROBABLY WORK WITH ROMANTIC HATRED BUT I'M NOT EXACTLY EXPECTING THAT)
THEN AT LEAST THIS ISN'T A TOTAL FAILURE.

[nukeoleptic]

i dont have you, dumbass
platonically or romatically.... i guess i should probably qualify with that??
i guess you were at an advantage, karkat!!
you were able to see us. our whole lives, if you wanted
but you were just a really angry dude to me for a long time!
obviously that changed but
well
i look forward to getting to meet you in person, ok?
when this shit with the meteor and the ship and the new universe is over
and maybe we can all have a little peace and actually get to know each other

<3

[almostexclusivelyornery]

YEAH QUALIFYING IS PROBABLY GOOD.
IT'S NOT LIKE I GOT TO SEE THAT MUCH THOUGH.
I MEAN, I ONLY HAD TEN HOURS, I HAD TO PRIORITIZE.

[It is proooobably for the best that his feelings for Jade developed after he got over the whole watching your entire life unfold stage.]

AND I HAD TO AT LEAST GET THROUGH YOUR SPECIES' VERSION OF A CERTAIN ROMANTIC COMEDY INVOLVING THE HUMAN TROLL JOHN CUSACK.
THAT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD, YOU SHOULD WATCH IT IF YOU HAVEN'T.
I MEAN, I'M PRETTY SURE I STILL HAVE THE COPY OF IT I OBTAINED.

[Not that he's suggesting they watch it together or anything]

SO ASIDE FROM HOW IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO TAKE A REALLY LONG TIME FOR US TO GET INTO THE NEW UNIVERSE, AS IN MONTHS FOR THE MUNS AND YEARS FOR US
AND HOW UNLIKELY IT IS WE'RE GOING TO END UP IN THE SAME GAME
(THAT ROXY SLURRED SOMETHING ABOUT THERE ALREADY BEING ANOTHER KARKAT WHERE YOU ARE? AND MY MUN KEEPS ACTING LIKE I'M NOT REALLY GOING ANYWHERE ANYWAY)
I GUESS ALL THAT STUFF YOU SAID GOES FOR ME 100% TOO.



[....................dammit Jade why did you have to send that last bit

stupid
pitiful
Jade

WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO?!??!?!?!

So he spends like thirty seconds just staring at it before... finally....]

<3

[nukeoleptic]

hehehe, yeah, you are right
but thats not going to stop me from being excited :P
and if we are ever in the same place with a john cusack movie
maaaaybe i will bite the bullet and watch it with you...

[ She's pretty much onto you there, Karkat. ]

and yes, you are in the place with me and roxy!
but honestly ive only really talked to you once since i got there
i always just kind of got the impression that you didnt actually like me that much at all
or maybe it has something to do with canon points.. or who knows :/



[sob Jade. There are implications to text hearts, girl.]

I am so sorry for him please ignore him I am sure your Karkat is a wonderful person

[almostexclusivelyornery]

[Hey, he recognizes that a text heart is not an ascii circular gem setting. Like really in the current situation if he was sure she would take it that way, he wouldn't have done it. Even though he himself uses it conserva.......... JUST SHUT UP THAT WHOLE THING IS NOW AN ENTIRE COMMENT AGO.]

IT'S A D [He totally typed "DATE" and then deleted it but accidentally pressed enter after that so:]
EAL.

[He would probably type the emote \:B if he used them more liberally, at this point. BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN LITERALLY TYPING THIS ENTIRE TIME...?]

SERIOUSLY?
DID HE ONLY JUST GET THERE OR SOMETHING?
DIRK AND ROXY BOTH SAID THEY HADN'T MET HIM AT ALL.
MY MUN IS TELLING ME THIS IS RUDE FOR SOME REASON? I DON'T REALLY GET WHY, I INSULT MYSELF ALL THE TIME, BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER, I GUESS I HAVE TO DROP IT.
ANYWAY YEAH, MY GUESS IS THAT IT'S PROBABLY A CANON POINT THING.
YOU REMEMBER THAT ONE MEMO WHERE PAST ME AND FUTURE ME WERE BOTH THERE, THERE WAS AN OBVIOUS DIFFERENCE EVEN THEN.

LMAO karkattttt

[nukeoleptic]

[WHO KNOWS if they have been typing this entire time. Bluhh, everything in dear_mun is always so nebulous and vague.]

no, he has actually been there longer than me!!!
but he has a lot of things to do
i mean mostly life just kind of sucks in that place?
not to sound depressing
so i dont really blame him for not wanting to be best friends with me! haha

and yes
i can very safely say i remember that conversation
i kind of wanted to strangle you >:|

[almostexclusivelyornery]

[Yeahhhhhhhh. Sadly it is pretty plausible that they actually have been; it would be so Homestuck. Is that officially a non-nebulous thing now?]

YEAH, I HEAR THESE GAMES ARE USUALLY SUPPOSED TO SUCK. EVERYONE IS ALWAYS STUCK IN AN ASYLUM, OR A CITY, OR SOME PLACE LITERALLY CALLING ITSELF HELL, OR WHATEVER, YOU'D KNOW BETTER THAN ME.
IT'S SORT OF LIKE THEY'RE OBLIGATED TO MAKE IT THAT WAY, THOUGH, SO WE CAN ALL HAVE AN EXCUSE TO BE STUCK THERE TOGETHER AND NOT GO HOME.
SO THERE ARE PROBABLY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT.
THERE ARE A LOT OF POSTS ON THAT TAG ABOUT SOME PLAGUE OR SOMETHING.
YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN THAT, HAVE YOU?

[nukeoleptic]

[Yep. B)]

ummm....
yes and no
i mean i am sick? pretty freaking sick actually
i started coughing up blood today and its just kind of gross
but dave and dirk and jinx and kida all fells into comas days ago
so i am doing my best to look after them :/

[almostexclusivelyornery]

WAIT, WHAT, COUGHING UP BLOOD????
FUCK NO YOU'RE NOT.
NOT ON MY WATCH.
OR, WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE ACTUALLY ON OTHER ME'S WATCH
AND HE'S THE ONLY ONE PHYSICALLY THERE TO TRY TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
SO THERE'S NOT MUCH I CAN DO FROM HERE
BUT THAT PLACE HAS TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE SHITTY PLOT DEVICES IN PLACE TO BE AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR MUN NOT BEING THERE EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY, RIGHT?
WHERE YOU GET LOCKED UP OR SOMETHING?
WHATEVER IT IS IN YOUR GAME, YOU'RE DOING THAT RIGHT THIS FUCKING INSTANT, JADE, GOT IT?
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FALL INTO A COMA OR WHATEVER THE HELL IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN WITH THIS PLAGUE.
OR AT LEAST NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.

[nukeoleptic]

you CANT do anything about it
and i cant just... not be there, karkat!!!
dave and dirk need people to look after them
and kida and jinx and my other friends >:|
this all ends tonight, ill be just fine
100% back to normal
so......
i cant believe im actually saying this to you
dont worry about me
its gonna be fine
im just really tired ._.

[almostexclusivelyornery]

..........
WELL
*IF* YOU REALLY HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE OTHERS
AND *IF* IT REALLY ENTIRELY ENDS TONIGHT
AND *IF* YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO BE 100% FINE AFTERWARDS
THEN...
I GUESS AT THIS POINT I DON'T REALLY HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO ANYWAY, LIKE YOU SAID.

AT LEAST
DRINK WHATEVER THE FUCK HUMANS HAVE INSTEAD OF CLUCKBEAST STEW, OKAY?
I KNOW PEOPLE GET HURT ALL THE TIME IN THESE GAMES
SOMETIMES EVEN WORSE THAN SGRUB
I JUST DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO YOU ANY MORE THAN IT HAS TO.

[nukeoleptic]

sheesh...
you dont have to worry about me
i am a pretty tough girl
and i have a lot of people i care about there
we take care of each other
so just....

RELAX >:O

[almostexclusivelyornery]

YEAH YOU'RE RIGHT, I KNOW YOU CAN PROBABLY HANDLE IT. AND IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR MUN'S GOING TO LET YOU DIE PERMANENTLY OR ANYTHING BECAUSE THAT WOULD DEFEAT THE POINT.
IT'S JUST
I'VE NEVER HAD TO GO THROUGH ANY OF THAT PLAGUE OR MIND CONTROL OR ELECTROSHOCK OR WHATEVER MYSELF.
I'VE NEVER EVEN DIED.
AND I KNOW OTHER MUSES LIKE YOU WHO HAVE, SO I GET AN IDEA OF HOW YOU TRY TO SHARE THE LOAD, EVEN WITH CROSS-CANON CHARACTERS AND ALL.
SO I FEEL LIKE SHIT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO MY PART ON THAT FRONT, OKAY? SO FORGET ABOUT IT.
RELAX. GOT IT. RELAXING STARTS......... NOW.
|8B
SEE, I EVEN GOT SOME SHADES SO I CAN LAY BACK LIKE SOME DOUCHEBAG GETTING THE GOLDEN TREATMENT OFF ON BUTLER ISLAND.

[nukeoleptic]

there hasnt been any mind control! or electroshock anything :P
and i dont think she plans on killing me...
that would be really shitty if she decided to do that ._.
i am pretty sure im safe, though
she doesnt really like putting her muses through that kind of thing
i am getting the chicken pox next month, though @_@

[almostexclusivelyornery]

NEVER TRUST THEM WHEN THEY SAY THAT. SERIOUSLY, MINE GOES ON ALL THE TIME ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE DOESN'T REALLY LIKE ALL THIS VIOLENCE AND BULLSHIT BUT THEN THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW SHE'S PLOTTING A MURDER HERE AND REVENGE HERE AND RESURRECTION THERE AND YOU MIGHT AS WELL CALL IN MS. MEGIDO BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO SCHEDULE A CORPSE PARTY. I'M NOT SAYING YOU HAVE TO GO AS FAR OFF THE DEEP END WORRYING ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF HAPPENING AS THE CHARACTER TROLL RUSSEL CROWE PLAYED, BUT I WOULDN'T START COUNTING YOUR CLUCKBEASTS YET.

[nukeoleptic]

i will keep that in mind, karkat
and we will get to hang out soon in a meme or something, ok?
its a date

[MIGHT AS WELL GIVE HIM THAT MUCH.]

[almostexclusivelyornery]

[THAT

THAT WORD

HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO REACT

HE JUST

FUCK

JADE

JADE YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO HIM

BUT

OKAY

OKAY VANTAS GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

Just say something about how you agree and... Type <3 at the end of your message? FUCK NO DELETE THAT SHIT YOU ALREADY DID IT ONCE YOU CAN'T DO IT AGAIN. What about a nice mood-lightening emoticon? To let her know how cool you're being? Just throw in a (;B and WAIT THAT'S FLIRTING GOOD FUCKING GOD (:B...? SHIT THAT IS THE MOST RETARDED THING YOU HAVE EVER EVEN THOUGHT OF DOING. Okay. Okay. Something. Suave. Yes. Channel Troll Hitchens. All right. All right.]

OK
YEAH
GOOD

[SO........... SMOOTH........]

[nukeoleptic]

[And Jade is just going to. You know.

Say the worst possible thing she can, here.]

hehehe, okay
and your font reminds me so much of dave :o
its going to take some getting used to!

[almostexclusivelyornery]

[JADE WHY DO YOU SAY THIS SHIT

YOU ENJOY MESSING AROUND WITH HIM, DON'T YOU

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT]

WELL THAT'S TOO BAD FOR DAVE ISN'T IT.
BESIDES IT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE A THING DEPENDING ON WHERE WE ARE.
I MEAN WHO THE FUCK CARES IT'S JUST A FONT COLOR ANYWAY.

[Meaning... if you wanted him to change it...]

[nukeoleptic]

[n o p e

her mun just does. :|]

sheesh, i wasnt telling you to change it!! :P
dave doesnt have a monopoly on red font color
and you have red blood, right?
so typing in red would kind of be the right, um
thing to do culturally for you?
that would be so boring for humans, hahaha

[almostexclusivelyornery]

[Wait... a... hot...]

HOW THE FUCKING HELL DID YOU FIND OUT MY BODILY FLUIDS ARE RED

[CONCLUSIONS

KARKAT'S MUN LIKES TO LET HIM JUMP TO THEM]

[nukeoleptic]

[You know, the fact that Karkat types in all caps all the time makes it hard to figure out when he's especially upset.]

thats one of those things i just know!
from this being dear_mun
why, whats wrong? :?