dear_mun | on apping to Asgard

Entry tags:

canon: hetalia

on apping to Asgard

Hullo.

I've a question for you. This is for purposes of clarity between you and I, mind, so pay attention if you would.

You still intend to psychoanalyze my behavior, write a dissertation and send it off to a group of people, all in an attempt to have me placed in one of these 'games' for your sadistic amusement.

Is that right? Haven't left anything out? Good.

Should've known, to be honest. It's a bit rude and I want nothing to do with it; but if I really have no choice in the matter, I'll accept this challenge of yours and then I will cease to care.

[he checks his watch.]

Beginning... now.

You and I, we're on the same page, yeah? Wonderful. [you can hear the enthusiasm in his voi--oh wait THERE IS NONE.]

Best of luck, I suppose. And get some proper sleep, will you? God, if I'm to be stuck here, the least you could do is be a little bit more industrious.

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It would seem, from the way you have described it, that your mundane is sending you to an asylum. Seeing as this is a very suiting setting for you, Angleterre, I commend your mundane for her efforts and wish her the best of luck.

[ lalala only hearing what he wants to hear lalala ]

--Shut up.

[ALL YOU'RE GETTING.]

I know, the truth is very painful to hear. I will help you through it Angleterre, [ Getting all up in his personal space, patting his head. ] --as I know this is a very stressful time for you! Coming to terms with the fact you are mentally insane must be a very difficult thing to do, mon petit.

[ Pat pat pat. ]

[ Pat. ]

[ Pat. Pat. ]

[Twitching. Smells like dog shit and bad cologne.]

[Have a punch to the face and, to add insult to injury... insults!]

STOP THAT! For God's sake, nothing in that description said anything about a ward. If anybody should be sent away into a padded cell, it ought to be you.

--Yeah, alright, let's throw parties for the thousands of beheaded! Throw an orgy or two into it, we'll make ourselves even more financially and morally bankrupt than we already are! Brilliant idea.

As I was saying--shut up.

[ Wow overreacting much. He stumbles back, holding his face, then scowls for a moment, righting himself, reaching up to check for blood. ]

Well perhaps your mundane forgot to mention it, but I am sure that it is implied with what you said. [ A little bit of blood, but nothing to be too worried about. He takes out a handkerchief and blots it away. ]

You are so terribly predictable. When you need to insult someone, you look to the past. When you need to be happy, you look to the past. I would not be surprised if you were unable to become aroused without looking to the past. [ Tutting his finger at him. ] It is not good for you, tu sais? At least you know why all the other countries think you are a depressing old man.

Mm, must be a bit rusty with my bow, seeing as that point flew right over your head. [He dusts his hand off; that felt good.]

Or perhaps it is just a testament to your inability to state anything meaningful.

Said the Frog who's full of nothing but hot air.

Au contraire, Angleterre, j'ai Descartes, Sartre, Camus, Voltaire et Beauvoir. If there was ever someone who said many important things, it would most certainly be me, and not you.

Who do you have? Hume? [ A laugh. ] Ah, Angleterre, always mimicking me. [ Right back over to him, patting his head again. This one does not learn. ]

[Viciously swatting France away. He isn't listening, man.] Will you shut up already? I don't care. You would think after centuries of this you'd get it; for all those bloody pompous bastards you call 'great thinkers' the only straight line in your head is the one driving you to have sex.

Fuck off.

You wound me, Artois. Wound me terribly! [ Dramatically clutching his chest, backing away from him with a sigh, the back of his left hand against his forehead as he assumes the "woe is me" pose. ]

But-- [ And suddenly, the whole act is dropped and he grins, staring back over at England. ] It is a good thing that I usually disregard most of the words that come out of that rude little mouth of yours!

Now then, back to the original topic: If not an asylum, where is your mundane intending to send you?

I told you to shut up. I'll be damned if I was surprised that you're not actually complying, but really.

She wants to send me to Asgard. Supposed to help save the city, given some kind of power, Norse myth everywhere; so on and so forth.

Asgard? Asgard? Is that not a mythical city?

[ Waves it off. ] Aaa well, this is the absurdity that accompanies our lives! We should not try to explain it. Perhaps you will meet a gorgeous Norse God, or Goddess, and you will actually... [ Offers him a rather suggestive glance: ] ...relieve your tensions. For once.

You poxy fuck. There's no need to find an explanation. They run their little communities for amusement at our expense and that's that.

[Ignoring the comment about his sex life.]

It seems like you are proposing an explanation of your own. A depressing one, though unsurprising given your perspective.

Not all of the games are so bad. I have been to nice ones before. There is a very nice one I think you should visit sometime...

As if I'd visit any game you'd recommend.

What about if I told you to stay far, far away from a certain game? Then what would you do?

I'd ignore you and do whatever I damn well please.

Then I must ask, for the sake of curiosity, what is it that you wish to do, Angleterre?

If I could do anything you mean--?

You are only restricted by the limits of your own imagination in answering my question, Angleterre.

I'd return home, have a good sleep, and not be interrupted by you for a week.

Oh no, I'm certain that's asking far too much.

Aa! C'est vrai, that is asking too much! Especially because we are diplomats Angleterre, and to avoid being 'interrupted' by me for a week would mean you would be allowed to suggest stupid things at meetings for a week without anyone to tell you otherwise! I do not have enough faith in Merique to tell you what is best.

Aaaa, you do not know it, but you are so lucky to have me. You should be much more grateful!

:33 < *ac curls up in the grumpy man's lap, and settles in for a nice catnap*
:33 < *its a cozy and warm lap even though his words make him sound like hed be frigid and unpleasant*
:33 < *but hes not!*
:33 < *purr purr*

I-- Pardon? [TILTING HIS HEAD]

Um--

Hullo there!

:33 < hello!
:33 < I mean
:33 < *hello, ac says in a very benign manner*
:33 < oh well I guess the illusion is already broken, h33h33
:33 < its harder to play when you have something else on your mind anyway
:33 < how come youre so appurrehensive about games?
:33 < they look like so much fun!

I--... Hm. I've got a lot of important things to do at home. In that game, or really any other, I won't know what's happened due to my absence.

The bad parts, like fighting and whatnot, they don't worry me all that much. I can handle quite a lot, you know! High adventure, battles, magic, all that nonsense, really actually look forward to it.

:33 < hmmmm thats always a tricky question when youre dealing with timelines and universes
:33 < i cant really say!
:33 < but im sure that youre alpha timeline will function normally
:33 < by that i mean if youre meant to be at home, there will purrobably be a version of you that is!
:33 < its all very complicated
:33 < you just have to trust that you can handle what will happen!
:33 < the place your going sounds really exciting!!!
:33 < i might end up at a space ship with all these tubes in my protein chute
:33 < i mean my throat
:33 < and ill be all wet and gross :((
:33 < even with that pawsibility
:33 < i think there will be wondfurfull things to look forward to!
:33 < it will certainly be much more fun than hiding back in the veil

Wow, your mun actually cares that much for ya England?

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