Voice Test, canon is Portal 2

[wtficantsee]

Okay, so I'm not in the incinerator anymore? Great! Hehehehehe...

...So where am I? I can't see a damn thing.

Comments

[seeking_dreamers]

Well that sounds rather ominous. What were you doing in an incinerator in the first place?

[wtficantsee]

[...Uh.]

Something about me being defective but I don't know what they're talking about. I work perfectly fine!

[seeking_dreamers]

Defective? ...that's terrible. What's your function?

[wtficantsee]

I'm a turret for testing humans!

[His arms extend and point in front of him. It isn't sure if the thing it's talking to is in front of it or not.]

I shoot people dead! Bam bam bam! Bam bam!

[If it imagines it's actually shooting bullets hard enough, does that mean the thing is now dead?]

[seeking_dreamers]

A turret?

[For testing humans? It seems she doesn't even have to ask for an explanation as the little thing demonstrates for her, flinching a little at the rather tactless answer.

She'll just crouch there beside the little guy. Yeah, sorry dude, you would've missed pretty bad even if you did have bullets.]

That's...pretty morbid. So you were designed to be a security system then. I must say, at the very least you're...enthusiastic.

[wtficantsee]

Oh. You're still alive.

[It sounds disappointed as it droops a little. And then it remembers that you're still alive.]

Oh, yeah! That's right! You're still alive. I was only jokin' there. No death yet!

Security...? Turrets don't work security. Security Bot works security. I think.

[seeking_dreamers]

[Despite that slip, Athena smiles crookedly. She even reaches out to pat the turret with a hand.]

I'd hate to disappoint you, but if it's mere bullets you'd have at your disposal, they probably wouldn't do the trick against me anyway.

...so then, if you're not security, what would you call it?

[wtficantsee]

[If bullets don't work, then this thing next to him that just touched him is definitely a robot. And if it's a robot, then it HAS to be Aperture staff.]

A little weird you don't know, newbie, but us turrets at Aperture are designed specifically for testing humans using the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. All employees are supposed to know that when they get created. Must've missed that for you.

[seeking_dreamers]

[Well, he wouldn't be wrong in at least part of that assumption.]

Aperture? Oh no, you're mistaken Mister Turret- I'm not an employee.

...I would think that testing and killing are quite different- but then I suppose that would depend on the purpose of these tests.

[What sort of madness have humans created now?]

Oh, brilliant- they've finally created a portal device here? And portable at that...

[wtficantsee]

Hey, if the boss says they're the same, they're the same. Not my fault she wants to phase out human testing altogether.

Yeah. But it's still not as good as good old fashioned bullets.

[seeking_dreamers]

And who's your boss?

[She gives him a light poke.]

But you don't have any of those, do you?

[wtficantsee]

Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

[When he gets poked and called out for not having any bullets, the barrels point in the direction of the robot's voice.]

Hey, hey, hey! I'm offended! I have Bullets! I just don't want to use them right now.

[seeking_dreamers]

Hmm....an A.I.? That's interesting. And whose idea was it to use humans for testing in the first place?

[The girl pulls her hand back as the little thing moves.]

Oh! Well I'm very thankful for that, Mister Turret. Sorry, I meant no offense.

[wtficantsee]

[That's... actually not in his database. But GLaDOS pretty much decides everything, including the turret template. Damn turret template.]

Hers. She runs everything around Aperture.

Yeah, you better be thankful. I'm a bad man with an even badder bite! Your lucky I'm so merciful.

[Read: I'm blind and have no bullets, so I can't kill you.]

[seeking_dreamers]

I see. Well, I'll keep that in mind. Sounds like quite the technologically advanced place.

[Although even though an A.I. is claimed to run it, someone must have made her...]

Ooh, I guess I should be more careful around you then.

[wtficantsee]

[It is. But he might not know just HOW advanced it is.]

Yeah, I'm a... I'm a bad man.

[The defective turret is glad that that's settled.]

[seeking_dreamers]

It's a good thing you're not in the incinerator, then.