dear_mun | I don't even caaaare

I don't even caaaare

[Once again, Kung Fury finds himself in unfamiliar surroundings. He looks left, looks right and then stands straight, staring the one who brought him here.]

Listen, mundane, I don't have time to mess around with you or any of these games of yours, I've got a job to do. Hitler's still out there somewhere, and I've got to put a stop to him once and for all.

[But, Kung Fury, you have work to do here too. Your mission is one of dire importance.]

What's that?

[It's true. There are many worlds out there, and some of them are full of criminals who are just as bad as Hitler. We need you, Kung Fury!]

Hm... well, if that's true, then it sounds like I've got business to take care of here. Let's get started, but first--

[he reaches into the pocket of his leather jacket, removes a pair of sunglasses and puts them on. Music starts playing out of nowhere.]

I'm gonna need a car.

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...You gotta be kiddin' me.

[Kung Fury turns dramatically toward this stranger, and fixes him with a serious glare. He doesn't know what this guy's story is but Kung Fury knows a punk when he sees one. He growls through a set jaw.]

I never joke about the job.

Oh yeah? You think you're hot stuff with all that super serious attitude junk?

Well let me fill you in on something chump, You ain't anything special.

That so?

[If looks had teeth, the one he's got right now would have just finished chewing up a hearty bowl of Rusty Nailios along with some broken glass on burnt toast on the side.]

Well, if you decide you wanna put that to the test, I'll be standin' right here. Chump.

Chump!? Did I hear you right? Did you just call me a chump?

[Kung Fury may notice that one of the Close's hands is pointing right at him, while the other has undergone a transformation into a fist.]

Let's see how ya do against one of these!

[And then Close launches his newly formed fist right into Kung Fury's face.]

Ain't nobody call's Close a chump and gets away with it!

[That fist is aimed spot on for Kung Fury's jaw, and it looks like Close has caught the chosen one off guard with this sudden attack! As the villain closes in, he doesn't move a muscle... until the last possible second when his hand catches up and catches that fist.

The ground rumbles from the impact and the wind causes the tails of his headband to flutter in the air, but he is otherwise unmoved. Slowly, he looks to Close's fist, and then back at him.]

Hey.

You've got something on your face.

[And then he will high-kick at Close's face.]

[Close is more than confident that he's going to wipe the floor with this punk right up until his fist is caught in King Fury's grip.

He just stares blankly at the Kung fu cop for a moment until he speaks up.]

I'm not gonna fall for that! You're just trying to distract m-

[it's about then that Close feels a foot connect with his face and sends him flying into the air. A moment later he hits the ground with a thud.]

[As Close hits the ground, Kung Fury will bring his fists up, throwing a few kung fu punches and kicks around before standing ready. It's pretty cool.

He fixes Close with a look that burns like a hundred coals. Even if you can't really see it behind his sunglasses.]

It was my foot.

[Close is feeling way too much pain in his face to care what kind of look Kung Fury is giving him right now.

He slowly gets up his feet, one hand rubbing his jaw.]

Yeah, thanks for that wise ass.

[If Close is going to beat this guy, he's going to need a new strategy.

Wait. Maybe he doesn't have to beat him, maybe he just has to "recruit" him.]

Hey punk! Why don't you show me your dream!

[With that Close's tattoos start to glow red as he tries to take a peak inside this guys head. He probably has a pretty lame dream.]

You're welcome.

[He's about to follow that up when Close's eyes start glowing and... oh no! Kung Fury is caught up in his freaky dream-seeing power!]

The the hell--?!

[The dream vision takes form and shows... a cartoon version of Kung Fury. Beating up an endless parade of cartoon bad guys. What could that mean? Does it mean that...

Yes. There's only one thing it could be.

Kung Fury's dream is to punch crime.]

[Close just looks disgusted at this guys dream.]

Oh my freakin' god, you are such a freakin' loser!

[He stops rubbing his jaw just long enough to crack it.]

I'm going to have to lock that just and noble dream up in a cage of despair.

[Kung Fury may notice a purple cage has appeared around him. And that Close's lock necklace has suddenly grown arms and legs.]

Zetsuborg, go!

[And that necklace is now coming to lock the cage up.]

Edited 2015-05-31 23:23 (UTC)

[There's nothing Kung Fury can do as the bars springs up, sealing both him and his great dream in a cage of despair! Things are looking bad, can this really be the end? Is Kung Fury doomed to sink into the endless depths of despair?!]

No.

[What?]

As long as the good and law-abiding need me to fight for them... I will... NEVER GIVE UP!

[With a manly shout, a wave of righteous BATTLE AURA explodes off of him, shattering the cage of despair that threatened to imprison him! And the flying Zetusborg will be met with a flying spinkick right back at Close.]

AND YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

[That is the last thing that Close ever expected to see happen. He couldn't believe someone was actually able to just break down his cage of despair.

He looks absolutely distressed right until the point where his Zetsuborg is sent flying right back into his face by that kick.

There are two sounds, the sound of the Zetsuborg hitting Close in the face, and the sound of Close hitting the ground.

You gotta be kidding him, take him away officer.]

[And then there is also the sound of Kung Fury landing on Close's chest with both feet. And then the sound of Kung Fury grabbing his collar and hoisting him up.

Kung Fury looks Close dead in the eye and growls.]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

[Ow. Okay. He wasn't ready for some giant tool bag to just land on his chest like that. He doesn't have much time to respond though as he's being pulled up by his jacket.

If Kung Fury was waiting expecting a witty retort, he is instead going to get a face full of spit, blood and a couple teeth as Close lets out wheezing cough.]

...W-why?

[A little blood and teeth is nothing new in Kung Fury's line of work. Unbothered, he wipes it from his face with the back of his fingerless glove.]

Nobody nose.

[And then he will... punch Close in the nose.]

[Close is a little too busy flailing his head around and clutching his poor broken nose to respond to that absolutely terrible pun.

When he does gain the slightest inkling of composure back he's going to start taking swings at Kung Fury with both his arms and legs. He just wants this freak of nature to let him go.]

I feel like I'm going to regret this, but.

Hitler?

That's right.

[He nods sharply.]

The most dangerous criminal of all time, also known as Kung Fuhrer. I traveled to the nineteen-forties to kill him but it looks like he managed to escape. Now I have to find him.

...

I finally found something weirder.

Will wonders never cease.

I don't see what's so weird about justice.

((ooc: im horrible and i need help))

[Cap just. He just stares. Right? Because. What even.]

Did you say 'Hitler'?

[OOC: No, you're not, you're great.]

[What? Haven't you ever seen a legendary kung fu chosen one police officer talk about his mortal enemy to the accompaniment of a David Hasselhoff song?

Kung Fury turns with a dramatic chord of 80s synthesizer music.]

You heard right. Adolf Hitler, Leader of Nazi Germany and kung fu champion. You know him?

[Well Cap has to admit he'd seen many things, but he still hasn't seen them all...

And wow all the 80's references are just flying over his head so bad.]

I... do. You can say I punched him in the face a few hundred times. But I don't- I mean, kung-fu champion? Adolf Hitler?

[Not bad. Kung Fury is impressed.]

So-called champion. I have my doubts after I punched him in the balls so hard he flew thirty feet into the air.

[That's gotta be worth a few hundred face punches, right?]

But champion or not, he's still a dangerous criminal. If you have any information on his whereabouts, I'm going to have to ask for your cooperation.

[Well Cap wasn't- he didn't want to impress, he's just... but yes.]

Good job... [Impressed is not exactly a word that describes him at this moment. He's just very, very confused. It's like when Tony decides to really mess with him. But really mess with him.]

He's certainly not someone I'd want to see walking around. Have you tried, I don't now, 40's Germany?

Yeah. That's where I fought him the first time. I traveled back in time to kill him with some help from my partner, Triceracop, and my friends Hackerman, Thor, Barbariana, Katana and their talking dinosaur.

[His straight face doesn't falter for a single word. Not even a syllable.]

I thought we'd succeeded in putting a stop to him but it looks like he escaped and time traveled to present day. That's why I have to find him.

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