on contemplating games.

[practicedhands]

Nothing about this is a good idea. I think you know well enough, but let me remind you all the same.

I may not be able to avoid killing for as long as Caesar wants me and those around me dead, but to place me in a situation where it becomes necessary for more reasons than that... you and I both know where this path leads. I do not wish to experience that darkness another time.


If you mean to go through with this, do not expect my cooperation.

Comments

[weightedhair]

That's a shame. They will not get far without it.

[practicedhands]

She will live. [and find someone else to torment.]

[weightedhair]

They might find a closet for you. Maybe... somewhere in the back. Or you could die. That would be bad.

[practicedhands]

Many have tried. They found I do not go down so easily.

[weightedhair]

All it takes to succeed is one. No matter how difficult going down is for you.

[colddecking]

Sorry, Graham. These muns, they have a weird sense of "fun". I mean... aah crud, I'm not good at this being comforting thing. Look, just... don't. Don't go turning into the Malpais Legate again.

[Says the girl who failed that Speech check when it mattered. Oops.]

[practicedhands]

[he's never needed or wanted comfort, narrows his eyes at her for the suggestion alone. what he does need - what he would have needed - is spmeone who can stop him. perhaps there's no-one who can.]

I'm not planning to. [crosses his arms.] But I will do what is necessary.

[colddecking]

Sometimes what's necessary isn't what you think it is. That's a lesson I learned the hard way.

[The Sierra Madre is a harsh teacher. Still, there's a tiny upward tilt to Dinah's lips, like a smile that's trying to break loose.]

What is it that your book says? "Never take your own revenge", or something like that?

[practicedhands]

Vengeance belongs to God alone.
[she was listening. that comes as a surprise, gentiles rarely do. still, he gives her a hard look.]

But it’s not revenge I speak of, it’s temptation. [an easy road with a downward slope. you think you know where you’re going, and before you realize, you’ve made it to hell.]

I’d prefer not to be in a situation where it will be even easier for me to fall.

[keepcalmandflutteron]

[Because a talking butterfly is exactly what he needs right now.]

...whoooa...

...did anybody ever tell you that you're a pretty scary man?

[practicedhands]

[that's uh. definitely on the stranger end of things he's seen lately. well. no reason not to answer.]

Yes. Some have been too afraid to say even that.

[keepcalmandflutteron]

I find that when I'm scared I actually talk more. Sometimes it helps. And sometimes I find that people that look scary aren't so bad once you start having a conversation with them.

[practicedhands]

Much of the time, the ones who look frightening are not the most dangerous ones.

[quixotically]

There's still hope. [Elle's voice comes out a little on the smaller side, which isn't what she intended, but, oops. She's worried, too.] There's someone... in my headspace who has been there... He says -- that there are ways... where you can avoid... having to kill. I don't know if it'll... make everything easier, but at least... there's that. It might take the edge off, at least a little...

[Fidgetfidget. Ugh, she's still worried. She knows that's not going to be enough to help him. ... she doesn't actually think that'll help much. But she's worried.]

If she doesn't listen, and she puts you through this anyway... I... I have faith. I have faith that you'll... keep your head up, and make it through. [She's never nervous about saying this to anyone else.]

[practicedhands]

[the first thing he wants to tell her is that she shouldn't. shouldn't have faith in him. he falls so easily even now, and she of all people should know, know better than to believe so blindly in someone as flawed as him.

but there's more she said, and that strikes close to the heart in another way. he lowers his eyes, only to look past her for a moment.]

The Lord gives us no commandment without also giving us a means to follow it. Of course.

[a beat. under the bandages, he clenches his jaw, but the tension works its way through the rest of him too. he forces it back out by degrees. finally he looks at her, manages to say more of what he meant to.]

Thank you. But you should not be so quick to believe in me.

[quixotically]

[Elle watches that tension, and knows she can't do anything but watch. Even if touching him wouldn't hurt him, she -- she couldn't. She couldn't. She fusses instead, slowly turning the dial on the back of her Pip-Boy glove, and watches him calm himself down.

At his thanks, her cheeks go a little pink and she smiles slightly.] They've got... these -- restaurants, basically, so that you can still... take care of yourself... without hurting people. And there are... I mean, there are a lot of people there who -- don't come from worlds as hard as ours, people who struggle, who need help... I mean -- It's an awful place, but that just means there's a lot of good that can be done there. Right...?

I dunno. [She stops fussing with the dial.] I don't see any reason why I... shouldn't believe in you. I know... you're worried about -- falling, but... Believing in you -- It doesn't mean that I think you're going to be... perfect. That you won't fall at all. Just... That you're going to keep trying to get back up. That you'll succeed, in that. You know?

[practicedhands]

[he sighs deeply. she seems even younger when she talks like that, full of faith - because that is exactly what it is, a hope for and belief in something she can not see or know. how or why she has it, he doesn't know. he can see that (and why) she very badly wants to believe in him, but that makes it no less misplaced. and if some of what she says rings true... he still prefers to focus on what does not. too cautious to trust his own progress so readily.]

I lead the Dead Horses because they asked me, but I am not someone to follow in the footsteps of.

[don't just place people in his charge.]

we all saw this coming

[thesignofthebull]

[...Well, isn't this a great place for a reunion.]

She's anything like me, she'll just do it anyway.

[And here's a scoff.]

And another thing: stop acting like you've got the patience of one of your goddamn saints just because you didn't fucking die like you were supposed to. Who are you trying to fool here? Because it's sure not working on me. [Ut oh, he's rolling.] Bullshit you don't want to kill anyone. That used to be all you did! And you liked it, didn't you? Wouldn't have stuck around so long if you didn't! But you had to go and fuck it all up.

[and this is how Caesar dies: getting into an argument with a mummy.]

yes we did.

[practicedhands]

[there isn't a single good place in the world for this reunion. except, you know, maybe away from everyone else where joshua can bury the body in peace and nobody needs to hear about it. maybe.]

This may surprise you to hear, but after the last time I saw you, whether or not you believe me is something I don't care about.

[he only wants to kill a few people, it's a very selective thing. and he hasn't even reached for his gun yet.]

[thesignofthebull]

So that fall knocked a few screws loose, after all. [well someone has a high opinion of himself here.] At least something came from that. [he was getting a little worried.] How long are you gonna keep this... change of heart up? It's gotta be fucking tiring.

[what a coincidence, because caesar might just be the only person who doesn't care about this. do gooder. thing.]

[practicedhands]

[he can and will keep this up as long as it takes. in fact, it's actually easier with some opposition.]

Does it matter to you?

[preacher_man]

[Here Joshua have a man dressed in Priest's attire distinctly doing his best not to look at you.]

I do not know your situation, but perhaps you give yourself less credit than is due. You understand that where you were before was a dark place and the value of human life.

Obviously the situation is not one to cooperate with at all, but if it is unavoidable perhaps placing more faith in your ability to persevere may be in order to help your ability to survive and protect as many people as possible.

[practicedhands]

[hello, stranger. alas, the attire doesn't ring a bell, or he might remark on it, but the pointed not looking is a much more noticable thing, as it were.]

Perhaps. I have found being vigilant has served me better than simply having faith in what I am able to do. Of course, whatever our trials are, we must endure to the end.

[preacher_man]

Vigilance of oneself is certainly something I'm familiar with.

[He supposed he should get to the reason why he wasn't looking at Joshua.]

The Lord gave me the ability to see the sins of others I look upon so that I might spot demons in our midst who prey upon humans.

Such an ability as you might be able to imagine can foster arrogance. Something I have to be mindful of.

[practicedhands]

[... he pauses.]

Not all blessings are a kindness, but all have their purpose. My apologies.

[not sympathies - he can’t begin to imagine what he looks like, and isn't comfortable with anyone seeing the entirety of what he's done. no less because it's not a view he wants to subject people to.]