I'm not proud of this AU.

[immolating_inner_demons]

Then why did you do it? [Tadashi is never going to understand the logic of his mun. He's trying not to sound too angry, though, and go the route of reasoning instead.] It's bad enough you have that 'AU' Hiro you're giving so much grief, you didn't have to do this. This whole set up was optional. It doesn't even make sense to add another muse to your load when you never play with most of them as it is. You need to prioritize.

And you need to leave me alone. I'm making some headway on this... project. [Really, Tadashi? That's what we're calling it now?] Look, I'm grateful you at least looked at this idea (unbelievable - multiple people are onboard with this?) and wanted there to be a way out for me. But that means you already know that I've got a handle on this. Maybe instead of playing out the solution you should leave me to it and go get a headstart on your next paper. You don't even have a canonpoint for me, so clearly this needs some shelf time. [By which he means he never wants to have to have this discussion again.]

...if anything happens to Hiro because of this, I... [It's too much to contemplate. He just hopes his mun moves onto some other muse.]

Comments

[foundthehirowithin]

Whoa wait hold up what? What--project, does this mean you'd get to-- Whatever this is, you'd live?

[because you know ANY Hiro would be completely more than ok with that, bro]

[immolating_inner_demons]

[Deep, deep breath. It's big brother time. He puts on the best attempt at a smile he can.] Yeah. Yeah, it would. But there'd be some complications, Hiro. It's not gonna be like before.

[foundthehirowithin]

Why not? [it sounds completely entirely whiny and he knows it. he also knows any way to keep Tadashi around, it wouldn't be the same. but he can't really be assed to care]

[immolating_inner_demons]

I'd probably need a lot more time to myself than I used to. [Near death plus Callaghan on top of that? He'll be lucky to make it through with even the tiniest semblance of sanity in tact.] I may need a therapist. [Because see all the above; canon is a bitch, okay? The AU thing is just running up the score at this point.]

Don't worry, you still get to go to nerd school and I want to know all the details of how Baymax turned into the Red Baron's huggable offspring. [What did you do to his baby, Hiro.] It's not all bad.

[foundthehirowithin]

Oh, don't worry big brother. I'll fill you in on all the deets of how much more awesome Baymax is now.

[he can't help the uncertainty behind his smile, though. that all sounds pretty reasonable. and normal. he feels like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop] That's. That's it, right? No crazy supervillain crap or faking your death orrrrr . . .

[immolating_inner_demons]

I can't wait to hear how the power fist makes him a better healthcare companion. You do remember that's what I made him for, right?

[His body goes tense for a moment at the words 'crazy super villain', but it's quick and he tries to push past it. He's not going to drag his little brother into this. He loves him too much to have this put on Hiro's shoulders, too.] That's all that I'm going to let my mun expose you to. You're a superhero now, you've got enough on your plate.

I *just* read your profile holy shit did not mean to call that. I'm terrified but intrigued

[foundthehirowithin]

You made him to help people. And fighting bad guys is exactly that! I just made it loads more exciting.

[he knows his older brother, and so he catches the tension. he probably would have let it go, though, if not for that admission. yeah that's not worrying at all!! he gestures widely, shocked and pleading] C'mon, that's no fair! Me being a superhero totally means I can help my big bro at least. Whatever it is, we'll think of something.

I am so sorry. For making this and for what a number this is going to do on Hiro.

[immolating_inner_demons]

[He just facepalms. Baymax having armor and flying around is going to take some getting used to. He just hopes that Baymax is still, well, himself, despite all the modifications.] And how does Baymax feel about that?

[Deep, slow breath.] This isn't something for a superhero to handle. A trained psychotherapist is more like it. Look, you know I'd have you on this if I thought it'd help. I know you're smarter than I am sometimes. But we can't think our way around everything in life.

you know I actually believe you. I'M not sorry though >:) poor boys...

[foundthehirowithin]

Uh, he seems pretty okay with it? [shrug! it's not like he exactly stopped to ask Baymax if he wanted to help him get revenge and then be a superhero... oh, wait! Hiro grins smugly] Yeah yep more than okay with it. He agreed that flying? Totally makes him a better healthcare companion. Therefore all the other mods fall under totally sick, too. [sage nod!]

If we can't think around it, we'll think through it. New angle, right? [you've created this determination monster, Tadashi. own up] I mean, I don't know anything about--mental issues?? But we can get Baymax on this, it'll be a team effort.

Okay, now *you're* creeping *me* out. Poor guys. This is gonna suck.

[immolating_inner_demons]

Yes, I'm sure Baymax being able to fly is going to be a mental illness cure-all. [Deadpan. But seriously, he never would've said that if he knew it'd be aimed at him at some point.] No getting Baymax involved. There's nothing he can d- wait, I never programmed him to handle mental health. [For this exact reason, actually.] What happened?

MWAHAHA cough cough hack ahem. yes, yes it is. prepares for the trainwreck...

[foundthehirowithin]

[that sass gets a sassy unamused half-lidded look right back, bro] Hey, it worked on me. After, you know . . . [he glances away. yeah okay good subject change. Hiro perks up quite a bit]

Oh man, Baymax . . . downloaded an entire database on personal loss. From the Internet. And even though he doesn't really get personal space? He's not half bad.

I'm both looking forward to it and feeling guilty for that.

[immolating_inner_demons]

If it's from the internet I'm amazed any of it is any good. Just the stuff my mun's researched sometimes contradicts itself. But I'm glad he was there for you. [He never meant to put Hiro through all that. He'd just wanted to save the professor who'd been a positive influence on him, and everything after that was just Murphy's Law.]

you are nicer than me. I have no shame. no guilt. okay maybe a little

[foundthehirowithin]

Yeah. Me too. [he wryly cards a hand through his hair. having Baymax around has kind of been like Tadashi's spirit has been keeping an eye on him or . . . something. he's gone in the ol' OU, and it doesn't make up for it. but it's good to have a nice reminder of his brother. probably helps with the healing]

Aaaaand now he can be there for you, too. [a small conniving grin. heck yeah brought it back to Tadashi's problems]

This AU is truly creepy, I hope you know. You are good at these.

[aviatophile]

You know, back when when my mun and I did the whole split personality thing, at least mine was just an asshole.

I'm not the first one to come up with this. At least I tweaked it so it's not really Tadashi.

[immolating_inner_demons]

Shh! [Frantic glance up at the thread with Hiro.] Watch what you say. And it's not like I'm not working on this. [Nobody gets to choose what their split personality does, but Tadashi admittedly drew a pretty short straw.]

What made your mun give up on the idea? Of you having... [It's hard to say. It feels like admitting to being subhuman, almost.]

Poor Tadashi. Precious darling cupcake. You're one of the ones that's so easy to abuse...

[aviatophile]

[Lowers his voice.] Aa. Didn't say you weren't.

She didn't. The game it really manifested in closed and I moved, so inevitably it started over, but then she quit playing for awhile. And it takes time to create a fissure in your identity.

[Taps his temple.] The possibility will always be there, I think. But... at the moment questioning my identity won't actually be a problem I'm going to have to deal with this time.

Which is both a relief and a disappointment.

...'darling cupcake'?

[immolating_inner_demons]

It didn't take long to create this one. But it was gone, for a long time. Having it brought back is a problem, especially with Hiro thinking he can help me when he can't.

If not dealing with this is your idea of a disappointment, what does your mun have planned for you? [Because he's already learned muns are really good at making bad things worse and terrible things into trainwrecks. Tadashi wants to help, he really does. Nobody deserves this stuff. His hands are tied, though, by his mun and his own mental illness.]

....it's 2am and I think up cutesy nicknames for things. At least he's not a noodle.

[aviatophile]

I can see why. He's a good person.

Don't get me wrong, in comparison I got off lucky. Kid was a handful, and he was essentially a child in a seventeen year old's body for a long time, but he never went too far. Then again it wasn't a dark game, so that might have had something to do with it.

I feel like if I make a list it'll probably just sound like I'm already crazy. Let's just say the highlights are 'cursed with immortality and experimented on' and 'causes the death of a dozen innocents and forced to fake own death to prevent more'. [And yet he's fond of his mun. Don't ask him why. He really doesn't know.]

I just changed my plurk display name to that, but 'not a noodle' is also tempting.

[immolating_inner_demons]

He's a great kid. My brother may be thick-headed sometimes, but he's always tried to help people if he can. But this time that puts him in danger.

This isn't taking place in a game. My mun doesn't have limitations.

I'm starting to wonder if all of these people actively hate us. I don't understand how 'I like you' equals 'let's make life as bad as possible'. [Even his other personality doesn't do that. Usually because he's too busy hunting criminals, setting them on fire and then going and getting laid because murder is a turn on for him. But still]

This has been a great night, not gonna lie.

[aviatophile]

Sometimes they're gonna be in danger regardless.

I'm not really planned for a game anytime soon either. She'll play anything so long as she has someone there to play with. ...which sounds obscenely wrong and wasn't what I meant.

I'm pretty sure mine wants to see how far she can push me before she breaks me. After ten years I think she's only found that line once. I...don't remember what happened. I don't think she does either. [He'd like to say he's shocked, but over long experience and always being around through his mun's different obsessions...he's certainly seen worse happen.

...he probably is a bit unhinged deep inside somewhere. This shouldn't be normal.]

Re: This has been a great night, not gonna lie.

[immolating_inner_demons]

You don't understand. Saionji, the 'other guy' involved here, he's not above hurting Hiro seriously threatens his existence. Or now that Hiro has friends, he might threaten them. Hiro can't get involved. I can't let my family get hurt.

[He chuckles weakly at the accidental obscenity. It's brief, but he can see why Hiro and Kaito get along.]

I think mine wants to break me and cure me in equal measures. I don't know what either one is gonna mean in the long term.

[aviatophile]

[Quietly.] What if the game changes without your knowledge and he approaches them anyway? What would you do then?

We never know until it happens. I think you'll make it through, though. A truly broken muse isn't "fun".

[immolating_inner_demons]

I don't know. He'd threaten them from a distance. He's got my IQ, so he knows better than to take on superheros in person. Saionji loves mind games. It makes it hard to make any kind of plans on what he'll do because I can't predict any of it. But so long as I don't call the police, he won't hurt Hiro. That much, we agreed on a long time ago. [Beat.] We, um, text. It's the only way to have a conversation.

I know. I know, but to heal I have to break and I can't. I just can't. What will this do to my family when they find out? I can't ruin their lives just because there's something wrong with me. I want to help people, not hurt them.

[aviatophile]

If he's as smart as you, and if you're at all as smart as your brother...then he probably wouldn't have to take them straight on.

[God...he knows this. It's not the same, it couldn't be, but he knows this feeling. Dredging up all sorts of bad this week, eh mun?] Does he know what you're thinking?

[immolating_inner_demons]

I know. It's why I can't let them get involved. I have to fix this on my own.

I don't know how much he knows, but he knows some of what I'm thinking and done. Not all, but there's never a way to know it, not until he acts on it or texts me. [He's so exhausted. It's so hard. Tadashi won't give up, though. He won't stop trying to fight this or help people. It's not who he is.]